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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651312">To Be Found Without Searching</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuometar/pseuds/Tuometar'>Tuometar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Basically Michael and Adam in the Cage fic with soulmates on the side, Episode: s05e18 Point of No Return, Episode: s15e08 Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven, Happy Ending, I forgot some tags so adding them now oops, Lucifer's Cage (Supernatural), M/M, Michael gets hugged, Michael is bad at feelings but they get there, Multi, Other, Protective Michael (Supernatural), Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, The OCs are there because Adam had a life, canon compliant character death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 01:58:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>47,213</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuometar/pseuds/Tuometar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam Milligan had never really cared about soulmates, which was useful when his mark came and was written in total gibberish.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kristin McGee/Adam Milligan, Michael/Adam Milligan, Minor Castiel/Dean Winchester - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>333</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591">Cas-ti-el</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valyria/pseuds/Valinde">Valinde (Valyria)</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So a few things: </p><p>1.I have still not seen Supernatural past season 10, so I apologize for any continuation errors due to that.</p><p>2.This work is completely written it is not a WIP I just need to do some final edits between chapters.</p><p>3. I am eternally grateful to  <a href="https://almostwritingdragon.tumblr.com">@almostwritingdragon</a> and my friend Anna who have had to beta for a fandom they are not in.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adam Milligan’s soulmark appeared when he was 11, which was not unusual, and it was written in incomprehensible chicken scratches, which was.</p><p> Adam had been enjoying a perfectly normal day at school, but as he was joking around with Dustin and Frank at lunch,  a sudden electric shock went through him, and his entire right arm felt as if it was being pricked with needles. Adam tensed up, dropping the sandwich.</p><p>“Adam?” Dustin asked waving his hand in front of Adam’s face, as Adam tried to gather his thoughts.</p><p>Adam flipped his wrist around without thinking. Later he wished he had excused himself to the bathroom to get privacy.</p><p>“Wow! You got your soulmark!” Frank exclaimed so loud more than a few heads turned towards their table.</p><p>“What's wrong with it?” Dustin asked leaning closer to look at the markings that were decidedly not letters.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Adam said quietly, looking at the black symbols that had appeared on inside of his right wrist. He swiped them over with his left thumb, but the symbols didn’t reshape themselves into letters as he had hoped they would.</p><p>Quickly Frank snatched his wrist, covering the mark. Adam flinched and tried to shake Frank off, it felt <em>wrong</em> to have anyone touching his mark, but Frank held on.</p><p>“C’mon let’s find you something to cover it up with,” he said looking around. That made Adam lift his eyes from his wrist and notice several people were eyeing him, blatantly curious. Soulmark’s were a Big Thing and still rare to them. In Adam’s class, only Lucy Wilson had gotten hers. She had proudly refused to sit with Peter Long during lunch because she was waiting for <em>Lucas</em>.</p><p>Adam tucked his arm to his chest refusing to meet the gazes of the onlookers. He didn’t want anyone to see his soulmark. His soulmark was weird. He didn’t want people to know his soulmark was weird. What kind of weird soulmate would Adam have if his name was written in symbols that looked like worms? Adam pressed his arm even tighter to his chest as he, Frank, and Dustin walked out of the cafeteria.  </p><p>They went through Adam’s, Frank’s, and Dustin’s locker without finding anything to cover the mark with. Dustin suggested they could color over it with a permanent marker, but the last time Adam had drawn on his skin with a permanent marker, his mom had gotten mad. Finally, Kristin McGee from class B, whose locker was next to Dustin’s, lend them her blue scarf. Frank and Dustin thanked her while they all stood around screening Adam from view as he carefully tied the scarf with his left hand. Adam smiled to Kristin warmly as the bell rang and they hurried back to class.</p><p>The rest of the afternoon many of Adam’s classmates kept glancing at his wrist and their teacher Ms. Brown had to call the class back to order several times due to the whispers and notes traveling in the room. Adam kept his eyes on the board and tried not to fidget too much with the scarf. During recess, many of Adam’s classmates, Lucy Wilson the most determined of them, asked to see his mark. Adam refused. And that fact, accompanied by the report that Dustin had said Adam’s soulmark was <em>wrong</em>, quickly spread the news that Adam Milligan’s soulmark was weird.  This news got varying responses. As the afternoon dragged on, some got more aggressive in their attempts to see Adam’s mark others didn’t want to meet his eyes. Their teachers tried their best to keep the class off Adam’s back, soulmarks were <em>private</em> business in the world of adults.</p><p>When Adam finally got home, he tossed his packbag into his room and locked himself into the bathroom. Adam untangled the scarf from his wrist and got a better look at his soulmark. Adam’s stomach twisted as he looked at the squiggly symbols. A part of him had hoped they would have turned into letters by now, but no, it was still the same incomprehensible scribble as before. What kind of language was that? Adam had never been all that interested in languages, all he knew was that some countries used different alphabets. Did that mean that out there somewhere was someone else staring at their wrist feeling just as confused by the letters that formed <em>Adam</em> as Adam was now feeling with these symbols? The idea seemed bizarre to him.</p><p>Adam had never really put much thought into having a soulmate. He had known they were a thing for as long as he could remember, but he had never seen himself having one. His mom did not have a soulmate, so Adam had assumed he didn’t either. But now these symbols declared otherwise, somewhere there was a person that destiny had chosen for Adam, and somehow Adam had been chosen for them. Both of those facts were equally weird. Adam wasn’t sure he wanted to be anyone’s soulmate, judging from what he had seen on TV it seemed like a lot of work. But it did also seem kind of nice, once you got over the blackmailing and secret twins and fake tattoos. It was weird to imagine Adam had a real person out there for him, but it wasn’t really a bad thing. Adam had had to be alone a lot, maybe his soulmate wouldn't be as busy as his mom. </p><p>Adam ran his thumb over the markings and tried to imagine that there was a face, a person, behind them. It was very hard, unlike some of the boys and girls in his class who had long lists of things they imagined their soulmate to have, Adam had no idea of what kind of person his soulmate would be. <em>They need to be nice</em>. That was the only requirement Adam could think of. Yes, his soulmate needed to be nice and not have an evil twin that would trick Adam.</p><p>Adam spent a good while imagining all sorts of high jinks he and his soulmate could get up to before he looked at the clock. He hurried downstairs, to make his mother some sandwiches and warm up the dinner she had made. His mom worked nights, so she usually slept during the day. She would cook big batches of different soups and casseroles so Adam could warm them up and they would eat together before her next shift started. Adam always made her sandwiches, he did not have to, but he wanted to help his mom, and it made his mom smile and hug him tightly when he did. And Adam could make a mean sandwich if he did say do himself.</p><p>Kate smiled as she came downstairs. “Hi, sweetie, how was your day?”</p><p>“I, uh,” he started. Adam had not really thought how he should go about this.</p><p>“Is everything alright? Did something happen at school?” Kate’s eyes immediately lost their drowsiness as she looked at Adam sharply.</p><p>“Everything is fine!” Adam was quick to reassure her. “It’s just… I got my mark,” Adam said turning his wrist towards his mom.</p><p>Kate hurried over, taking Adam’s wrist gently into her hands. She was smiling. Adam felt an insurmountable sense of relief when her smile did not falter one bit as she looked at the symbols.</p><p>“Oh, how wonderful, Adam!” she tucked some of Adam’s hair behind his ear and ran her thumb across his cheek, “I am so happy for you.”</p><p>“Really?” Adam could not believe it. “You don’t think it’s… weird?” Adam tried to keep his voice steady as he said the last word.</p><p>“It’s perhaps not… ordinary,” Kate said after a brief pause “But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing at all! It just means that there is a whole wide world for out there for you sweetie and someone in there waiting just for you! My special little boy” Kate pulled Adam into a hug, and Adam let her. He did not know if he ought to be getting too old for hugs. Right at that moment, as his mom was promising him that there was nothing wrong with Adam’s weird soulmark and it in no way made him weird, Adam never wanted to get too old for hugs.</p><p>Kate remained in an especially good mood for the rest of their dinner. She and Adam even had some of the better ice cream they saved for special occasions.</p><p>Before Kate left for her shift, she took out a small box of her knickknacks and found a brown flat leather bracelet to cover up his mark with. There was nothing strange about covering a soulmark, Kate assured him, kids sometimes chose not to but mostly started once puberty hit. Adam trusted his mom to be right about this. It did make him feel better that his mom seemed to be so happy with Adam’s soulmark. It would take him years to realize why that had been. At eleven Adam didn’t really know about the superstitions surrounding markless people, how hard it could get, how some people wouldn’t have even shaken his mom’s hand had they known she didn’t have a soulmark. Adam didn’t know or understand any of that, but he figured that if his mom was not that worried about Adam’s soulmark, then it would probably turn out fine.</p><p>*</p><p>The next morning Adam waited at Kristin McGee’s locker to return her scarf.</p><p>“Thanks again,” he said awkwardly handing over the scarf.</p><p>“No problem,” Kristin said while stuffing the scarf back into her overflowing locker. “You sure you don’t wanna keep it? I have plenty of them”</p><p>Adam didn’t take her up on her offer. He hadn’t really talked to Kristin before this. So they stood in silence for a moment.  </p><p>“Listen I don’t wanna come off as pushy but I found this at a yard sale yesterday and thought it might help” Kristin pulled a book out of her locker. It was clearly a bit old and battered and the once golden letters spelling out <em>The Languages of the World</em> were faded.</p><p>“You peeked,” Adam said his face getting red. </p><p>Kristin rolled her eyes. “No, I didn’t, it just doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if there is something unusual about your mark it must be about the letters.”</p><p>Adam squinted at her suspiciously but when she pointedly shook the book, he took it.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“No problem,” Kristin repeated. “You can keep that one though, I don’t need it.”</p><p>*</p><p>After Adam showed Dustin and Frank the book Kristin had given him, Frank suggested they could find even more books. Adam's symbols had to be somewhere. Adam chewed his lip and decided that yes, he would like to know the language, he'd probably have to learn it after all, wouldn't he?</p><p>That afternoon the three boys biked to the local library. They went around gathering all the books on foreign languages they could find, and Adam went to the bathroom to draw up a copy of his soulmark on a piece of paper. It was a bit clumsy given that he had to do it with his left hand, but it was not more illegible than his actual soulmark.</p><p>They started going through books trying to find a language that matched the symbols. They found nothing. Adam’s soulmark matched no languages any of them could find in <em>The Languages of the World</em> or any other book. Frank said they probably needed to find a bigger library if they wanted to find it. Adam got angry at that. It had been a hard afternoon for him, the rejection of each language had dashed his hopes further and further. How was Adam supposed to reach his soulmate if they lived on the other side of the world in some small village and spoke some language that people didn’t know? How was <em>Adam</em> supposed to talk to them?</p><p>“This is useless,” Adam declared closing his book.</p><p>“Don’t say that,” Dustin said, but his smile was clearly strained. They had wasted a perfectly good spring afternoon.</p><p>“Well, it is,” Adam said. “I should start heading home” he continued with an irritated tone. Both Frank and Dustin looked a bit sheepish, clearly trying to give Adam space to be frustrated. Adam felt even angrier, now his friends were treating him differently.</p><p>“Let’s just not waste any more time with this crap” Adam spat out. Frank looked alarmed at the word choice.</p><p>Adam took a deep breath and tried to calm down like his mother had taught him. “Look, thanks for the help guys, you two are the best, but I don’t want to waste our time with this, okay?”</p><p>Frank and Dustin were looking at Adam a bit hesitantly, but they nodded after a pause.</p><p>“If that is what you want,” Dustin promised.</p><p>They gathered the books and headed out.</p><p>“Have you considered that it could be a family thing?” Frank asked, breaking the silence that had fallen as they unlocked their bikes.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Well, I asked my sister-“</p><p>“You told your sister?!” Adam felt a cold flash of betrayal.</p><p>“No! No of course not!” Frank quickly continued. “I told her, well uh… that I was worried that my soulmark would be strange somehow. And she said, well that usually if a soulmark is weird it has to do with the family, that it is inherited somehow, and that I should be fine ‘cause my family all have normal marks” Frank explained rubbing his neck.</p><p>“My mom- “Adam stopped himself, his mom had said that they shouldn’t tell people. “My mom’s mark is normal.”</p><p>“And your dad…” Dustin trailed off. There was an awkward silence, they never really talked about the fact that Adam didn’t have a dad.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Adam said, his voice short.</p><p>Neither Frank nor Dustin said anything.</p><p>“Maybe I’ll ask her,” Adam said trying to sound casual as if finally asking about his dad wasn’t something he was nervous to do. Like it wasn't something that made his mom's smile tighten.</p><p>“Okay,” Frank said.</p><p>“But let’s drop this for now, okay?” Adam asked not looking at either of his friends.</p><p>“Okay,” Frank said again.</p><p>“Let’s do something fun this weekend!” Dustin said, his voice high. “Can you come over on Saturday to play video games?”</p><p>*</p><p>After a few weeks of mulling it over, Frank’s comment about families gave birth to a new campaign for Adam. He wanted to meet his dad. Adam had never really thought about his dad <em>too </em>much. Sure, sometimes when he saw other fathers with their kids, like when he sat down in either Dustin’s or Frank’s house and listened to their dad telling unfunny jokes and saw how Dustin or Frank groaned but smiled all the same, he wondered what his dad was like, if he told jokes like that. On one father’s day when Adam had been a lot smaller, he had dragged a stool in front of the bathroom mirror and really stared at himself, trying to find the features that were clearly from his mom, like his eyes and his nose, and tried to construct his father’s face from the leftovers. It had not worked. Before his soulmark had appeared, Adam had been mostly content with knowing nothing of his father, but now it felt important.</p><p>Kate Milligan had not needed this instance to know that his son was as stubborn as they come. It took months but she did finally relent. Adam was bouncing on his heels at the door as Kate dug for the old card she had kept all these years. Kate did send Adam to his room before making the call and even made sure Adam was actually in his room before dialing up the number.</p><p>18 hours later John Winchester stood at their doorstep.</p><p>Adam had no idea what to say or do when he looked at his dad for the first time. John Winchester seemed to be suffering from the same problem as he stared back at Adam, his mouth slightly open as if he were just about to say something, but the words were lost. They just stood there, at the door, staring at each other in stilled silence.</p><p>Kate cleared her throat. “It is good to see you, John.”</p><p>John lifted his eyes from Adam’s face to her. Adam saw his expression soften.</p><p>“Hi Kate, it has been a while.”</p><p>“Why don’t you come in, so we can talk?” Kate said gesturing towards their living room.</p><p>Adam moved mutely out of the way as John stepped inside. He couldn’t help staring even though he knew it was rude. This was his <em>dad</em> and he was in Adam’s <em>living room</em>.</p><p>“So uh… Adam this is John, John this is Adam” Kate said into the silence.</p><p>John smiled warmly and offered his hand. “Hello, Adam, how’s it going?”</p><p>Adam felt crushing disappointment and was trying his best not to let that show. He hadn’t known what to expect and his mom had been trying to keep his hopes moderate, but he was still disappointed. As soon as John had offered his hand Adam knew he had been expecting a hug. He knew he had expected everything to just click into place, for this man to simply slide into the shape of his dad. Instead, he was looking at a tall and tired stranger. Adam wanted to cry.</p><p>“Fine,” he managed to mutter as he took John’s hand, it was big and calloused. “Thanks for coming all this way”</p><p>“Of course, kid,” John said seeming to choke a bit with the last word. Adam didn’t blame him, maybe he wasn’t what John had expected either.</p><p>“How’s your school going? What grade are you on?” John said once they had all sat down, clearly trying to get the conversation going.</p><p>“I just started sixth grade.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Are you liking middle school?”</p><p>Adam shrugged. “More of the same.”</p><p>“Adam is really smart” Kate smiled. “If it weren’t for his attitude all the teachers would adore him,” she continued with a laugh. Adam didn’t look at John when she spoke.</p><p>“Well then, it’s a good thing you got your brains from your mom”</p><p>Adam had no idea what to say to that. “…Right”</p><p>Adam could feel his mom looking at him, clearly worried about his relative shyness now that John was finally here. There was something Adam wanted to ask John, but he wasn’t ready to jump straight into <em>soulmarks</em>.</p><p>“So, what do you do?” Adam pushed himself to ask.</p><p>“I am mechanic” John answered casually.</p><p>“Oh,” That was surprisingly… normal; from John’s rugged look Adam had expected something wilder. “What’s that like?”</p><p> “I like it. I have always liked cars,” John shrugged. “Do you like cars?”</p><p>Adam hesitated to answer. He didn’t know enough to have an opinion. Larry in their class knew <em>everything </em>about cars, Adam had never really paid attention.</p><p>“They’re cool, I guess,” Adam said finally.</p><p>“Have you gotten to look inside the hood?”</p><p>“Of a car?”</p><p>John nodded.</p><p>“No” Adam shook his head.</p><p>“I have a real beauty out there, a 1967’ Chevy Impala, I can show you some stuff if you want”</p><p>“Really?” Adam straightened up. This sounded important. It was the kind of stuff dads usually did with their sons.</p><p>“Really,” John promised.</p><p>Adam’s mouth spread into a smile. Now it felt more like it should have. He was going to do <em>father-son stuff</em>.</p><p>Kate smiled as well. “Why don’t I get you something to eat?” she asked John, judging that it was safe enough to leave them alone for a minute. “It must have been a long drive.”</p><p>“That would be great, thanks Kate.” John smiled at her as she moved to the kitchen.</p><p>John turned his gaze back to Adam, whose mind was still circling the idea of his <em>dad</em> teaching him about cars. “I’m real glad you wanted to meet me, Adam,” John said after a moment. “Truly” then he cleared his throat awkwardly and ran his hand through his hair.</p><p>Adam’s eyes followed the thick leather band on John’s right wrist. This caught John’s attention and he looked down at Adam’s hands folded in his lap.</p><p>“You got your..?” John trailed off tapping his own wrist.</p><p>“Yeah, uh, yes, a few months ago. There is actually something that I wanted to, well, ask you… about marks, if that is okay?"</p><p>John’s face went blank for a brief second.</p><p>“Sure, ask away” John shrugged but he seemed stiff and he was no longer looking directly at Adam. “I know your mom doesn’t… so yeah, you can ask me”</p><p>“It’s… about my mark in specific actually,” Adam said fidgeting with his leather band. "I guess I’ll just show you if that’s cool.”</p><p>John nodded mutely.</p><p>Adam took off his leather band. It was the first time he took it off in front of other people. He felt strangely naked.  John’s eyes fell on Adam’s mark and he leaned in closer. John must have felt Adam’s gaze on his face because there wasn’t the slightest change of expression. He did not find this as reassuring as he had his mom’s reaction even though they were the same.</p><p>“Well, that’s… something,” John commented finally, there was something thick in his voice.</p><p>“Yours then? it isn’t...?” Adam could not finish the question. He had a hard time swallowing the lump in his throat.</p><p>John shook his head. “Mine’s nor- Mine’s in English,” John’s shoulders slumped, he hesitated for a moment and took off his own band.</p><p><em>Mary,</em> it read in faded gray letters. Dead.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” Adam was quiet for a moment, looking at his own shoes.  “I just thought yours might-“ he shook his head.</p><p>“It’s alright, kid, naturally you’d wanna ask” John cleared his throat again slipping his band back on. “Do you know what it says?”</p><p>Adam shook his head. “I have looked at some books, but it is not in any of them.”</p><p>“I could look into it, I mean, if you want,” John sounded distant.</p><p>“You could?” Adam lifted his eyes from his shoes.</p><p>“Yeah kid, I travel a lot, so I might find something.”</p><p>Adam thought about that. He had been resigned to ignorance for months now. His last hope had been John’s mark. The thick disappointment had felt, clearly meant that he <em>wanted</em> to find his soulmate.</p><p>“If it's not too much trouble,” he said finally.</p><p>John waved him off. “So, Adam, what do you wanna do when you grow up?” John changed the subject as Kate entered with a plate.</p><p>“I want to be a doctor, so I can help people, like my mom does,” Adam straightened up again.</p><p>A wide warm smile spread on John’s face seeming to dispel some of the sadness that had crept there.</p><p>“That is great."</p><p>*</p><p>Adam had a fun weekend with John, they went to a baseball game, looked inside the Impala, watched some TV. It hit him like a bag of rocks when he realized that John was leaving. Adam had thought that he would… stay. Though he felt stupid even thinking about it. Of course, John had his own life to get back to. Adam had met his dad, it had been what he had wanted, right? Adam kept himself from crying when John patted him on the back as a goodbye.</p><p>“See you around, son,” John said, not meeting his eyes as he climbed into his impala. Adam had almost asked him to stay, but he stopped himself.</p><p>Later that night Adam understood why his mom had been so unwilling to contact John. Because it <em>hurt.</em> Adam couldn’t help the tears rolling down his cheeks as he was brushing his teeth. It hurt now, to look for John’s features in his face, more than it had when he hadn’t known what to search for. It hurt having a face and a name to connect to the word dad to know what shape the hole in his life was. It hurt knowing the person who was supposed to be there but <em>wasn’t.</em> Adam wished John had never come at all.</p><p>It had been stupid to want to so desperately chase any clues about his soulmate. The whole idea of chasing his soulmate seemed so stupid now. If the whole thing depended on destiny, why should Adam have to put in all this extra work? And if the whole thing was just destiny what was the point at all? Adam didn’t see the point of liking someone just because they were supposed to be something to you, John was supposed to be his dad, and he had apparently come out of a sense of obligation, not because he really wanted a son. If John wanted a son he would have stayed. Adam didn’t like the idea of forced affection at all, he’d rather be liked for himself and nothing else. Like it was with Dustin and Frank, he chose them and they chose him. If someone only showed interest in you because they were supposed to how could you trust that? Maybe Adam didn’t even want a soulmate.</p><p>“Oh, sweetie,” Kate said when he found Adam curled in his bed, sobbing quietly. She sat down on his bed and started stroking his back. Her face was blurred as Adam looked up at her. His mom was different, Adam was different, Adam was sure of it. She was his mom, and she loved him because of that, yes. But she also chose to love him. Things weren’t always easy for them and maybe his mom’s life would have been easier without Adam, but she had chosen him before he was born and after he was born and she kept choosing to stay every single day, And she never made Adam doubt that he was loved.</p><p>“I’m sorry, mom,” he said his voice cracking. “I shouldn’t have asked you to- “ Adam tried to hold back sobs.</p><p>“Shh, it’s alright, just let it out” Kate spoke calmly. That only made Adam sob harder. Kate’s hand remained warm on Adam’s back until he could steady his breath. His mom was different from John, she kept choosing Adam. Adam only hoped that he would keep finding people who would choose him, even if John wouldn't.</p><p>“I love you, mom,” he said as he reached out to pull her into a hug.</p><p>“I love you too”</p><p>*</p><p>Adam did see John again, though he was never as happy as he had been during their first weekend. It was never the same after the first time Adam watched him leave.  Over the years John popped by every now and then, and they would do some type of “guy stuff” together. But John wasn’t really a fixture in Adam’s life. “Only here for the highlight reel” 16-year-old Adam thought bitterly as he watched John pull out of their driveway.</p><p> John had never mentioned his soulmark again, so Adam assumed he hadn’t found anything, being as useless in that area as he was in everything else, for this Adam was glad, he wasn’t looking anymore. Soulmates and intended love didn't sound all that great. Adam wasn’t looking for a father in John anymore either, he was done with that as well. It wasn’t John he could ask for help if he needed it was mom. It had been mom who had given him the most awkward talk of his life, it had been his mom’s friend Tom, who had taught Adam how to shave. But it was fine, Adam didn’t need John, he had his mom, good friends, and it was time he focused on schoolwork.</p><p>Adam still wanted to become a doctor and getting all the grades for it was no joke. But it was fine, he liked challenging stuff. When he was having a hard time focusing up, he would imagine his future. He thought about doing something with doctors without borders, so he could travel and see the world and help people where they really needed it most. He thought of all the people he could meet, and sometimes at night when he let his mind wander, he thought of all the languages they would speak and all the ways those languages would be written down. Usually, his mind was not allowed to wander. Adam had a soulmate he didn't even really want whose name he couldn't even pronounce, but it was fine, Adam had other stuff to focus on.</p><p>Adam was doing so well in his chemistry classes in his junior year of high school that he was asked to tutor some of the people lagging behind. His teacher promised him extra credit, so Adam said yes. He needed to get a scholarship. He was paired up with Kristin McGee, who Adam hadn’t really talked to in five years. When he had been 11 and stupid, he had been angry at her for giving him that book, for giving him hope. Now he came to find out that Kristin had grown up to be cool and funny. Totally uninterested and unwilling to learn chemistry, but cool.</p><p>“That interest in languages never really took, huh?” she said as they were sitting in Adam’s room and Adam finished explaining a complex set of formula applications.</p><p>Adam stilled for a moment. They had never yet talked about <em>that</em> even though they had been meeting up for a couple of weeks now.</p><p>“Nope,” he said resolutely keeping his eyes on his chemistry notebook.</p><p>“Took to me, you know” Kristin shrugged.</p><p>Adam lifted his eyes. Kristin was looking at him through the veil of her brown hair. They were sitting quite close to each other, Adam hadn’t noticed before, but now it seemed almost distracting. </p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yep” Kirstin popped the P. “I am studying Latin and French now and I want to go to Europe to study languages.”</p><p>“And you don’t have time for your chemistry homework.” Adam shook his head.</p><p>“Well that’s what you’re here for, right?” Kristin smiled. It was a nice smile, Adam noted.</p><p>Adam wasn’t sure what changed, but after that session, he and Kristin started talking about other stuff as well. They’d text each other sometimes and Adam found that Kristin was way better at being funny through texts than he was. He had to be careful when looking at his phone in class. If Adam wasn’t reading some of those texts wrong, he was well on his way to having his first girlfriend. Which was great, but also raised a lot of questions. He had never had a girlfriend before. Kristin was great, funny, and smart and very very pretty (at least Adam thought so). But he didn’t know how to go from there. Kristin too seemed to have some other stuff on her mind. Sometimes when Adam tried to imply dates and other stuff like that, she pulled back suddenly and switched the conversation entirely.</p><p>Adam couldn’t help but wonder if it was a soulmate thing. Some people wanted to wait for their soulmates and didn’t date anyone else. It seemed crazy to Adam. With a mark like his, Adam was becoming more and more convinced he would never find his soulmate, so he had no problem with the idea of dating other people, but maybe Kristin was waiting for hers. The idea made Adam’s stomach twist but there was nothing he could do about it.</p><p>Adam left the ball at Kristin’s court, it didn’t seem like a good idea to push. If Adam wasn’t letting his mind fool him, there was still some tension in the air. It drove him crazy. He was so confused, and there wasn’t really anything he could do. Adam had now learned like every other kid that directly asking about someone’s soulmark was very very rude. Kristin was a direct person, but Adam doubted even she would take soulmark questions well. </p><p>It had to be Kristin that broke the silence which she finally did one day as they were hanging out in Adam’s room. They had been sitting on Adam’s bed just talking about this and that. Kristin had fallen quiet after Adam’s impression of Mr. Stevenson’s afternoon class, and Adam was mentally kicking himself as his joke had fallen completely flat.  </p><p>“I need to tell you something,” Kristin started and Adam could feel the mood shift to something more serious.</p><p>Kristin was silent for a moment before she continued. “It’s about my- my soulmark.”</p><p>Adam felt his stomach drop through the floor into the Earth’s core. “Okay” was all he could say.</p><p>“I don’t- I don’t...” Kristin started, looking at anywhere but Adam. “I don’t have one,” she finally forced out, her voice was so small that had Adam sat any farther away he would not have heard her. </p><p>“You don’t..?” Adam tried to process this new information. “Then why don’t you want us to date?” he blurted.</p><p>Kristin stared at him. “I tell you I’m markless and that’s what you say?!” Kristin’s suddenly raised voice startled Adam.  </p><p>“Oh, I know the shit people say and I know it’s all bullshit. My-“ Adam stopped himself his mom liked Kristin but was it his secret to tell?</p><p>“I don’t care, like, at all,” he said. “God knows my mark is some bullshit” he wiggled his bracelet off on a whim and lifted his wrist for Kristin to see. “I am supposed to wait around for <em>this</em>? No, thank you.”</p><p>“You could change your mind,” Kristin said in a quiet voice eyeing Adam’s mark.</p><p>“So could you!” Adam huffed. “Maybe you find out I don’t like your favorite band, and that will be the final straw. Soulmarks aren’t the only thing that matter, there is also choice! And I’d choose you if you would just let me.”</p><p>Kristin stared at him for a long while. Then she leaned closer and kissed him. It was awkward, their teeth clashed. Adam felt invincible.</p><p>*</p><p>Kristin and Adam and had a great time their junior year. Their friends all thought they were disgusting, it was awesome. They were mostly just having fun together, both of them were stubborn and they butted heads quite often but it was never over anything serious. Their first big fight didn’t happen until senior year a few months before their prom.</p><p>Kristin was eyeing through Adam’s bookshelf mostly to tease Adam about his taste in  music, when she pulled out a book Adam hadn’t looked at for ages. <em>The Languages of the world</em> was covered in dust.</p><p>“You still have this?” Kristin sounded immediately hurt and Adam was alarmed.</p><p>“Well yeah… you gave it to me.”</p><p>Kristin rolled her eyes. “Right, that’s the reason you kept it.”</p><p>Adam’s mark was still a bit of a sore subject even though he had tried to convince Kristin that he did not care in the slightest.</p><p>“That and I forgot to throw it out,” Adam shrugged.</p><p>Kristin eyed him suspiciously. Adam felt that that was uncalled for, hadn’t he done all in his power to convince her that he had no interest in his soulmate. Adam didn’t want to go through the same conversation again, though he could see why Kristin sometimes needed it, but he had his limits. </p><p>“Can we be done with this already?” he sighed.</p><p>He should not have said that. It was the first time they really fought and neither of them having enough experience to hold back, Kristin left his house in tears that night and Adam felt terrible and terribly angry. He didn’t know what to do, how to fix this, how to take back some things he said and forgive those Kristin had screamed at him. He wanted to move on, but didn’t know how to do it. Adam was settling on destroying <em>The Languages of the world</em>. Until he got a better idea.</p><p>The next morning he went to Kristin’s locker holding <em>The Languages of the world.</em></p><p>“Adam, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything,” Kristin said immediately as she saw him approach. She looked like she hadn't slept at all.</p><p>“I’m sorry too,” he said and handed Kristin the book. Her face went white as she looked at the book. </p><p>“Open it,” Adam said.</p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p>“Just open it” Adam tried to stop the smile in his face. </p><p>Kristin squinted at him and slowly opened the book and saw that Adam had cut the center of the pages away and written <em>Prom?</em> in big golden letters. He had drawn a rose too but it wasn’t much to look at.</p><p>“You are such a dork,” Kristin said as a smile spread onto her face.” And this is, for the record, possibly one of the worst ways you could have asked me.” </p><p>“So…?”</p><p>“Yes, you stupid.” Kristin reached up and gave him a small peck on the lips. “Also, I still kinda want to destroy this book”</p><p>*</p><p>Adam’s senior prom was a really fun night. He got to hang out with his friends, just dance and have a good time. What he would always remember about that night was Kristin though. She looked beautiful in her sparkling blue dress. Adam’s heart skipped a beat when he had first seen her and judging from her smile she had known that. When the slow songs came around it was a no-brainer for them to find a spot and slowly sway in each other’s space. As Kristin pressed her head onto Adam’s chest Adam caught a whiff of her strawberry shampoo and his knees felt soft. He looked over her head at the few other couples and the multitude of people just standing around just watching, he suddenly saw Lucy Wilson and wondered if she was still waiting for Lucas.</p><p>Something big swelled in Adam’s throat.</p><p>“I am so glad you let me choose you,” he whispered into Kristin’s hair, breathing in the smell of strawberry shampoo. </p><p>Kristin looked up at him and smiled, her eyes sparkling.</p><p>“I am glad you let me choose you too,” she said leaning in for a kiss.</p><p>*</p><p>Kristin didn’t want a long-distance relationship. It was a fact she made very clear even before getting accepted into a language program in the Netherlands. Adam had seen this coming every time they talked about their futures, but it did not make things easier. Adam had tried to convince her to give it a shot, but Kristin was adamant that it would just make them both miserable. Adam didn’t see the point as he was already miserable. It was hard to imagine that night as perfect as their senior prom had not been so long ago. </p><p>Adam himself got accepted into the University of Wisconsin. It was hard to leave his mom, and he knew it was hard for his mom as well to let him go. But a change of scenery did do him good. Adam was settling in well enough, meeting new people, enjoying his classes, keeping very busy, until one day he got a panicked call from his mom begging him to come home, that there had been an emergency. Adam didn’t hesitate a second before jumping behind the wheel. </p><p>When he came home there was his mom, who looked like she had been crying, and a police officer inside. Adam tried to calm his mother, tried to get her to tell him what was wrong, but his mother just shook her head right until the moment her face twisted into a triumphant smile.  Adam didn’t see it coming when the ghoul wearing his mother’s face knocked him out.</p><p>*</p><p>Adam hadn’t really thought about his soulmark or his soulmate for a while, but they were still one of Adam’s final thoughts as he felt teeth sink into the skin of his wrist and <em>tear</em>. Adam Milligan died screaming without ever meeting his soulmate.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please tell me what you guys think!!  This fic has been a long time in the making and I am really nervous. If someone wants to talk to me more directly you can also find me on <a href="https://tuometarr.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> </p><p> </p><p> Next chapter should be coming next Friday</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter 2 let's go!</p><p>But first:</p><p>1.WARNING: Just to be safe I'm going to give a warning that there is a small snippet where Adam recalls how he died.  I have surrounded the paragraph it is in with ** so if anyone wishes to skip it, they can. </p><p>2. A lot of the events and some of the dialogue of this chapter is from 05x18</p><p>3. Again I have to thank my friends Anna and <a href="https://almostwritingdragon.tumblr.com">@almostwritingdragon</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“I am so glad you let me choose you,” Adam whispered into Kristin’s hair, breathing in the smell of strawberry shampoo. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kristin looked up at him and smiled, her eyes sparkling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I am glad you let me choose you too,” she said leaning in for a kiss.</em>
</p><p>The moment came to a sudden halt as the music stopped and an overly bright spotlight was turned on right above them making Adam’s eyes water. He lifted his hand to block it out. Adam squinted at Kristin his stomach dropped as he saw her. Something was wrong. She was acting like nothing had happened, her eyes were closed and her mouth was moving strangely as she kissed the air where Adam’s face had been just a moment ago. He opened his mouth to talk to her before he remembered. That she wasn’t real. That this wasn’t real. He was dead and in Heaven. Because that’s what Heaven was apparently, just memories on repeat. </p><p>The spotlight went off and an old woman wearing a cat cardigan burst through the ballroom doors heading straight for them. Adam stood rooted to the spot. </p><p>“Hello, Adam. Good to meet you,” the woman said with a toneless voice as she crossed the room, her step way too springy to be an actual old woman. </p><p>Adam stared at the woman panic beginning to twist his insides. What was going on?</p><p>“Sorry to interrupt this lovely memory...” the grandma started but trailed off once she spotted not-really-Kristin, who was still kissing the air. “Oh, well, that is just strange-looking, you can all stop,” she said her voice still level and blank. Everyone at the ballroom instantly froze, not-really-Kristin’s face fell blank. Adam felt a tingle of fear going down his spine. </p><p>“What’s going on? Who are you?” Adam demanded trying to keep his voice steady.</p><p>“Well Adam, my name is Saniel and I am an angel.” </p><p>“An angel?” Adam asked, eyeing the woman up and down, there were pink pompoms on her cardigan sleeves.</p><p>“Is this form strange to you? I was told to wear something non-threatening.” the angel looked down at their body.</p><p>“Oh, uh… no, you're spot on,” Adam said. He didn’t mention that no amount of cat cardigans could make up for the flat tone of voice and expressionless face.  </p><p>Saniel nodded solemnly. “I was told humans consider old women soothing.” </p><p>Apparently, Saniel was referring to their body, not their clothes, which Adam really didn’t want to think about. </p><p>“So, uh, Saniel, why are you here?”Adam said hoping he wasn’t too rude to the angel crashing his prom night.</p><p>“Because there is something very important we need to talk about. You have been chosen, Adam. Heaven needs your help.”</p><p>“My help?” Adam was very confused, what could he do for <em>Heaven</em>?</p><p>“The Apocalypse has started and we need your help to usher in Paradise on Earth,” Saniel stated like they were asking Adam to pick up some milk on his way home.</p><p>“The Apocalypse? Like <em>The </em>Apocalypse<em>?</em>” Adam felt his head spinning. Saniel’s passive face did not help his inner freak out “And you want my help? <em>Why?”</em></p><p>“You are needed to help provide a vessel,” Saniel said as if this explained anything.</p><p>“A vessel?”</p><p>“Sadly most humans cannot stand long exposure to our true forms,” Saniel said. "However, there are people, special people, who angels can use as vessels when they need to go to Earth. It comes down to bloodlines and your bloodline, Adam, is <em>very</em> special.” Saniel was staring at him, intense and unblinking. It made Adam want to squirm. </p><p>“How?” Adam asked, as far as he knew there was nothing out of the ordinary with his family. His right wrist felt hot all of a sudden. Could it be about…?</p><p>“The Winchester bloodline is old and powerful and long included in Father’s Great Plan,” Saniel declared solemnly. </p><p>Adam wanted to laugh. “John Winchester was <em>a mechanic</em>.” </p><p>“Your father lied to you Adam,” Saniel said, their voice had a strange tilt as if Saniel was trying to mimic sadness. “He was no mechanic, John Winchester was a monster hunter, a great one.”</p><p>“What?” Adam had always thought John didn’t really look like a mechanic, but a monster hunter? How was that a thing? What monsters? Were those things that had attacked-</p><p>Adam had to stop that thought. </p><p>“My apologies, I didn't mean to upset you. The memories of your death must be unpleasant” Saniel said their voice still trying to emulate emotion but ringing false in a deeply unsettling way. </p><p>“You could say that,” Adam said shaking his head, trying to get his thoughts straight. “So I am part of a vessel bloodline or whatever? What does that mean? What do you want me to do?” </p><p>Saniel nodded. “You are part of a very special bloodline, meant for The Prince of Heaven. The Archangel Michael needs to fight the Traitor Lucifer to prevent him from bringing Hell onto Earth.” </p><p>That didn't clear anything up “...Okay. So what does that actually mean?”</p><p>Saniel tilted their head, “Michael needs a vessel to beat Lucifer. You could be that vessel. You could help Michael kill the Devil. I’ll admit, this way was not our first plan, but circumstances have made it necessary.” Saniel spoke slower as if to make things clearer.</p><p>“What was your first plan? What circumstances?” Adam said grasping at the part of the new information he could even remotely handle.</p><p>“John Winchester's other sons were first intended for this.”</p><p>“I have brothers?!” Adam could not believe it.</p><p>Saniel nodded. “Yes, Dean and Sam Winchester, John raised them to be hunters like him.” </p><p>Adam felt a pang at those words. It turned out John had sons he had wanted to keep. </p><p>“But their violent lifestyle has left both Dean and Sam… disturbed. They do not want to help Heaven. They are content to stand aside and watch the Devil kill the world,” Saniel continued.  </p><p>Adam was stunned. How could they just let that happen?</p><p>“Yes, it is very disconcerting," Saniel nodded at Adam's disbelief. "But you, Adam, can help us where your brothers won’t. It is unfortunate that they would push this burden onto you, but what must be done, must be done,” they continued</p><p>Adam nodded, he would not let the world get destroyed even though he apparently had a couple of insane half-brothers who would. </p><p>“I will not lie to you, Adam. The fight won’t be easy, and there will be some unfortunate sacrifices.” Saniel seemed actually genuine with those words. “But whatever casualties there are it all pales in comparison to what Lucifer wishes to accomplish.”</p><p>“He wants to bring Hell to Earth?” Adam asked his resolve strengthening. </p><p>“Yes, and all its unspeakable horrors,” Saniel shook their head. “So you can see why we would want to stop him by any means necessary.”</p><p>Adam looked around him in his memory at the ballroom full of people, most of whom presumably were still alive and on Earth.</p><p>“You could help save all these people, Adam. And of course, once Paradise is brought to Earth you would be rewarded,” Saniel gestured to the crowd.</p><p>“Rewarded?”</p><p>“Well, you would naturally never want for anything again, all would be within your reach, and… “ Saniel eyed Adam “We could also reunite you with your mother, I understand you two are quite close.”</p><p>Adam couldn’t believe it, he could see his mom again.</p><p>“She will, of course, remain safe in Heaven until the fighting is done,” Saniel continued, but Adam wasn’t really listening. </p><p>“Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever.” Adam said quickly, he could see <em>his mom.</em> “So what now? What do I do?” </p><p>Saniel smiled, it looked like the smile of someone who knew what a smile was in theory but didn’t quite understand it in practice. “Just a few simple things, first let’s get you back to Earth, Zacharia is waiting for you." </p><p>Saniel reached out and touched Adam’s forehead, everything flashed white. </p><p>*</p><p>Adam’s last memories on Earth had been that of pain, so it was sadly fitting that his first memories back would also be of pain. Something was burrowing into his chest and it <em>hurt</em>. Adam opened his mouth gasping for air as his chest burned. He jumped up and looked around, this was not what he had been expecting. Adam was in a living room of an old house filled to the brim with books and other artifacts. In front of him stood three men, and a fourth one was sitting in a wheelchair. They were all looking at Adam, clearly a bit unsure of what to do with him. As far as Adam could tell, at least three of the four were humans not angels. Where was Zacharia? He needed to find Zacharia so they could get started and he could see his mom again. </p><p>“Where am I?” Adam demanded his eyes scanning the room. He was out of breath, the sensation of breathing real actual air again felt somehow novel.</p><p>The tallest man tried to calm him down, but Adam didn’t feel very comforted by his assurances of safety. </p><p>“Who the hell are you?” Adam asked just as agitated.</p><p>It turned out they were Sam and Dean, Adam’s crazy half-brothers. They had found him before Zacharia and taken him. He had to get away and find Zacharia, but they wouldn’t let him. Adam doubted his chances of fighting one of his brothers not to mention the angel, Castiel, the man in the wheelchair, Bobby, he could shake off but the other three were a problem. So Adam decided to play along, for now, maybe he would get a chance to slip away. </p><p>**</p><p>Bobby told him to take a shower before they talked which Adam did appreciate. He was covered in dirt, gravedirt. Adam felt like he could melt under the hot spray. The heat relaxed his stiff muscles and it felt amazing to have the itching dirt washed away. As Adam scrubbed away he tried his best to distract himself. Now that he was back in an actual body everything felt more real. Adam could remember what it was like to have his skin torn, his stomach cut open, his-</p><p>Adam forced himself to take deep breaths as he washed his now smooth and intact skin. He still felt the ghost of the wounds that had no scars. Adam couldn’t bear looking at his soulmark, he could almost feel the teeth sinking into it. </p><p>More deep breaths. Adam reminded himself to focus, he needed to get to the angels and find Zacharia. </p><p>**</p><p>There was a knock at the bathroom door. “Adam?” Sam’s voice called. Adam figured he had been in the shower quite long enough, he turned the water off and wrapped a towel around himself before walking out of the bathroom. </p><p> “I brought you some cleaner clothes, we’re probably going to have to throw the old ones out,” Sam said, he was holding a bundle of clothes in his hands. </p><p>“Thanks,” Adam said and took the clothes without thinking. It was when he heard Sam’s quick intake of breath that Adam realized he had done so with his right hand, which was not currently covered as the leather band had been wet and muddy. Adam jerked his hand back quickly but the damage was done. Sam had seen his soulmark. </p><p>“I’ll, uh, give you some privacy,” Sam said hastily walking out the room. </p><p>Adam tried not to care about Sam’s reaction. The man was crazy and fighting against Heaven, so what if he thought Adam’s mark was weird. Still, he did feel better once he got to slip on the bracelet Sam had brought. </p><p>When Adam got out of the bedroom Sam was waiting for him. No chance to slip quietly away.</p><p>When they got to the living room, Bobby handed him a drink and told Adam to take a seat on the bed. </p><p>“So why don't you just tell us everything? Start from the beginning,” Dean said as Adam sat down. </p><p>Adam sighed and looked around. There was no way he could get away, was there? So he started describing Heaven a bit, he felt a smile creep to his face as he mentioned Kristin. He hadn’t thought about how she was most likely still alive and well, maybe Adam could find her after all of this was done. </p><p>Adam tried his best to remember everything Saniel had said to him, but it had been a lot of information to take in. He stuck to the basics, he and the Archangel Michael were going to kill the Devil. </p><p>When Adam mentioned Michael’s name the Winchesters seemed stunned. From what Adam could gather from the following exchange was that Dean had been Heaven’s first option. The air was tense, Sam seemed to be especially angry that Heaven was looking into other ways to save the world. Adam rubbed his eyes as the others squabbled, it had been a long day. </p><p>“You know this has been a really moving family reunion, but uh, I got a thing, so—” Adam got up, hoping they all were too distracted to care about him leaving.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. Sit down. Just listen, okay? Please.” Sam grabbed his arm. It was a bit ridiculous to watch a grown man try to use puppy-dog eyes on him.  </p><p>“It's unbelievable,” Adam huffed sitting back down, apparently they weren’t done. </p><p>Sam and Dean were very convinced that it was the angels that were full of crap, not them, but Adam was not sold. They even dared to try to use John to win Adam over which only made Adam angry, John wasn’t Adam’s family, his mom was.  </p><p>And yet, when asked for even one good memory, Adam couldn’t help but think about that first weekend with John. “Fine,” he said with a sigh, he would humor the Winchesters for a little while, it didn’t seem like he had much choice in the matter anyway. </p><p>Sam tried to explain their side. According to them, Heaven, angels, and Zacharia were all bad news. They didn’t have a plan exactly, but they weren’t going to go along with anyone else’s either. Dean also kept rolling his eyes as Sam talked. Adam could sort of feel for Sam but he still was not convinced. Of course, Adam didn’t want people to die but it was better than just letting the Devil walk free, it was the least sucky of the options available, no matter what his stranger of a brother said. But there was no way of getting out with Sam, Bobby, and Castiel all watching. </p><p>After a while, Sam pulled Dean to the side and they seemed to have a very intense conversation about something. Adam suspected it was about him as neither would look his way when they broke off. </p><p>“Cas, I need to talk to you about something,” Sam said after a moment. The angel reluctantly took his eyes off of Dean and followed Sam outside. Adam’s eyes flicked to the backdoor, maybe he could just leave now.</p><p>“Don’t be getting any funny ideas boys,” came Bobby’s voice from the kitchen.</p><p>Dean rolled his eyes. He looked behind his back to make sure Sam and Castiel were gone. </p><p>“Listen, dude, I would rather not talk about this, but Sammy thinks you deserve to know.” Dean didn’t look directly at Adam as he sat down and slipped off the band on his right wrist. Adam was a bit alarmed at first, but then he froze as he saw the <em>symbols</em> on Dean’s wrist. They were not the same as Adam’s but they were similar. The same language at least. </p><p>Despite all Adam had told himself about not caring about soulmates he couldn’t help being curious, his mark was pretty weird after all.</p><p>“Is it a family thing?” he asked.</p><p>Dean snorted, “No such luck, Sammy has- well, had a normal one, like dad. It’s just me, and apparently you, stuck with this crap.”</p><p>“Sam’s soulmate is dead?” Adam could not help asking. </p><p>Dean pressed his lips together into a tight line. “Killed. But the mark was normal.”</p><p>“I am sorry,” Adam said. There was a silence. “So what is this then?” Adam said tapping his leather-covered wrist. “Have you found the language?”</p><p>“It’s Enochian,” Dean said, clearing his throat.</p><p>“Enochian?” Adam had never even heard of that.</p><p>“Angel language,” Dean continued. </p><p>Adam had not been expecting that. “Angel- What?”</p><p>“Yeah, it means your soulmate is an angel." Dean's voice was rough and he didn't meet Adam's eyes. </p><p>“Is that even possible?” Adam was sure this had to be a weird prank. </p><p>“Apparently it is,” Dean said defensively as he slipped his band back on, his shoulders slumped in a way that reminded Adam of John. Dean was not yanking his chain. </p><p>“Are you sure it is not just a side-effect of the bloodline?” </p><p>“Sam’s normal, dad’s normal, and besides I’m sure mine is an angel.”</p><p>“How can you know for sure?” Adam raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“We’ve translated it, Bobby had some books,” Dean said his voice lowering. </p><p>“But how would you know that they’re an angel?” Adam wondered as Dean looked back again as he heard something creak, waiting to see if Sam and Castiel had returned. </p><p>“Oh,” was all Adam said next. He supposed <em>Castiel</em> was a rare enough name for Dean to be sure. </p><p>“So listen, this is gonna hurt but I’m just telling you this for your own good,” Dean said when he turned back. “Angels don’t have soulmates. It is a human thing and they don’t really get it at all. They don’t understand lo- “ Dean caught himself. “-emotions like we do, they don’t really care, at least not the way we do. The type of relationship you could get from an angel it’s not really made for any of this soulmate crap.” Dean's last words were laced in bitterness. </p><p>“Castiel looks like he feels annoyance at least,” Adam commented before he could stop himself.</p><p>Dean huffed trying and failing to sound amused. “Cas is a little weird and an exception. The rest of them, the ones still drinking the kool-aid, they don’t feel or want to feel. And even Cas… doesn’t really get it.” Dean tried to keep his voice blank when saying the last part. He did not look directly at Adam. </p><p>Adam did feel for him, truly, but in his mind, Dean had just confirmed something Adam had kind of suspected ever since he got his weird mark. That he did not have a soulmate, there was no one out there waiting for him. Adam could see how that could be devastating, as it clearly was for Dean no matter how much he tried to hide it, but for him, it meant that he was free. He was free of the pressure of having a soulmate. Adam could actually find and choose the person he wanted.  </p><p>“How do you know this?” Adam asked. </p><p>“Uh, there was this angel, Anna, she- she wasn’t like the rest of them, she told me.” Dean said Anna’s name heavily, a lot of people around Sam and Dean seemed to die. </p><p>“Okay,” he said finally. “Thanks for letting me know.”</p><p>“Thanks for-” Dean let out an exasperated huff. “That's all?!” Dean stood up and Adam tensed as Dean paced the room. </p><p>“I, uh, was kinda prepared for never meeting my soulmate because my mark is this weird.” Adam tried to keep his tone calm. “And there is this girl...”</p><p>Dean let out a sad little laugh and shook his head. “Oh, I see how it is. Well, that's- good for you, man.” He took a few steps around the room not looking at Adam. “I don’t suppose you want to know which one it is? Bobby could probably translate it.” Asking Castiel clearly wasn’t an option.</p><p>Adam shrugged. “It’s probably easier not to know.”</p><p>“I imagine it is,” Dean said with a sigh, there was something broken in his tone. </p><p>Adam opened his mouth to say something though he didn’t know what, when he heard the door open. Sam and Castiel were back, shutting down even the possibility to continue the subject, which Adam was kind of grateful for. </p><p>“Everything okay in here?” Sam asked tentatively as he came in. Castiel’s brows furrowed as he saw Dean’s tense expression. </p><p>“Everything is A-Okay in here Sammy, not counting the end of the world of course.” Dean’s smile was <em>painful</em>. </p><p>“All right Dean. We are putting you in the panic room,” Sam said eyeing his brother with suspicion. </p><p>Dean rolled his eyes. “Aww C’mon Sammy, is that really necessary?” </p><p>“Yes,” said Castiel stepping right into Dean’s space. </p><p>Dean tensed up. “Alright, alright, no need to shake me down.”</p><p>“Where are you taking him?” Adam asked. </p><p>“To the shu,” Dean answered with fake enthusiasm as he was walked off by Sam, Castiel hot on his heel. </p><p>Adam took another look at the door. Bobby, who was still in the kitchen, just shook his head. Adam was pretty sure he was packing.</p><p>Adam let out a sigh, he needed to wait for his moment. </p><p>*</p><p>Adam tried to sneak out but Sam caught him. Adam really was a prisoner no matter what they said. At least Sam did look kind of apologetic about it so Adam felt charitable for a moment but then Sam implied that John had done the right thing by abandoning Adam, that somehow Adam had been the one who had been better off, without a dad and no knowledge or preparedness to protect him or his mom when John’s enemies came looking for them. </p><p>It made Adam so angry he didn’t talk to Sam for the rest of the night. He went back to the bed angry, trying to think of ways to shake Sam off. Eventually, Adam felt tired enough to fall asleep. In his dreams, Zacharia was waiting for him. </p><p>Adam was not sure if he should trust Zacharia, he felt some doubt, Sam had said a lot of things. But then Zacharia spoke of Adam’s mom and with that, it wasn’t really a choice at all. As soon as Adam told Zacharia where he was, he was whisked away to a beautifully ornate room. He felt a bit bad for abandoning Sam and Dean like that but Adam would do what it took to see his mom.</p><p>*</p><p>Adam felt like the stupidest person alive when Zacharia betrayed him. Of course, it was all just a trap for Dean, Adam had never mattered. He was so <em>angry, </em>at Zacharia, at the world, but mostly at himself. Adam tried banging the walls and screaming until Zacharia got so annoyed at him that he flicked his hand again so <em>pain</em> bloomed in Adam’s stomach and he collapsed coughing up more blood. Adam was dying again. An angel was actually killing him. </p><p>Dean and Sam did come for him. Adam couldn’t believe it. He felt lightheaded from the pain, but he was happy, his brother had come for him. Dean killed Zacharia and they made a break for it. There was no time to lose, Michael was coming. Adam's elation at his last-minute rescue turned to terror as the door slammed shut behind Sam and Dean, leaving Adam alone in the room. He banged the door desperately but it didn’t budge. Adam didn’t want to die again, but it was all useless. The light got brighter and brighter. Adam turned to face it and watched it as long as he could. Adam closed his eyes, facing death again. </p><p>* </p><p>Adam didn’t die. He opened his eyes standing on the porch of a cabin looking down on a lake with two deep blue mountains rising behind it. The sun was blazing above him almost blindingly bright. Adam blinked, avoiding looking at it. He knew what it felt like to be dead, and this wasn’t it. Where was he?</p><p><em>Adam Winchester,</em> came a voice from the air around Adam, it echoed in his head.</p><p>Adam risked a peek at the blazing white light that was not the sun at all. </p><p>“Milligan, actually,” he corrected, forcing himself to look at Michael as spots began to appear in his vision. Why had Michael moved him just to kill him?</p><p>
  <em>I am not going to kill you, Adam.</em>
</p><p>Adam snorted. “So we’re here for a picnic, then?” Maybe it wasn’t smart to piss off an Archangel, but what did he have to lose anymore?</p><p>
  <em>We’re here to talk. Heaven needs your help, Adam.</em>
</p><p>“I’ve heard that before,” Adam said rolling his eyes, did Michael really think he was that stupid? </p><p>
  <em>Circumstances have changed, the time for tricks and lies is over. Dean Winchester is never going to say yes, I see that now. But my brother will get Sam Winchester one way or another. And if he is the only one with a vessel Lucifer will unleash damnation on this world. But you can help me prevent that Adam, you can save billions of people. </em>
</p><p>“That’s nice,” Adam said, he wouldn’t fall for that twice. Adam tried to ignore Michael’s scorching presence and look around. Maybe if he found some way to get a message to Sam and Dean-</p><p><em>Your brothers will not come for you, I imagine they think you’re dead. And regardless, they are more interested in looking out for one another. </em>Michael’s voice echoed in his head. It was giving Adam a headache. </p><p>Adam wanted to argue that Sam and Dean would come for him, but he didn’t see how they <em>could.</em></p><p>This was it then, Adam was stuck here with an Archangel who hadn’t killed him <em>yet. </em>He didn’t really have options, did he? He wasn’t ready to die again, but being forced to give his body to an Archangel did not sound all that great either.</p><p>
  <em>Adam, you need to decide whether you are going to let this world die or help me save it. You already made the right choice once, now make it again. </em>
</p><p>“I…” Adam fell silent. The fact was if he wasn’t being fooled again, and it was a big if, as far as Adam could see Heaven was still the better option between it and <em>Hell. </em>Sam and Dean didn’t have a plan, and even if they were willing to risk the entire world in a gamble, Adam was not. He had people he cared about, people he wanted to save, even if he couldn’t save himself. “I need time to think,” Adam said to the flaming ball. </p><p><em>There is nowhere to run to, so don’t bother.</em> Michael said vanishing in a blink. Adam was completely alone in the middle of nowhere.</p><p>*</p><p>Unsure of what to do, Adam went inside. The cabin had a comfortable bed and a fireplace. When Adam could focus on the view, it took his breath away. The lake glimmered with golden drops of the sun. The mountains were covered with shades of bluish-green, with snow on the mountaintops. When Adam could turn away from the landscape, he went to the bathroom to wipe the dried blood from his chin. There was no tap, just a basin of cool clear water. </p><p>After he was somewhat clean again, Adam didn’t really know what to do in the cabin. He was stuck in the middle of nowhere on the whim of an archangel. Adam didn’t really want to say yes to Michael, but what could he do? He supposed he could let Michael kill him here. It didn’t seem like a bad place to die, Adam remarked as he sat on the porch of the cabin watching the night sky full of star spread high above him. But then Adam would be dying for nothing again. </p><p>Adam stayed up unable to think but unable to sleep either. He just sat on the porch and watched the world around him. It was completely silent, just Adam and the night. It was so <em>peaceful</em> out here. It struck Adam that he had never had the chance to see places like this. There must have been so many beautiful places around the world that Adam had never seen. And if the Apocalypse really happened, he never would.</p><p>Adam sighed, he didn’t know if he was being intentionally manipulated or not. It was working anyway. </p><p>*</p><p>Michael came back as the sunrise was painting the mountains golden. </p><p><em>Have you had time to decide? </em>came the voice again. </p><p>Adam squinted as he looked at the angel, it was almost funny to see the difference between the soft golden rays of the sun and the violent blaze of Michael. </p><p>“Was Zacharia lying about my mom, about bringing her back?”</p><p>
  <em>It is possible if you so wish. </em>
</p><p>“And if I do this, you will leave me unharmed and I get my mom back?” </p><p>
  <em>Of course.</em>
</p><p>“And you aren't lying? You promise?” Adam asked, it was a childish question, it wasn’t as if Adam had anything to make Michael hold up his end of the deal. But he wanted to show he wasn’t completely blind anymore. </p><p>
  <em>I swear by my Father, Adam.</em>
</p><p>That kind of promise, coming from an Archangel, should get him something Adam supposed. </p><p>Adam was still looking at the sunrise. He thought of all the beautiful places he wanted to visit. That nature hike he and his mom had meant to go to once they had time. He thought of the little lake he and his friends had swum in as a kid. He thought of his friends, he thought of Kristin and wondered how she had settled in Europe. He thought of his mom.</p><p><em>If I am as good as dead anyway, </em>Adam thought, <em>might as well die for something. </em></p><p>Adam took a deep breath. “Yes,” he said facing Michael.</p><p>There was a blinding flash. It surrounded Adam and <em>pushed </em>into him. Adam couldn’t breathe, he felt like he was drowning. Adam was pressed and pushed, smaller and further down and down and down, until Adam barely <em>was. </em></p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yay Michael made his entrance! Please tell me what you thought of him, or of the Winchesters, it's going to be a while before we see Sam and Dean again.</p><p>I want to thank everyone who commented or left kudos on the first chapter it really meant a lot to me :D </p><p> If things go as they should, Chapter 3 should be up on Tuesday, but I will have next Friday as a backup date ^^"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes, I know it is indeed Thursday instead of Tuesday but sometimes I have to be a person first and a fic writer second as horrible as it is.</p><p>I don't think I have much else to say for this chapter besides thank you to my friends Anna and <a href="https://almostwritingdragon.tumblr.com">@almostwritingdragon</a> without whom this fic would not be here!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Adam was woken by sunlight at 10 am on a Sunday, he considered just getting back to sleep. He felt drowsy and heavy. Adam didn’t know why, but lately, it had been harder than usual to wake up. He felt groggy and his head felt as if it was filled with cotton. There were days when Adam wasn’t able to break out of the haze at all. It looked like it was going to be one of those days. Adam had almost dropped his head back on to the pillow when he heard his mom moving around the kitchen downstairs. A smile spread on Adam’s face as he climbed out of bed. His mom had a free day. </p><p>Adam made his way downstairs trying to shake his heavy limbs awake. </p><p>“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Kate greeted him with a smile. </p><p>“Morning,” Adam mumbled as he followed the scent of frying bacon into the kitchen.  </p><p>“Sleep well?” Kate said with a little laugh as she handed him a cup of coffee. </p><p>Adam just hummed and took a sip. “Thanks.” </p><p>“Oh, I forgot to add the milk, sorry,” Kate said taking the carton out of the fridge. </p><p>Adam frowned, looking down at his cup, he could have sworn it had tasted just fine. He took another sip grimacing this time. </p><p>“Still need the milk I see.” Kate reached to ruffle his hair before turning back to the sizzling slices of bacon.</p><p>Adam sat down and poured some milk into his cup. Had he really been too tired to taste it before? Adam rubbed his eyes.</p><p>“Have you planned anything with Kristin today?” Kate asked as they were finishing breakfast. </p><p>Adam shook his head. Lately, he had been feeling distant from Kristin. Something was just… off, but Adam had no idea what it was. There was something nagging at the back of his mind, but Adam couldn’t find the words for it. </p><p>“Well, should we do something together then?” Kate asked. “Should we have a movie night?” </p><p>That pulled Adam away from worrying about Kristin. “Sure,” he said with a shrug. “We could rent something.”</p><p>“Do you have something you want to watch?” Kate asked. </p><p>“How about <em>Up</em>? It’s so good, though the first ten minutes will get you, Henry bawled his eyes out in the first ten minutes.” Adam smiled at the memory.</p><p>“Henry?” Kate frowned. </p><p>“My roommate in-” Adam fell silent. He didn’t know any Henrys and he didn’t have a roommate in college, he was still in high school. “Nothing, ugh, I need more coffee.”</p><p>The day was quite uneventful. After breakfast, Adam and his mother washed the dishes together. Adam spent a lazy Sunday listening to some music, playing some games, and even working a little on his English essay. After they had eaten again Adam drove to town to rent <em>Up</em>. When he came home, he was greeted with the smell of popcorn. </p><p>The begin credits hadn’t even finished when everything went sideways. </p><p>At first, Adam thought it was an earthquake. The room was shaking and twisting. Then, before Adam could react, he felt the scorching heat of flames around him, but Adam didn’t see flames or smell smoke. Adam turned to grab his mom, they needed to get out of there. But his mom was just sitting there staring at the TV, now static, her face had fallen blank, just like Kristin’s in Hea-</p><p>A piercing high pitch scream rang in Adam’s ears as everything went black.  </p><p>*</p><p>The room returned to Adam’s vision. His “mom” was still sitting on the couch still staring at the TV screen. Adam dropped his head to his hands as the fog cleared from around his memories. He had died and went to Heaven and been brought back and now…? What was this? Was he dead again? What was going on? Adam reached for his last real memories. </p><p>“Michael?” he called out. </p><p>“Adam,” said his mother’s voice from next to him, but it was definitely not Adam’s mom. The voice was empty of all feeling, Kate Milligan had certainly never said Adam’s name like that. </p><p>Adam lifted his eyes and looked at the person sitting next to him, her back ramrod straight and face blank. It chilled Adam to his core to see his mom’s features worn by someone else. Terror flooded him. Adam could not breathe.</p><p><em>Ah, of course, your mother. I didn’t recall,</em> Michael’s voice from out of nowhere, Adam’s mom had disappeared completely.  <em>Who would you prefer I look like?</em> asked the voice.</p><p>Adam didn’t know how to even begin in choosing someone. </p><p>“Will this do?” came a familiar voice, but Adam could not place it. </p><p>He looked up and saw his own face staring blankly back. It was bizarre, but at least it was better than his mom. “Sure,” he said. “Wait- did you- did you just read my mind?” Adam asked in alarm.</p><p>“Yes,” Michael said way too casually.</p><p> “I-You can- don’t-” Adam doubted his thoughts made any more sense than his words. </p><p>“Promise me you won’t do that anymore, or I swear I will only think about “Never Gonna Give You Up””, Adam said eyeing Michael.</p><p>Adam watched confusion flash across his own features as Michael dissected Adam’s threat. “If you insist,” he said finally. </p><p>There was a silence.</p><p>“So, what happened, Michael? Where the hell are we?” As far as Adam knew this was not Paradise on Earth. </p><p>Michael turned his eyes to the TV and stilled completely. “We’re in Hell.”</p><p>Adam didn’t want to believe it. He felt horror claw his insides. “Lucifer won?”</p><p>“No,” Michael said his voice turning sharp. “He is here too, we’re all locked in his old Cage.” </p><p>Adam’s first feeling was relief, at least Earth was safe. But nothing else about that made any sense. “So wait, what happened?” </p><p>Michael turned to look at Adam again. His mouth pressed into a thin line. He eyed Adam for a moment and then began to explain. How Dean had shown up. How their body had been lit on fire. How Sam had taken control and pushed them all to the Cage. </p><p>Adam was quiet for a moment. He couldn’t believe Sam and Dean had actually pulled that one off. They had stopped the Apocalypse. </p><p>“So Sam and Dean won?” he asked after a moment trying to take it all in. </p><p>Michael didn’t seem to like that conclusion, a look of distaste flashing to his face. “They only delayed the inevitable, once the Heavens come for me, we will find my Father and usher in Paradise,” Michael said with conviction. “And I would not call Sam Winchester’s state victorious by any means,” he added more flatly.</p><p>“He’s here too?” Adam said with dread. </p><p>“Yes, my brother has him. Lucifer is very distraught to be back and is not handling it well.” Michael’s tone made Adam shiver. </p><p>“Lucifer has him, there is nothing you can do,” Michael repeated blankly before Adam could even open his mouth to ask if Michael could help Sam. Whether that was a couldn’t or wouldn’t Adam didn’t know. </p><p>The silence stretched. Adam’s mind was filling up with all the things that Sam had to be enduring. “I take it I have you to thank for the decor,” Adam gestured at his house just to say something. “I sincerely doubt this is what the Cage looks like.”</p><p>Michael nodded, eyeing the house. “You are currently buried within your memories, similarly to Heaven, though I doubt this is as stable. I focused more on keeping you covered from the outside,” Michael said turning back to look at Adam. </p><p>That explained all the weird glitches Adam had been experiencing. Michael had built him a little place inside his own head where Adam could move between memories in circles, but the memories weren’t as clear cut and bled into one another creating this weird reality of sorts.</p><p>“Why?” Adam asked. He was surprised that the Archangel had even spared a thought to him. </p><p>“I swore you’d be left unharmed,” Michael stated his face all serious. Guess this proved that Michael at least would keep his word. That made Adam feel a little bit better, he could be stuck with a worse angel. </p><p>“Thanks for sticking to your word, I guess.”</p><p>“Of course, I am an Angel,” Michael stated as if that was explanation enough.</p><p>“Yeah, well in my experience, being an angel doesn’t mean you will keep your word,” Adam said before he thought about it much. It was only after the sentence had left his mouth that Adam realized maybe he shouldn’t antagonize the guy hiding him from the literal devil. </p><p>“Ah, Zacharia,” Michael said, catching Adam’s meaning. Adam squinted at him trying to decide if he needed to make good on his 24/7 Rick Astley threat. “He was doing what was necessary, even if the means were not ideal,” Michael said as if that made it all okay.</p><p>“Oh yeah, you all seem really torn about hurting us humans,” Adam muttered trying to dispel the echoes of Zacharia’s handy work from his mind.</p><p>Michael frowned. “We are not needlessly cruel, and  I keep my word, no harm will come for you as far as I can help it.” </p><p>A part of Adam would have liked to start a debate on what constitutes as cruelty to angels, but maybe when an angel is the only thing between you and the deepest pit of Hell was not the best time for that. It did help Adam a little that Michael was keeping his word. As terrible as he felt about Sam’s situation he could not bear the thought of joining him. Adam was grateful he at least had someone he could sort of count on even if it was a flaming ball with a dubious concept of cruelty. </p><p>“So what was that then earlier?” Adam asked. “An accident?” </p><p>“You saw glimpses of the Cage,” Michael stated too matter of factly for Adam’s comfort.   </p><p>“Why? What triggered this memoryscape to fail all of a sudden?” Adam would very much like to never do that again. </p><p>“It didn’t fail,” Michael sounded almost insulted. “I nudged it to open just a bit.”</p><p>“Why would you do that?!” </p><p>“The angel Castiel attempted to retrieve Sam Winchester. When I sensed the presence of an angel, I thought my brethren had come to rescue us. As soon as I saw Castiel, I cracked a tiny hole into the “memoryscape”, as you called it, so Castiel could at least take you with Sam Winchester. I knew he was too weak for anything else. But as it turns out he wasn’t even able to raise Sam Winchester. Castiel took his body, but Sam’s soul is still here.” </p><p>Adam tried to absorb all that. </p><p>“Did it seem like he’d be back later?” Adam asked feeling a spark of hope ignite.</p><p> “He had to be very quick as not to catch Lucifer’s attention. We didn’t openly communicate as it would have blown his cover.” Michael said.</p><p>That was a very long-winded “No”. Adam felt the spark of hope die in a flood of cold in the pit of his stomach. </p><p>“My brethren will come for us, Adam, do not worry. Though it might take them a while longer. Coordinating a full-scale attack on Hell is no easy feat,” Michael said, he at least sounded certain. “In the meantime, you can live here. You won’t even know what is going on,” It was meant as a comfort, Adam knew, but it didn't sound like it. </p><p>“I should leave you before Lucifer notices anything amiss, things would get harder if I had to actively shield you from him,” Michael said reaching to touch Adam’s face, to put him back into the memories. </p><p>Adam almost fell off the couch in his hurry to avoid the touch. “I- I think I’d rather know what’s going on, thanks.”</p><p>Michael barely seemed to hear Adam’s words. “I know the construct is not perfect, but I should be able to fix it relatively soon, after that, there should be no further issues,” he assured. </p><p>“I’d still rather know, living in memories is not my thing,” Adam said, still on his guard in case Michael tried to touch him. Rationally, Adam knew there was no way he could stop the angel from doing whatever they chose, but Michael had been surprisingly accommodating so far.</p><p>“You didn’t seem to have a problem in Heaven,” Michael pointed out. </p><p>“Dude, I was in Heaven, not really my place to complain, was it?” </p><p>Michael stared at him as if Adam were an ant who had just done a backflip. “I suppose not,” he said after a moment of deliberation. “Very well then, what would you like?” </p><p>Adam relaxed a bit. He was not going to be forced back into a haze. “I’d like to remember,” he said with confidence and then stopped, what else?</p><p>The thought of living with his mother’s memory while being aware of it made Adam’s stomach turn. “None of the fake people please, it’s too weird. But I guess I’ll just keep living in this house.”</p><p>“I was under the impression that humans require company,” Michael said, a bit unsure as if he was speaking of the upkeeping of an exotic pet. </p><p>As much as Adam didn’t like the tone, Michael did have a point. But Adam didn’t see any other options. Adam didn’t want to live with something that was wearing his mother’s face but wasn’t her, and what else was there? Michael?</p><p>“You can drop by when you can, tell me how long until the cavalry arrives,” Adam said jokingly.</p><p>To his surprise, Michael nodded. “Very well, I will see you later then, Adam. Do not try to breach the “memoryscape” by yourself, it could draw my brother’s attention,” with those words Michael was gone before Adam could even open his mouth. </p><p>*</p><p>It was hard for Adam, getting used to the idea of literally living in his own head. It was weird looking at the couch and think, “Hey there should be an old stain there because I spilled some soda when he was 7” and then watch as the stain appeared. Now that Adam knew it, it was clear that he was in a memory, everything was a bit hazy and inaccurate. But it was comfortable enough and certainly better than the alternative. </p><p>Adam now had a lot of time in his hands. He played video games, played the guitar, read books, just killing time. He took on little manual projects to keep the boredom at bay. Fixed little things around the house, he even tried knitting, something his mother had enjoyed, but the sense of accomplishment wasn’t really there as nothing was real. </p><p>Sometimes Adam got frustrated and even wished he was back in the dream haze. He understood Michael’s point. It would have been easier, but at the same time, Adam didn’t want to live in a lie, confused and not being able to understand what was wrong, but knowing that there was something just nagging at the back of his head. </p><p>So Adam was left by himself mostly with boredom but also with a lot of frustration, and no solutions, and no real target for the frustration either. He tried to be angry at Sam and Dean, but he couldn’t really do that, not knowing that Sam was probably being tortured, and Dean had pretty much saved the world, no matter how the angels saw it. And they had tried to warn Adam, he just hadn’t listened. Besides, who knew, maybe even now Dean was searching for ways to get him and Sam out of the Cage. He tried to be angry at the angels, he was more successful. They had lied to him, tricked him and now he was stuck in Hell for it. When it came to Michael personally, it got more complicated. He was just as stuck as Adam was, his entire life had been turned just as upside down. Adam felt more apt to pity Michael, not that he would ever say it. </p><p>Michael visited from time to time, like he had said he would. He did not have any news. If Adam were to judge, Hell was wearing him down. And while Michael seemed steadfast in his belief that they would be rescued, as time passed Adam began to doubt. The more he thought about it, and Adam had a lot of time to think, more likely it seemed that Heaven had other problems to focus on. Their big plan had failed after all. Adam didn’t share his doubts with Michael, he did not want to spend precious human interaction (angel interaction?) fighting. No matter how much frustration he carried inside him he tried his best to keep it at bay. It was too important to have someone to talk to. Even if that someone was Michael. </p><p>Michael’s visits had been painfully awkward at first. They had just sat in silence. Clearly starting a conversation was beneath Michael and Adam didn’t really know what he should talk about with the Prince of Heaven, until he had remembered that he was sitting with a guy who had been around since the Beginning. Adam now had a once in a lifetime chance to get some answers on all the questions he had had about evolution, biology, and literally everything else. Adam didn’t really know why Michael tolerated his questioning, but perhaps he was as bored as Adam was, or maybe he saw this as part of upkeeping the human he had accidentally ended up with. Regardless, they never ran out of topics after that. </p><p>“Your father left?” Adam couldn’t help but ask after one of Michael’s stories. They usually stuck to lighter topics, but this mystery had been bugging Adam for a while.</p><p>“Yes… he just disappeared one day and left me and my brother in charge,” Michael said in a completely toneless voice that Adam had come to understand as concealing hurt. </p><p>“I am sorry,” Adam said. “I know that sucks.”</p><p>“I suppose you actually do,” Michael said. If Adam wasn’t mistaken there was some warmth in his voice. </p><p>“So wait,” Adam said after an uncharacteristically comfortable bout of silence. “How did the Apocalypse start then, if God didn’t start it?” </p><p>“We started it,” Michael said, and Adam felt like a rug had just been pulled from under his feet. </p><p>“You started it? Why?” Adam could barely get the words out as he tried to understand the implications of what Michael had just said. </p><p>Michael looked a bit confused. “We wanted to bring our Father back in order to bring Paradise onto Earth.”</p><p>“So- You- just-” Adam jumped up from the couch where they were sitting and tried to take deep breaths. All the anger and the frustration he had been feeling were about to burst. He didn’t know what to say, the cold ice of betrayal was feeding the flames of his anger. He had thought that the angels were acting on orders. He had thought Michael was just being a dutiful son, who just didn’t question his father. But no, Michael had been the one deciding to end the world. For no reason at all, billions would have died. </p><p>Adam was shaking. This could not be real; Michael had managed to emotionally manipulate him. Adam had been fooled by someone with the emotional intelligence of a rock. Adam had actually started to like Michael a little bit. That’s why it hurt so much now, to find out Michael has <em>chosen </em>this. </p><p>“You decided to end the world because you missed your dad?” Adam finally forced himself to be calm enough to speak.</p><p>“It was time for my Father to return, we were tired.” Michael’s indifferent tone made Adam even angrier. </p><p>“You were tired,” Adam repeated, his voice gaining a hysterical tint. </p><p>Michael was staring at him without blinking. ”It was just time, I would not expect you to understand.” He sounded so dismissive Adam wanted to actually punch him. </p><p>“So all this talk about Paradise was just empty fluff huh? You were just bored and missed your dad. That gives you no right to end the world!” Adam snarled. Michael didn’t even flinch at that and Adam, who had never fought anyone in his life, was about to attack Heaven’s greatest warrior. </p><p>“We had multiple goals, you would have benefited as well, the original reasoning does not matter,” Michael said his voice now carrying a hint of annoyance. “I will come back later, once you are done with your tantrum.” </p><p>Adam’s blood boiled. “How dare you, you multidimensional chicken, don’t even pretend this was about anything else than you missing your dad! As if the reasoning doesn't matter! You listen to me now, you flaming ball of arrogance, just because your daddy didn’t love you enough to stay-”</p><p>“DON’T” Michael started with a booming voice that shook Adam to his core. Michael halted and schooled his voice into a cold whisper, that somehow felt even more powerful. “Don’t you presume to know anything about my family.” He was still sitting on the couch looking at Adam, anger sparkling in his eyes. Adam’s vision was twisting a bit, Michael was starting to emanate light as the facade he was wearing crumbled.  </p><p>Adam fought off the instinctual fear making his knees weak. What he said next was not smart, but all the frustration he had been feeling had now reached a boiling point. “Some family you got there, Mikey. No one has come to pick you up, have they?! Your all-powerful Father is letting you rot in here! What a favorite you are! And you know, I don’t think anyone's even coming, not really, I guess you didn’t do a good enough job on convincing daddy to care! And oh your loyal brethren have all but forgotten you already, haven’t they? It took them, what, a couple of months?!” All the things that had been ruminating inside Adam were spilling out, twisted into their cruelest form.  </p><p>Adam was quite certain from the look in Michael’s face that he was about to die, painfully. There was something wild behind those eyes. Kate had always worried about Adam finally pissing off the wrong someone. That time had come it seemed. </p><p>The moment was broken as Michael snapped his eyes away from Adam, surprise flickering across his face and before Adam could even blink, Michael was gone. </p><p>Adam sat on the floor marveling at his continued existence. He had thought he’d be a goner for sure. Adam still felt incredibly angry, but Adam could also feel the bitter aftertaste of regret in his mouth. That had been stupid, considering Michael was his only companion possibly for the rest of eternity. But, while Adam did regret his words perhaps, he couldn’t bring himself to regret speaking his mind. Sure, he had been cruel, but Michael had started<em> the Apocalypse</em> and lied to Adam about it. </p><p>Michael had been just like Zacharia, except Adam should have known better this time. He had thought Michael had been past lying to him. And yet just like Zacharia, Michael had “avoided certain truths”. This hurt way more than Zacharia’s tricks because Adam thought that they had begun to form a connection of sorts. They weren’t friends, Adam didn’t think Michael had those, but they had started to become companions in their shared fate.</p><p>Now that was all done for. Even if Adam could ever find himself capable of forgiving Michael, he had quite effectively torched that bridge, and Michael didn’t seem like the forgiving type. A forever of loneliness awaited him, and that was if Michael did not kill him. Adam was pulled from this newfound wave of self-pity when the memoryscape went hazy around the edges again, and all too familiar warmth made Adam go stiff with fear. </p><p>This time Adam was ripped out of the memoryscape completely. It was sudden and terrible. He panicked, Adam had thought Michael wasn’t this petty, that he would have just been killed outright. Adam curled into himself, he didn’t want to see the Cage. <em>This is it, </em>he thought. Adam was going to finally, finally, die again. He was going to get tossed into Hell. The heat turned agonizingly scorching. Adam squirmed but there was no escape. </p><p>And then Adam felt a cold rush as the heat disappeared. Adam opened his eyes, he was laying on the kitchen floor inside the memoryscape once more. “What the hell?” Adam asked the empty air. He was shaking, panic coursing through his mind.</p><p>Adam flinched when Michael appeared. Was he just toying with Adam? Michael’s face was stony and blank, the anger seemed to have died out. Adam didn’t know if he should be more scared. </p><p>“Death came to retrieve Sam Winchester’s soul,” Michael said, his voice hollow. “I tried to offer him yours as well, while Lucifer was distracted, but he would not take it no matter how much I pushed. Said he was only going to rescue one, and Dean had made his choice. It appears your brethren have abandoned you as well.” </p><p>Michael disappeared instantly. Adam wanted to cry after him, but he could not make a sound. Adam curled onto the hard floor and laid there, unable to move. So much for being family, he supposed. </p><p>*</p><p>Michael was not coming back, and Adam was not expecting him. He did not know how long he just laid on the floor. Adam couldn’t make himself move. All his anger had been shocked out of his system and now there was nothing there. Adam couldn’t even make himself cry, even though Adam knew he should be extremely sad, he did not feel it. He didn’t feel anything. He had a black empty hole inside of him. Adam didn’t need to eat, or drink, or sleep, or do much of anything, he had chosen to formerly, just to keep himself sane, but now what was the point?</p><p>Was sanity something he wanted anyway? Would it be easier just to slip away and let go? Adam wondered all of this, as he stared at his kitchen floor. There were scratches where the chairs moved around the table, and the paint on the chairs was peeling off. Perhaps he could have painted those as one of his little projects. Adam could not see the fridge from where he was, but he had attached a little list on the fridge door with the magnet he had gotten from a class trip to the aquarium. </p><p>What had he even been thinking with that? What was the point, he was in his own freaking head. If he wanted he could probably just imagine the chairs back into good shape. Who was he trying to fool with this keeping busy shit, he could not keep busy forever and unless Michael decided to kill him out of mercy, it really did look like forever, a forever of loneliness now. Adam tried to remember an article he had once read about solitary confinement and how long it took for prisoners to lose their minds and what the long-term effects were. </p><p>Adam was filled with fear as he contemplated the idea of existing forever like this, in here. He had held out hope for Dean to save him, but as Michael told him, Dean had made his choice. It had not been Adam, of course it hadn’t been Adam. Adam remembered what Zacharia had said in his dream, that Sam and Dean would always choose to save each other. At least on that Zacharia had not lied. Adam felt like the stupidest person alive all over again. Except was he even technically alive anymore?</p><p>Adam didn’t know how much time passed like that. It didn’t matter all that much. It was so long that in the corner of his eyes, things started to move. Adam could hear whispers created by his own mind and yet he did not move. Adam closed his eyes, to not see the movements that were not there, he started to hum to drown out the sounds. He just stayed there and tried not to think about anything. But it was hard not to think, Adam’s head was filled with thoughts that refused to be quiet. He thought through all the events in his life that had led him here. He thought of his friends who were still alive and on Earth thanks to Sam and Dean. It had cost them Adam, but that was a small price to pay in the grand scheme things and apparently didn’t matter all that much to Dean at least.</p><p>Then Adam thought of all the people he had mattered to. He wondered if those friends who were now on Earth had missed him, mourned him when he had died or gone missing as far as they knew. They must have mourned. Adam wondered what Kristin had thought, if she had regretted breaking up with him. Adam was glad of the breakup, it would have been worse for her if their relationship had ended with his death. He hoped Kristin was happy and enjoying the world without knowing how close they had all been to losing it. But he also hoped she missed him. Adam’s thoughts kept running in circles thinking about everything that must be going on while he just laid there. All his friends must be moving on, continuing their lives. Adam selfishly hoped that they’d always have a small Adam shaped hole in there. </p><p>Eventually, Adam’s thoughts kept returning to his mom, though he did not want them to. It hurt especially when one of the whispers Adam was blocking out sounded just like her, or when Adam’s own hums took a very similar note. He missed her so much. His mom who, he hoped, was still safe in Heaven. Heaven wasn’t the Paradise Adam had once imagined, but it was the best he could wish for his mom. </p><p>She would never even know what had happened to him, and Adam was glad of it. She could live in the haze of memories none the wiser. Adam could not bear the idea of her knowing where he had ended up. It was better she was spared. It was better that she didn’t have to know that her son was slowly going insane. That he was in Hell, laying on their fake kitchen floor all alone. She would have been heartbroken. This was not the end she would have wanted for him, and Adam felt terrible for disappointing her. It ate Adam up inside. He didn’t want the last decision he made to be a disappointment to his mother. It was a stupid thing to worry about, but eventually, it gave Adam something nothing else did, the will to do something. </p><p>Adam got up. It felt weird to be upright, to use his legs and hands, but Adam had decided. He would make his mom proud, he would hold out as long as he could. He would live in this bargain bin version of Heaven. Adam went upstairs and put his stereos as high as they would go and filled the house with music, he hummed along louder than ever. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore, so he let himself drown in the music. Then Adam went back downstairs and made himself a sandwich. Even in here, Adam could still make a pretty mean sandwich. After he had eaten Adam took each of the kitchen chairs and tore them apart. As he did so Adam felt something return to the cold emptiness inside him, a spark. Anger, anger and grief. Adam left the pieces of the chairs where he had laid. </p><p>From there on out, Adam made his days even busier, if he didn’t stop, he couldn’t think. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but it was the best Adam had. After some testing, Adam figured that Michael had constructed at least his entire neighborhood. It was now completely empty, like Adam had asked, but that meant that Adam could move around at least a little. Adam didn’t want to risk it going out of his neighborhood, Michael might have made him the entire world, but Adam wasn’t sure Michael would save him if he overstepped so he kept to known limits. </p><p>But Adam started to go out more, started going on runs. He also started up keeping his neighbors’ houses. He did anything and everything, eventually he even fixed the kitchen chairs. He was always always listening to something, and if something moved that Adam could not recognize he closed his eyes for a beat and focused back on whatever task he had thrown himself into. And so life went. Adam did the best he could. </p><p>Adam tried to block out the silence, he hummed, he drummed, and he played music. It was important to keep making noise. It was important not to think about how he was the only source for it, though that thought always haunted the back of his mind. That is why the sudden crash he heard filled Adam with cold shock. </p><p>Adam rushed into the living room without a second thought. There on his couch was someone else. It looked more solid than the things he sometimes imagined flashing in the corner of his eye. Adam closed his eyes, took a beat, and looked again. Someone was still there. </p><p>“Michael?” Adam said his voice was weak with disbelief. He considered the possibility that he had finally cracked and slipped into full-blown hallucinations. But… surely Adam would have imagined someone else. And he wouldn’t have imagined Michael like this. Michael looked… strange. Adam had never seen him like this. He was worn out. Michael wasn’t sitting ramrod straight like he usually did. He slumping on the couch like a puppet with its strings cut. The untouchable smooth marble of Michael had cracked.</p><p>“Michael, what’s going on?” Adam asked, terrified. Had something attacked the Cage? Adam couldn’t imagine what could do this to Michael, who had always seemed to be so unmovable a force beyond anything. </p><p>“My brother has gone insane,” Michael stated. His voice sounded strained. Michael wasn’t looking at Adam; he was staring straight ahead with a distant look. </p><p>So, it was Lucifer. “I thought he was already insane,” Adam said more to himself than Michael, it had been a while since he had spoken to another person. </p><p>“My brother has gone more insane,” Michael corrected.</p><p>Adam hesitated for a moment before he sat down next to Michael. “Michael, I-” he started. It was hard to find words, their last talk had not been pleasant. </p><p>“I won’t be here long,” Michael said, turning to look at Adam. His face was blank, but his eyes were tired. “I just needed something to get a break,” he continued closing his eyes. “But I’ll be gone soon.”</p><p>Adam felt a small pang as he heard how worn Michael sounded, how coming here must have truly been a last resort. Their fight had been a big one, but that did not mean he wanted Michael to die before relying on him. Michael’s sudden appearance confused Adam. He still hadn’t forgiven Michael, not really. But his anger had cooled down. And it was hard to see someone as unflappable as Michael rattled like this. </p><p>“I am glad you’re back,” Adam said truthfully. “You can stay here if you want.” </p><p>Michael simply nodded as a silence fell. It reminded Adam of Michael’s first visits. </p><p>“You aren’t hurt, are you?” Adam asked after a moment. How would one perform first aid on a memory projection of an angel? </p><p>“Your body is as fine as it can be,” Michael assured him. “This form is just a projection.”</p><p>It wasn’t what he had meant but Adam was glad to hear it. He hadn’t really thought about the fact that his body was out there in the Cage. It was a strange idea. Adam had lived as a memory projection for so long now it only sometimes struck him, how he couldn’t hear his own heartbeat, how he didn’t really need to breathe. </p><p>Adam shook his head, now was not the time to wallow in those thoughts, he had plenty of time for that later. “Michael, I kind of need to know what’s going on out there. What is Lucifer doing?”</p><p>Michael sighed. “He is distressed. Neither one of us is handling this well. It has been a long time, and no one has come for either of us,” Michael’s voice was flat again, clearly wanting to prevent all emotional slips.</p><p>Adam knew it must have been a hard blow for Michael to be left behind. He felt a tinge of regret for basically screaming the fact into his face. “How long has it been, anyway?” Adam had lost track of time long ago. </p><p>“It’s hard to say, time flows differently in Hell, a lot faster,” Michael said tilting his head. </p><p>“What?” Adam felt a surge of panic. </p><p>“I tried to slow down your experience of time here, humans are not meant to live that long,” Michael said when he saw the fear in Adam’s face. </p><p>“Oh,” Adam said, calming a bit. “Thanks.” he was quiet for a beat. “So how long has it been for you?” </p><p>Michael shook his head. “I don’t know, a few centuries maybe? That in itself is not so long, but the Cage was never meant for more than Lucifer, so for me and him both it is… hard.”</p><p>Adam was floored. Michael had been sitting in the Cage with his insane brother for centuries? No wonder the guy looked rough. </p><p>“For what it is worth, kid,” Michael continued to Adam’s surprise. “I am sorry you got tangled up in all of this, it was never your fate.” Michael sounded more regretful, more human somehow than he ever had before. </p><p>Adam was searching for a response. It’s okay was not true, and neither was it’s not your fault, not completely. “Never been that big on fate, really.“ he hummed. And I accept your apology,” he ended up saying. It was the best he could do at the moment. </p><p>“And what I said…” Adam hesitated, he really should have thought on what to say to Michael in case he ever came back. “I'm sorry. I totally lost my cool and said some- let’s just say I could have handled it better,” Adam settled on. His words didn’t seem to have any effect as Michael didn’t even look at him.  </p><p>Adam took a deep breath to steel himself, there was a conversation they needed to have. “Michael, if we’re going to move past this, I want to understand. Why would you start the Apocalypse?” </p><p>Adam vowed not to get angry. He wanted to understand. He didn’t want another fight. Michael was all he had now. Just this small interaction had reminded Adam just how much he needed company, no matter if it was the stuck up Archangel kind. But he couldn’t move past it without some answers. </p><p>Michael turned to stare at Adam. Whatever he was searching for must have been there as Michael sighed and something in him seemed to give in. </p><p>“My Father left,” he started. “He just disappeared one day without a word, he didn’t even tell me.” Michael cut himself off before any emotion could overtake his words. “My Father was gone and no one knew what to do next, he didn’t leave us any instructions. We tried our best, Raphael and I, we searched for Him all over, but it was pointless. As time went on it all became so... “ Michael was clearly looking for a word, but could not find it.  </p><p>“I was never meant to Rule as He did,” Michael continued. “I was the Commander of Heaven, yes, but I was not the Ruler. And Raphael… it was hard for him. Raphael had been so devoted to our Father. He was the Healer, you know, the one meant to care for all Father’s creations. It was too much, all the suffering he had to watch. He changed, he became... different. The longer it all went on, the more we thought that Father must have left us something, there must have been a plan. He had left us his Will. Apocalypse had been written down by Him. It was His Will. So, we set out to make it a reality. It was His Word, so it had to be done. I never wante-” Michael cut himself off again. His eyes, which had been getting more and more distant as he had been rambling on, were sharp again. </p><p>“I never wanted to fight my brother,” Michael said in a strained whisper. “My little brother, the Morningstar, brightest of them all, my Father’s favorite, <em>my</em> favorite, but he had disobeyed our Father’s Will. So, I did as my Father ordered, what else was I supposed to do? Lucifer had Rebelled. My Father had trusted me with his Will. So, I did as my Father Willed, I always did as He Willed. We thought if we did as he Willed once again, maybe he would-” Michael spoke faster and faster. His voice remained a bit strained but otherwise emotionless. But Adam could hear the sorrow, the fear, under it anyway. </p><p>Adam was painfully reminded of the night John had left for the first time and he had curled into his bed trying not to listen to the small voice at the back of his head whispering, <em>Maybe if you had been better he would have stayed. </em></p><p>“-maybe He would have come back. If we just got that over with, done as he Willed, maybe He would have come back,” Michael’s voice faltered with the last words, there was raw burning emotion just beneath the surface. </p><p>What Adam did next wasn’t really a conscious decision. In retrospect, it was kind of stupid and perhaps a little dangerous. But he couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. So, acting as anyone would when seeing someone in distress, Adam yanked Michael, The Archangel, The Prince of Heaven, and pulled him into a hug. Michael was stiff with surprise, which was probably the only reason Adam had managed to move him in the first place. Without thinking, Adam pulled Michael into a tight hug, sinking against the back of the sofa as Michael remained completely still, his arms on his sides. </p><p>“It’s okay,” Adam said, even though he wasn’t sure it was. “It’s okay Michael, I forgive you,” he continued, to Adam’s own surprise he was telling the truth. He still didn’t like what Michael had done, but he understood now, and he forgave. </p><p>Adam wasn’t sure if Michael had been looking for his forgiveness, but he did seem to relax. Michael softened a bit, turning from a still statue into a living being. He shifted himself against Adam, tucking his head so his neck was more comfortable leaning against Adam’s shoulder. His movements were so delicate and hesitant Adam had to wonder when was the last time Michael had touched anyone gently, when was the last time he had gotten a hug, or the angel equivalent of it. Michael was a warrior that much was clear, but Adam hoped violence was not the only language he had been allowed to express himself in. It made Adam angry, Michael was a bit of an ass, yes, but no one deserved that. Michael could be kind, in his way, the way he had protected Adam and listened to his wishes was proof of that. Adam would just have to be kind in return now, they only had each other to speak to now and Adam did not speak violence. </p><p>“We’re in this together now, Michael, so you can’t go insane on me. You’re all I’ve got, and I hate to tell you but I’m all you’ve got too, so let’s stick together from now on, okay?” Adam said after a moment. It needed to be said. </p><p>“Okay,” said Michael, his voice sounding softer than Adam had ever heard it before.  </p><p>For the first time in a long time, Adam was actually comfortable in the silence that followed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We are getting somewhere! I hope that didn't feel too fast ^^" I'd love to know what you guys thought about it!!<br/>Once again a huge thank you to all the people who left kudos or commented on the last chapter, it got me through editing this one :)</p><p>If someone wants to get the first heads up on when I update, I also post about it on <a href="https://tuometarr.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> and I can even tag people if someone is that interested let me know ^^".</p><p>Next chapter should be up on Wednesday for real this time! But if I am once again required to postpone, my late posting date will be Friday.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I actually managed to do this one on time :D </p><p>So I have a couple of things again:</p><p>1. Now we get into the territory of me not knowing what is even going on in canon, again, I'm sorry if this isn't accurate.</p><p>2. I finally found the fic where I encountered Enochian soulmarks for the first time and I can now give it the credit it deserves. I was searching for it under the wrong name this whole time. ^^"</p><p>3. As always, thank you, my dear friends, Anna and  <a href="https://almostwritingdragon.tumblr.com">@almostwritingdragon</a>, I could not do this without you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things shifted between Adam and Michael after Michael’s return. Adam was not sure what he had expected. Maybe that Michael would start dropping by again, and they would talk like they used to. Adam would get some company and Michael would get a small break from whatever was going on beyond the memoryscape. </p><p>But Michael seemed to take their new agreement to stick together a lot more seriously than that. He came by way more often than he ever had before, and he stayed longer too. According to Michael, there was no need to worry about Lucifer’s reaction, because his brother believed Michael had finally lost it. That was not very comforting to hear, but if it meant that Michael could stay, Adam would take it. </p><p>The length of Michael’s visits was not the only thing that changed. Before The Fight, as Adam called it in his head, their talks had mostly consisted of him picking weird questions he wanted answers to and letting Michael fill the silence with long, overly detailed, and dry explanations. Now, their conversations had changed.  Adam could not call it a conscious decision, but their conversations started to be, well, conversations, where he was an actual participant. It was no longer just Michael talking at him, it was Michael talking with him. </p><p>Michael was by all accounts a bit peculiar as far as company went. He hadn’t fully grasped many social graces needed to hold up conversations yet. It didn’t really surprise Adam when he thought about it. Even in Heaven, Michael had always held a position of leadership. From the way Michael talked, it was painfully clear that it had been a long long time since he had just talked to someone: He was clearly more used to orders and strategizing than engaging in Adam’s attempts at friendly debates on who was the best Star Wars character or what was an acceptable amount of Oreos to eat in one day. It made Adam kind of sad for him. It was hard to believe someone who had been alive since the beginning was that unused to just… talking. </p><p>Perhaps that was why Michael seemed to be perfectly willing to listen to Adam's stories as well. It was a bit ludicrous, to swap stories like how once at a sleepover Adam had ended up puking all over Dustin's bathroom floor, for stories about the creation of the world, but Adam told them anyways. It hurt sometimes, to talk about all those things and people who he would most likely never see again, but somehow it made things also easier, it both burned and cooled the ache inside him. It was hard to talk because of the lump in his throat but Adam could not stop himself either.</p><p>He didn’t really know what Michael got from his endless ramblings. But there was no doubt he was listening, fixing Adam with his unblinking gaze. It was bizarre to be looked at like that. Michael was not a very expressive listener but Adam learned to read between the lines of his mouth and the smallest quirk of his brows. Adam still wasn’t used to seeing his own face with unfamiliar expressions, but in time, it actually became easier to make the difference between the face and Michael, who was merely wearing it.</p><p>The fact that Michael wasn’t actually a human also showed in his body language or the lack of it. If Michael didn’t pay attention to it, he was as still as a statue. In time, it became a game for Adam to get Michael to focus on something so much that he dropped the poorly kept human facade completely. Some stories did it, but the easiest way to get Michael to forget everything else was to give him a task or a challenge. Adam was running through every single card game he had ever learned just to see Michael completely throw himself into it.</p><p>When they got to poker, Adam wished very much he could see Michael’s wings. The little Michael had talked about angelic communication made him understand that wings were not only used for flying; they also played a part in relaying emotions. Michael didn’t talk of angelic culture much, but it was always fascinating. For the first time in his life, Adam was truly interested in the nuances of a language, though he always held back on asking about Enochian. </p><p>Adam felt something hot creeping up his neck, and he had to stop himself from touching his wrist every time Michael mentioned something about his native language. Adam had not forgotten the language of his soulmark or what it meant. He did wonder sometimes... but he never really let his thoughts run far with that. It didn’t really change anything, did it? Even if Michael was his... well, that didn’t change the fact that Michael didn’t have a soulmate at all. It would only confuse Michael if he brought it up.</p><p>Mentions of Enochian also reminded Adam of Dean and his statement that angels did not feel, could not feel, like humans did. Adam was coming to the conclusion that Dean was wrong. Michael did care. He had to. It would be hard for anyone to argue otherwise if they had seen Michael listening to his fifth tangent on the James Bond movies or his passionate rant on the correct order to put the fillings on a sandwich. Or heard Michael talking about things in such fragile tones Adam felt just breathing wrong would break the moment. </p><p>It was still unbelievable to hear Michael talk about his everyday life. What it had been like in the beginning when it had been just him, his brothers, and their Father. What the Archangel Gabriel had been as a small fledgling. How he had watched his Father Create. How he had seen the first rays of the sun and the first flowers bloom. How it had felt to look at the Earth for the first time through the eyes of a vessel. It was clearly hard for Michael to tell those stories, but maybe he too felt the same compulsion as Adam did, to speak not only despite of the hurt but also because of it. Michael had a lot of stories inside him. He had lived long and been all over the <em>Galaxy.</em> Michael talked more about people than places, but there had been a few of the latter that he did also consider significant. </p><p>“The Cabin you put me in, where was that anyway?” Adam asked one day, trying to remember the night sky full of stars.</p><p>“Oh that, I think you call those mountains The Alps these days. I built that place for if I ever personally needed to hide something,” Michael said offhandedly. </p><p>Adam kindly chose to ignore the fact that Michael had built a place to hide humans in. “I was in Europe?” he asks instead. “I was in-” Adam tries his best to remember his geography lessons. “In Italy?” It is a funny thought. Adam had never been outside of the States, he had barely ever even left Windom before he went to college.</p><p>“I believe it is actually on the German side of the Alps as far as current national borders go. I have, uh, liked the spot for a long time,” Michael stumbled like he often did when stating an opinion. It was a detail Adam had picked up upon and it made something tight curl in his chest. “When I first chose it, I put down enough protections that no human has come near that spot in centuries, and I believe my grace left a mark on the spot as well.” Michael went on. </p><p>“It was stunning,” Adam said, sighing at the faded walls of his house. It wasn’t that he did not love every inch of his house, but he had been inside it for so long he was also painfully familiar with every inch of his home. </p><p>“I could take us there, or rather the memory of it, if you want,” Michael offered. </p><p>Adam frowned. He tried to recall the long unreal night he had spent in the cabin, but as hard as he could, he could not remember the exact shades of the sunset. What had stayed with him were the glorious mountains and the sky filled with stars. “I don’t think I remember it well enough to do it justice,” he said with regret, Adam would have loved to see it again. “But maybe somewhere else, though, I’d like to get out if possible.” </p><p>Adam grew more excited. It had not occurred to him that Michael could probably take them to other places, Adam could get out of his neighborhood. </p><p>“Of course, we can go somewhere else too, but if you want to see the mountains again, we can also use my memories,” Michael said with a shrug, the gesture was sharp and quick, kind of defeating its purpose.</p><p>Adam stared at him. “You’re telling me that, that, we could use your memories? I could be literally anywhere in the world, not just places I know? And I have been stuck in my house this entire time?”</p><p>“I didn’t realize you considered yourself stuck here.” Michael sounded somewhat displeased. “And not anywhere really, we better stick to the places I have been with a vessel, I do not think my memories in my true form would be safe for you.”</p><p>Adam reached and hit Michael with a couch pillow. His irritation somewhat dwindled watching Michael’s bewildered expression at Adam’s weapon of choice. “You should have said so earlier,” he said, jumping to his feet. “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p>Michael stood as well. “Alright, kid, where do you want to go?” </p><p>“The cabin?” Adam suggested. It felt like a good choice, something they both could enjoy. </p><p>“Very well.” Michael seemed pleased.  “Wait a moment and get ready,” he continued and disappeared. That had not been helpful advice, Adam was not sure what to prepare for when his world suddenly went sideways.</p><p>*</p><p>It was overwhelming at first to see the difference between his and Michael’s memories. Adam felt as if he had suddenly switched from the grainy footage of a security camera to the most high-resolution TV available. He'd never noticed the hazy quality of his memories before they were compared with the perfect recollection of an angel. </p><p>Adam blinked, trying to get his eyes to focus. It was a hard adjustment, but after a moment, he could once again look down to the calm blue of the lake glimmering in the sunlight. It was no less breathtaking this time. Adam marveled at every small detail around him. The fact that he could see small insects climbing up a tree trunk to his left, he could feel the faintest of breezes caressing his hair. Adam had not realized before how hollow his memories were, how lacking in detail. </p><p>All things considered, Adam’s house was probably more detailed than his Heaven memories had ever been, given the amount of time he had used to recall small details. The memories were clearly meant to capture the feeling and the experience of the memory, not the actual situation.  But right now, Adam stood in an accurate reconstruction of the small cabin porch and felt as if he had been looking at the world through a dirty window. This was how Michael experienced the world, every little detail of it. In his observation, the wooden door of the cabin and the butterfly flying by were equally important. The feel of the sun’s rays warming him was registered as precisely as the color of the summer leaves.</p><p>In alarm, Adam felt his eyes watering, as he looked around, there was so much everywhere. He squeezed his eyes shut and took another deep breath of the clear forest air.</p><p>“Adam?” Michael’s voice came from beside him, there was a tinge of worry in it. </p><p>Adam shook his head, still keeping his eyes closed. “My memories must look like shit to you,” he muttered. </p><p>Michael let out an understanding little breath. “Well, they are certainly a very… human way to view the world,”  Michael admitted. Adam could hear the small smile in his voice. </p><p>“That’s not even really what my house is like, is it?” Adam said with bitterness. He was living in a weird echo of the real world. He could see it now more clearly than ever before.</p><p>“I imagine it is not, but it is how you see it. I chose to put you there originally precisely because of the memories from your house, they carried a certain feeling of… home.  It was the best I could give you given the circumstances.” Michael hesitated for a moment. “It was also partly why I returned,” he continued. “The Cage was created to be extremely hostile on purpose. So it was quite refreshing every time I came to you, your memories were filled with this sense of home. It even felt like home to me because it is your memory.” There was a beat.  “I could just surround myself in that feeling, and for the most fleeting of moments, I could feel at Home.”</p><p>Adam had cracked his eyes open and turned to stare at Michael as he spoke. Raw emotion was shining through in his voice again. It always caught him off guard when Michael let his walls come down, he was glad of it every time, but also surprised. It was good to have reminders that no matter the stone exterior, Michael had to feel, maybe not exactly as Adam did, but he did feel.  Adam was also reminded once again, how much Michael had cared even in the beginning, he hadn’t cared about Adam, not really, but he had cared about his word, his promise.  Michael was trying his best to be dutiful, to be good even when there was nothing to be gained from putting in all that effort. </p><p>Something warm burned in Adam’s chest as he thought about it. He had a sudden urge to hug Michael again. Kate had been a tactile person, and Adam took after her, but he also had an inkling that Michael would not take it well.  He had accepted their first hug under special circumstances and had probably been quite surprised by it. So now Adam kept to himself. </p><p>“I am happy you came back, Michael," he said instead and was startled by the softness of his own voice. Michael turned his eyes from the lake to Adam, the intensity in his eyes <em>burned</em> like it always did. Adam had to look away. He turned his eyes to the blue sky above them. “And this place is beautiful." Adam sat down on the porch as he had done that night, looking at everywhere but Michael.</p><p>“I uh-” Michael said when he had taken a seat next to Adam. There it was again, Adam marked, his unwillingness to voice opinions that had no right answer, that were a matter of taste. Adam waited him out. “I like this place,” Michael continued. “I found it a long time ago, while I was in a vessel. This place it was, it was, well, so untouched, carved just as my Father intended.” Michael stopped his eyes, scanning the mountaintops. “And so I just-” Michael took a deep breath. “decided that I would have it.” Michael’s tone reminded Adam both of whispered secrets shared in a kid’s sleepover and of desperate pleas of someone confessing to murder. It was comically tragic in a heart-shattering way that someone as decisive and powerful as Michael, the commander of Heaven, could barely admit to having a preference for a single place.  </p><p>“It is a good choice,” Adam said, weighing his words. “You have good taste,” he continued, pointedly avoiding Michael’s face.</p><p>“It wasn’t exactly like this, back when I first came here,” Michael continued after a moment. “As I said, I have influenced the place. Grace, in its base nature, is creation, and so it has perhaps made this place flourish even more.” His voice was light in a way that made Adam smile. </p><p>“I, well,” Michael’s voice returned to that low tone that marked his admissions of actual individuality. “I like what my grace has done here. I am proud to serve my Father, but I am his Warrior, so it is not often I get to be… part of Creation instead of Destruction.” Michael fell silent. Adam didn’t dare to breathe. </p><p>“Not that I would have it any other way,” Michael continued quickly. Adam let out a huff, Michael was retreating once again. But still, in that moment of genuine feeling, Adam had understood what this place meant for Michael.</p><p>“And of course, I added the Cabin when I decided the place needed a use,” Michael added finally as if he needed to reason his decisions to himself and Adam. </p><p>“Thanks for bringing me here, then and now,” Adam said, the words were insufficient, but he decided to let the subject drop.</p><p>“Had I known you wanted out, we could have done this sooner,” Michael said. “You should tell me these things, kid. I can’t help you if I don’t know.” Michael’s voice was stern. “For the most part, my Father’s wishes had always been clear, yours are less so,” he continued with a frown. </p><p>Adam’s insides did a weird little jig. He didn’t know what to make of Michael comparing him to <em>God. </em>“Why do you care so much about what I want?” he asked. Adam had been wondering for a while now. “Not that I am not super happy that you do, it’s great, but why does it matter to you?” Adam plucked a weed that was growing between the boards of the porch and rolled it in his hands, ignoring Michael’s gaze burning the side of his face. </p><p>“It’s like you said, we’re in this together, you can’t go crazy on me either,” Michael said. “And I want to make this easier for you if I can.”</p><p>“But right from the start-” Adam frowned. “Right from the start, when I wanted to remember, you just- just let me decide.”</p><p>“As I said, I wanted to make this as easy for you as possible. And- and it was my fau- you’re my responsibility now, kid, and I need to protect you.” Michael’s tone was heavy and dangerous.  “It is all I can do,” he continued, his voice falling utterly blank as it did when Michael was strengthening his walls. “I failed and got us here, so the least I can do is this. For you, and for my Father as well, He always told us that it was our duty to serve humans, and now, well, you’re all I have.” </p><p>Anger sparked in Adam’s gut. Michael was still, <em>still</em>, doing this for God? He had clearly been abandoned here, and he was still doing his duty. Adam clenched his fist. Michael did not deserve that.</p><p>“And it is more than that-” Michael pulled Adam from his fuming thoughts. “-You surprised me back then. When you wanted to remember. I thought-I thought I knew what was best for you, but then you said you hadn’t even been that happy in Heaven… It was unsettling.  I thought I knew what humans were about in the end, but you’re proving otherwise. I thought it was only Dean and Sam who were so intent on choosing things, but maybe I don’t know- ” Michael fell silent. “Humans are more complicated than I thought. And I want to understand if I can. Our talks always give me a lot to think about. I have never considered it to be so important to <em>care</em> about so many things. We care, of course, but it is not often that I have met with a passion for the little things like yours.” </p><p>Adam smiled a little as he squished the little weed between his fingers. “I don’t know if I have been happier remembering if I’m being honest, but it felt right, to remember.” He tried not to think about that spot on the kitchen floor. </p><p>“And that’s another thing, I assumed humans would choose the easy way out whenever possible,” Michael said with a huff. “I guess you and your brothers are proving me wrong there.”</p><p>“They aren’t my brothers,” Adam said coldly. The elephant of their non-existing rescuers was still in the room. “Sam has technically been saved twice now, right? And that was a while ago, right? They are not coming for me.”  Adam spat out the bitter words before they could burn his tongue. He pulled up his knees, wrapping his arms around them, looking steadily at the glittering lake. It felt kind of wrong to spoil this amazing place with anger.</p><p>Michael let out a hum. “No one has come from Heaven at all, no one has even tried,” he said his voice blank as it was when he tried his best to hold back. “Something must have happened to Raphael,” Michael continued, the tiniest of cracks betraying him at his brother’s name. “I don’t really know about the rest but- but Raphael would have come for me if he could, I- he must have come if he could, I would have done it for him.” Michael seemed deep in thought. “But of course,” he continued. “He’s the one in charge now, and Duty comes first.” </p><p>Adam turned to look at Michael. He had copied Adam’s position, curling into himself. Just at that moment, Michael looked achingly like a human. His tight mouth reminded Adam of the look he had seen in the mirror a thousand times when he was <em>just fine</em> with putting himself to bed, <em>just fine</em>, when his mom couldn’t make it to the school science fair. This time Adam could not stop himself. </p><p>He reached out and settled his hand on the back of Michael’s on the porch. Michael jerked just a bit at the contact but did not pull away. Adam just wanted to give him something to hold on to, to hold on for, in that moment. They would not abandon each other, they were friends, no matter <em>how</em> Michael cared, they had to be friends. It was terrifying to think how much Adam had come to depend on Michael. But in that moment, when Michael slowly turned his palm around and squeezed Adam’s hand, it was alright.</p><p>*</p><p>Adam chose to return to his house after all, though the now clearly hazy memories were hard to get used to. It was where all his things were and it was his home in the memoryscape. It had been reinvigorating to go out though. For a long time after their trip, Adam felt more energized and chipper. The trip had broken him out of a lull. They went to other places too. Adam had to take breaks sometimes just to take it all in sometimes. He had spent a long time stuck in his house, and now there was a whole new world of experiences.</p><p> They went to the aquarium Adam had been to, where Michael effortlessly named all the fish, acting bored but sounding proud.  Adam also showed Michael his college. He had thought about going back to other places in Windom, but the idea of seeing those places without the people in them didn’t sit right with him. So they stuck to Adam’s out of town memories and Michael’s. Places in Michael’s memories were all as spectacular as the cabin, as detailed and alive. It was fascinating to see bits of long gone places. Michael's memories could take them millenniums back in time. Michael took them to Egypt, where Adam saw how the Pyramids had looked thousands of years ago. They stood there in the moonlight, stars stretching above them.</p><p>“It’s too bad I have never been to the moon in a vessel, it is quite the view.” It was Michael who broke the silence. </p><p>Adam looked at the pyramids again rising high above them, shining new and smooth and white in the moonlight, unlike the pictures Adam had seen, it all felt surreal. Adam could not imagine how he would have felt on the moon. Adam shook his head. His life had taken some weird turns. </p><p>“I wish-” Michael started, and then suddenly he seized Adam’s arm in a steely grip. “Kid, watch ou-” </p><p>Michael was cut off when Adam was suddenly plunged into darkness, feeling as if he had been dropped into the sun as the heat seared him. And then it switched to a cold as if a thousand ice daggers were piercing his lungs.  Adam started to scream, and he was disconcerted to hear the sound that followed. He had actually opened his mouth and screamed, with his actual real mouth. Adam’s throat felt dry like it had been a long time since he had made any sounds. Just like that, Adam became aware that he was in his <em>body</em> not in a memory approximation of it. He was in his own body crouching on the Cage floor with stiff limbs, cold air prickling down his throat. </p><p>Adam opened his eyes, and everything in him wished he hadn’t. His eyes did not want to focus on the creature in front of him. Everything was blurry, Adam was filled with a sense of bone-chilling <em>wrongness</em>. To his horror, Adam realized he was probably staring at Lucifer - at the <em>Devil</em>. Adam didn’t even want to breathe near the creature, it was just <em>wrong wrong wrong. </em>He was shaking. Adam could see himself shaking when he looked down at his hands but his entire body felt stiff with fear. The creature let out a sound that rang in his ears. It sounded, surprised, maybe? Happy? That was a terrifying thought. </p><p>Where was Michael? Adam thought hysterically. Had he just left? No, he wanted to scream again, but could not find the air to do so. Michael would not leave him here. Where was he? <em>Michael,</em> he called in his mind. <em>Michael, Michael, Michael</em>, Adam called out with every fiber of his being. The creature let out another screech, could it hear him? </p><p>Adam let out a breath of air that came out chillingly white. Michael burned hot, he should not be cold. The creature in front of him was radiating a cold that prickled Adam’s skin. Adam tried to draw in some air. Delirious with panic, Adam was struck with a memory, it was of his mom, she was running out the door with her breakfast only half-eaten, her hair a mess, she was running late for a shift and humming a song from one of those 80’s musicals she liked to listen to when she was really stressed. It was a weird image to get when trying to process watching the real face of the Devil, but it did help to focus Adam. He tried just to get himself to breathe. He started to hum under his breath like his mom had always done. <em>Michael,</em> he called out again. </p><p>Adam was forcefully yanked back into the darkness.</p><p>*</p><p>Adam came to on his living room couch, shaking. It was good he technically didn’t need to breathe in the memoryscape cause Adam was not sure he could force his lungs to take in air. It was good that he didn’t technically even have a stomach because he would have puked. Adam tried to stop shaking, but his limbs didn’t even feel real. </p><p>That had been- That had been- Adam’s mind refused to think about what had just happened. He tried to focus his thoughts on Michael, was he alright?</p><p>As if summoned, Michael appeared next to where Adam was lying. He looked even more rattled than he had on the day of his first reappearance. But this time, he did not look as tired or frayed. He was stiff and staring at Adam with such intensity Adam felt that he should turn to dust under that gaze.</p><p>“Are you alright?” his voice made Adam shiver, it was thunderous, rolling with power. </p><p>Adam forced his mouth to open but no sound came out. He closed it again, staring at Michael, who was now hovering closer. Without Adam’s command, his hand reached towards Michael. Adam wanted to make sure that he was real. He needed to know that Michael was there and he wasn’t just hallucinating a moment before he died. </p><p>Something in Michael’s tight expression softened just a fraction as he watched Adam’s outstretched hand. He grasped it, and Adam felt warmth flood his body, he let out a choked breath. Michael pulled him closer, Adam felt heavy, unable to control any of his limbs, Michael pulled him more upright and settled Adam against his chest, tucking Adam’s face to the crook of his neck. One hand steadying Adam’s head, one wrapped around his waist. He seemed to be mirroring the way Adam had hugged him. They were close now, as close as they had been on the night Michael reappeared. Adam tried to breathe in, nose pressed against Michael’s warm skin. His shaking seemed to steady little by little, Adam closed his eyes and focused on breathing in the burning heat of Michael. </p><p>“It’s alright, kid,” Michael said his voice tickling Adam’s hair.</p><p>Adam felt the tight knot coiled in his gut uncurl. He moved his heavy arms and slipped them around Michael, pulling him even closer. By degrees, Adam began to feel more and more like himself again. He felt like he probably should move but he did not want to. </p><p>“What happened?” Adam whispered, his lips moving against Michael’s skin. </p><p>“Lucifer he- he caught me by surprise, I am sorry, kid. You should have never seen that,” Michael sounded steely and tight. </p><p>Adam shivered at the reminder of the creature, and the arm around his waist tightened. “Are you alright?” Adam asked. They must have had some kind of a fight. </p><p>“I’m fine, kid, it’s you I’m worried about,” Michael said, his voice dipping softer, and Adam shivered again. </p><p>Adam remembered Michael warning him on how things would be harder if Lucifer knew about him, well he certainly did now. </p><p>“What should we do?” Adam asked. </p><p>“I will protect you,”  Michael said, his voice once again gaining a sharp edge. </p><p>“Can you?” Adam whispered, it was hard to force the words out of his mouth, but he needed an answer. So far, even if Adam had known he was in a memory, he hadn’t actually seen the Cage and what was really going on, who they were in the Cage with. </p><p>“Yes, kid. I swear, this will not happen again. I was just distracted. I had foolishly thought my brother was done. Of course, he was not, he will never be. I will do better in the future.” Michael’s grip tightened on Adam’s neck. “He will not touch you.” Michael’s tone burned Adam like fire. It filled him with warmth.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do to help?” Adam had to ask, he hated the idea of just waiting for the worst. </p><p>“No,” Michael said quietly. There was a strange muffledness in his tone that Adam had not heard before. He did not entirely trust it. But Adam was too tired to argue at the moment.</p><p> Adam forced himself to pull back from Michael’s chest to see the look he was wearing. Adam was more convinced than he ever had been before that Dean was wrong as he saw the somehow both soft and intense way Michael met his eyes. Michael did care. And despite everything else, Adam felt glad as he slumped back down. </p><p>*</p><p>Michael changed after that incident, he was more alert than previously. Adam could see now that he had been letting his guard down before. Now Michael was never at ease, his gaze sharp, shoulders tense.  Michael also seemed to be a bit more wary of taking Adam into his memories just in case Lucifer chose to try something again. Adam mourned all these losses. The loss of new scenery hit hard of course, but the change in Michael hit even harder, harder than Adam had expected it would. Adam had not realized how much he had grown to cherish the fact that he was also Michael’s safe space here in Hell. That no matter what was going on Adam could help Michael relax just a tiny bit. Help him feel a bit better, a bit more comfortable. Now Michael never looked comfortable. Adam was just one more burden now, and he could not do anything about it. He hated it.</p><p>Adam tried to find out ways to help, but no matter how much he thought about it nothing came to mind. He had a lot more time to think by himself as Michael had started to return to the Cage more often again.  Adam came to realize that he hadn’t been alone for a long time. It was pitiful how much he hated it, how much he had grown used to his constant companion, how terrible it felt every time Michael disappeared and how much his heart soared every time he reappeared. Adam felt miserable living like this. </p><p>Adam had to get reused to being alone, well at least somewhat used to. He still played music louder than was strictly necessary and got back to keeping himself busy. This time was somehow even harder, cause now he knew that life in the Cage could be not great, but it could at least be better. He had been happy, getting to know Michael, having someone there. Now he knew what it was like to have someone to miss. Adam didn’t like how much it reminded him of his mom, of just waiting in bed way past his bedtime, just to hear the sounds of her coming in.</p><p>Adam tried to spend his time doing things, keeping his mind off… everything. He could no longer sleep or whatever pseudo sleep his memory form had been doing. It was no longer possible. He felt tense all the time and the memory of Lucifer haunted the quiet moments. So Adam simply was, with no relenting peace. It was wearing him down. He could feel it, he could even see it in the creases forming on Michael’s forehead as he looked at Adam. Not that Michael himself was much better off.</p><p>Adam tried to keep himself as sane as possible for Michael, he tried to be a safe haven to the best of his abilities. He’d asked Michael again if there was anything he could do, but his question had been sidestepped with little grace. Adam knew he’d eventually have to push harder, but he thought he’d give Michael a chance to come to him on his own, he did not want to make an argument out of it if he could avoid it.  </p><p>These were the circles his thoughts kept running around as he took on more projects to have something to do in his solitude. Adam had been just sorting through some of their old books, looking for the Beginner’s German book his mom had bought at some point, when the memoryscape started to go hazy around him. </p><p>Adam was plunged into darkness and terror shot through him like lightning. The thought of seeing Lucifer again was horrible, but the idea that Lucifer had somehow overpowered Michael was even more so. Because now Michael hadn’t been caught off guard, he hadn’t even been in the memoryscape, now Lucifer had just <em>won.</em> Adam tried to push his terror back, to prepare to look at that creature once again, no matter how much his mind revolted against the thought.</p><p>But nothing happened. Adam did not feel his physical body. He did not have eyelids to open; there was just darkness. He was still safe. Michael was still keeping him safe. What was happening? Adam’s terror at the thought of Lucifer calmed, but now his worry for Michael grew.</p><p>Then Adam was suddenly enveloped by a searing white light that wrapped around him blazing hot and prickling like electricity. Heat shot through him, and his terror calmed. It was Michael. Michael was okay. Adam had barely time to register that thought before he was blinking in his own room. They were back in the memoryscape.</p><p>Michael was standing next to where Adam was sprawled on the floor. Adam’s insides went cold. Michael’s face was stony and blank, he was staring ahead without seeing anything. Adam had not really noticed how human Michael had begun to look over time, how he had started to breathe, to shift, to blink, to be in the projection of a body, but he noticed it now as he was looking at a still statue, at an angel.</p><p>“Michael, what happened? Are you alright? Did he hurt you?” Adam scrambled up and stood right in front of Michael, but Michael still did not seem to register his presence.</p><p>“Michael,” Adam tried again, his voice softer. He started to reach out, but he stopped himself, his hand inches away from Michael’s shoulder.</p><p>Michael blinked once. His eyes gained focus.</p><p>“My apologies, my control slipped for a moment.” The words were stiffed, dropping one at a time like whittling down a wooden block.</p><p>Adam opened his mouth, but he had no idea what to say, a million questions burst inside him, but Michael’s face silenced all of them. Something was very, very wrong. </p><p>“The primordial Darkness we once helped Father beat has been released. I felt it, Lucifer felt it,” the chips continued to fall. “The Cage has been weakened. I can feel it. I can feel- my brother-“ Michael stopped abruptly. Adam felt a cold sense of dread spreading in his chest. “Raph-“ Michael stopped again, unable to finish the name. “he’s dead.”</p><p>Adam felt something crumble inside him as he looked at Michael. His face was blank and emotionless, but behind the eyes Adam could see the storm that was raging.</p><p>Adam didn’t hesitate this time. He pulled Michael in once again. At the contact, Michael seemed to melt, from a statue into a marionette without strings Adam had pulled with his whole weight, which sent them tumbling back a couple of steps onto Adam’s bed as Michael slumped into him. It was an awkward angle, Adam was now half laying across his bed, his feet dangling off the side with Michael’s face pressing onto his shoulder.</p><p>Adam wrapped his arms around Michael and swallowed his own panic as he made frantic shushing noises.  It was pointless, Michael wasn’t even crying, Adam wasn’t sure Michael even knew how to do that. But in this situation, it didn’t matter what Adam did, he knew as much. He’d never lost a brother, so he could not understand that, but he had lost his only family member, and from what Adam had gathered, Raphael had been the only one left. </p><p>Adam remembered, even when he tried not to, how the ghoul had described eating his mother while wearing her face. Adam remembered watching his mother’s face twist in glee as she described how her flesh had tasted. Adam remembered the burning hot grief that had overtaken his lungs, his heart, his whole body, until it was impossible to even be. In that moment, he had been glad to be dying, he had felt that there was no longer anything the ghouls could do to him that would hurt as much.</p><p>So Adam knew now as he laid there under Michael, that this was grief nothing he said or did could take away. There was nothing he could do that would lift that weight of him, that would make it hurt less. But that did not mean he was going to do nothing. He could not make it better, but he could help. </p><p>So Adam held Michael tighter and tried to find the right words. <em>It’s okay¸</em> was not true, maybe it was never going to be true again. He could not promise Michael that it would get easier either, because he wasn’t sure that was true. Michael was not a creature built to lose things, to move on. He might never recover. All the words spinning in Adam’s head felt useless, too small, too empty, like trying to put a bandaid on a broken bone.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said finally, it felt hollow no matter how much Adam meant it. “I’m here,” that was the selfish thing to say, but Adam said it anyway. Michael wasn’t alone, not completely.</p><p>Michael did not respond or in any way indicate that he had heard Adam. So they just laid there, unmoving. Adam stared at the mark on his ceiling, where he’d once managed to throw paint at as a child and wondered what he should do. Adam did speak, saying the same useless words. It physically pained him to see Michael like this. He’d give anything to fix it. But Adam didn’t have powers like that. Who was he to even comfort Michael?</p><p>“I’m h-“ Adam choked on his words. <em>I’m here</em>, what was that to the loss of a brother who had been there since the beginning of everything?</p><p>But then Michael stirred, going tense against Adam. Michael lifted himself to his elbows, looking down at Adam, his eyes <em>burning.</em></p><p>“You are here,” he said, his voice was barely a whisper but as close as they were Adam heard him. “You’re here,” Michael repeated, looking at Adam but also somewhere past him, Adam felt strangely bare under that gaze.</p><p>“I will keep you safe,” Michael continued, his face shifting through expressions that were too quick for Adam to make sense of.</p><p>“You’re all I have now.” Michael’s voice rose into a declaration. Adam’s insides twisted as he saw Michael’s face. He was not made to be looked at like that, with such devotion with such intensity. Adam did not want Michael to look at him like that. It was too much. It was too… different. The look Michael was wearing was not something Adam could understand. </p><p>The moment broke as Michael sank back down, wrapping his arms against Adam’s neck. All words withered inside Adam. Michael was shifting until he was covering Adam’s entire body with his own.</p><p>“I’ll keep you safe,” Michael repeated, his voice muffled. Around him Adam could feel the memoryscape shifting as Michael seemingly covered Adam tighter.</p><p><em>And I’ll get you through this,</em> Adam thought.</p><p>*</p><p>No matter how much Adam tried, Michael grew even more tense and closed off as time went on. He stayed less, wanting to keep an eye on his brother. Michael seemed to be focusing all his effort in making sure Adam was safe. It was for his own good, Adam knew that, but he still hated it. He hated that Michael was hurting himself for his sake. Michael was pushing himself to the limit, and it showed, and no matter what Adam tried, he would not stop. Michael knew what loss was now and it terrified him. </p><p>Michael did not want to talk about Raphael and Adam was sure he was doing his best not to think about him either. Adam was not sure how he could help. His own grieving process hadn’t exactly been normal. Michael was recovering, albeit slowly. Adam did press him sometimes to talk, to not hold all his grief in, to let Adam help. He was not back to normal, he would probably never be back to what he had once been. </p><p>But sometimes Michael opened up, let himself feel. Those times were hard. Sometimes Michael would curl into himself, barely even noticing Adam, and the words would bleed out of him slowly. Other times Michael wouldn’t say anything at all, he would just press against  Adam and stay there. Adam would sometimes talk, sometimes sing to him when he did this. And sometimes it made Michael hold him even tighter. There was always something heavy weighing on Adam’s chest when he did so.</p><p> Adam could not name it. He was afraid to name it. Then one day he had to.</p><p>On that day,  Adam had actually managed to get Michael to take a break. They were playing one of the many card games Adam had taught Michael. Adam was having an unprecedented streak of luck, as he declared his third victory in a row, he couldn't help the bubbling laugh that rose from his chest at Michael’s disgruntled face.  </p><p>It was rare these days to see a light emotion on Michael’s face. Usually, his face was either set in a blank smooth emptiness or carved in grief. The warm relief that flushed through Adam made him feel almost giddy. At first, the laugh only made the lines around Michael’s mouth deepen, but then Michael’s face softened, his mouth curving into a smile. It was almost like before Raphael, before Lucifer’s attack, like they were just enjoying themselves the best they could. Michael was looking at him, his eyes shining, his smile amused as if he could not help the corners of his mouth tucking upwards. </p><p>And right then and there  Adam’s heart leaped and his insides burned once again. He wanted to reach for Michael, to pull him closer, to-</p><p><em>Oh, </em>Adam thought. </p><p>
  <em>Oh, fuck.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A lot happened in this chapter! I'd love to know what you guys thought about it! Again, I have no idea of the canon timeline, or if this even was how Michael found out about Raphael's death, but as he seemed to be handling it quite well in 15x08, I figured he had known for a while</p><p>Thank you to everyone who has left kudos or commented on this fic so far, it really does make my day every single time to know that there are people out there who enjoy something I have written.:)</p><p>If anyone wants to know about the new chapter as soon as I post or just wants to come and  obsess over supernatural and midam with me I do have a <a href="https://tuometarr.tumblr.com">tumblr</a></p><p>Next chapter should be out on Tuesday, but I will leave Friday as my fallback day once again.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here is chapter 5!</p><p>I have just two things to say:</p><p>1. I may have gone against canon with some concepts in this chapter, to be honest, I am not completely sure and I really am too lazy to do any more research ^^" just go with it, okay? This is an AU.</p><p>2.Thank you, my dearest friends, Anna and <a href="https://almostwritingdragon.tumblr.com">@almostwritingdragon</a> I wouldn't have gotten through writing this chapter without you!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adam could remember the exact moment he had fallen in love with Kristin. Okay, that wasn’t true, falling in love with Kristin had been a journey with many steps, some more deliberate than others. What Adam could distinctly pinpoint, was the moment he had known he had fallen in love with Kristin.</p><p>Adam could remember that he had been pissed that day, what about, he could not recall. Maybe it had been school stress, maybe it had been money trouble or one of the thousand other small things that teenage Adam had had on his plate. The point was Adam remembered being tired, tense, and angry. He could also remember that it had been one of those days when everything had been just getting to him and it had shown, maybe he had spoken a bit too sharply or been too quiet at school because Kristin had noticed.</p><p>Adam found that out as he answered the doorbell that evening, finding Kristin holding a small box.</p><p>“Hi,” she had said, holding up the box to Adam’s confused face. “Do you want a lemon square?”</p><p>“What?” Adam had asked, trying to remember if they were supposed to meet that night.</p><p>“My mom made lemon squares, and they turned out super good! So I thought you could use one,” Kristin had shrugged, like she hadn’t just driven all the way to Adam’s house to give him a pastry.</p><p>“You thought I could use one?” Adam had repeated.</p><p>“Well yeah,” Kristin had tugged her hair like she always did when she was nervous. “You know, you just came to mind when I tasted them,” she had continued. </p><p>And that had been the moment Adam had known he loved her. Something had ignited in his chest, and he had known it to be love. Kristin had tasted something sweet and wanted to share it with Adam; it was a small, nice thing and also everything. That was the moment Adam remembered. He could still recognize the feeling now, as he sat on the living room floor in his own memories and watched archangel Michael smile back at him in a way that made denial impossible. </p><p>He loved Michael. He was in love with Michael. Michael, the archangel, the Prince of Heaven, who was his only companion most likely for the rest of eternity. Michael, who barely understood <em>friendships</em>. That was the Michael Adam had fallen in love with. </p><p>“Adam?” Michael’s voice pulled him out of the spiral of panic he was descending down. </p><p>Adam tried to gather himself. He needed to be normal. He could be normal. All that had happened was that he had won a card game, and Michael had smiled, and that was perfectly normal. Adam could do this. He could totally look Michael in the face and be completely normal about it. How many times did people usually blink, anyway?</p><p>“Adam, are you alright?” Michael asked there was a frown on his face and worry in his voice. He was leaning in closer, which was not helping. </p><p>“Yeah,” Adam heard a voice way too high to be his own say. He took a deep breath. “I’m- I’m fine, I just remembered something,” he mumbled. </p><p>Michael let out an understanding hum. As far as covers went, that had been a good one. It got to both of them sometimes, the memories of their lives outside. Especially after Raphael’s death, Michael would sometimes fall quiet and distant. </p><p>The silence stretched, but Adam didn’t dare to break it.  Every single word he could think of felt wrong. They were all too awkward, too clumsy. He could not remember how they usually talked, though he had been doing it not five minutes before. But that had been then and this was now, and now Adam was in lov- <em>Focus</em>, he cut off the thought. </p><p>“Are you sure you’re alright, kid?” Michael asked again, his mouth pressing into a thin line as he eyed Adam. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay.” Adam was proud of how level his voice was. “It’s just, one of those things, you know?” was the only explanation he offered, knowing that Michael would draw his own conclusions from there. </p><p>Michael nodded solemnly. “If you’re sure, you’re alright, I should go,” Michael had tensed up again, he would not let his guard down anymore. </p><p>“Okay,” Adam said quickly, too quickly. He had never before wanted to have just a moment by himself this much.</p><p>Michael paused, tilting his head. Adam had never been happy about Michael leaving before. He wasn’t all that happy about it now, given where Michael was going, but he needed time. </p><p>“I mean, if you need to go, you need to go,” Adam said, weighing his words. “Just be careful, and come- come back when you can.” He had to force himself to actually look at Michael when he spoke, though it almost made his voice falter. </p><p>Michael looked Adam over for another moment and then nodded again, this time with a small smile which made Adam feel warm all over, and oh, he was so epically screwed. </p><p>Michael disappeared, and Adam quietly sat down on the couch, trying to think. <em>I love Michael. I am in love with Michael</em>. The words echoed in his head. He didn’t dare to speak them though he could almost taste them in his mouth. Adam wasn’t sure how much Michael could listen in on the memoryscape, he was not going to risk it. </p><p>What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t tell Michael, could he? Adam tried to imagine Michael’s reaction. From everything they had talked about, he knew that Michael was aware of romantic love as a concept, but just like many other human things he was unfamiliar with it.  Adam could imagine that human romance was not on the radar of someone who had spent most of their life as a weapon of Heavenly Intent. He shook his head, Dean had warned him about this exact thing, and yet, here he was, in love with an angel. </p><p>Adam flinched as he tried to remember the words Dean had used as they were talking about… about... Adam looked down at his hands. There it still was, the memory replica of his brown wristband. He had a vague recollection of the symbols it was covering. Adam remembered the day the mark had appeared. He had spent such a long time staring at it hoping it would suddenly rearrange into something he could understand, how he had tried to imagine his perfect soulmate, how the idea of them had seemed impossible. Adam had been right back then. He didn’t really have a soulmate. But now a part of him wished he could know if he was always meant to end up here. It seemed likely. </p><p>Not that it even mattered all that much. Because whether it was Michael’s name on his wrist or not, Adam was still in love with him. His soulmark had not stopped him from being in love before, and it was not going to do so now. In the end, Adam was glad in a way, of the fact that he still had no idea if Michael was his soulmate. He was pretty sure he would have felt worse if he had known it was Michael. Because then he could have never been sure if the mark had played a part in how he felt. But no, here he was again, choosing to love ignorant of the mark. It felt terrible but also right. Soulmate or not, Adam was in love with Michael. </p><p>His hands shook. Adam tried to breathe. In and out. He needed to get himself together. He couldn’t let Michael find out, the more he thought about it, the more obvious it got. Adam could imagine Michael having a few reactions, none of them good.  Michael could ignore it, like he liked to do with things that confused him and he didn’t want to admit it, which Adam could actually live with. He could pity Adam, which would be infinitely worse. Or in the Nuclear Option, Michael, with his warped sense of duty, could even try to humor him and play along for Adam’s sake, the thought made him ill. Michael had no limits on what he would do for those he cared about. It was scary to wield that kind of power with someone. He could not risk it. </p><p>So Adam wouldn’t risk it. He could keep this to himself. How hard could it be? All he had to do was act normal. It wasn’t like he usually went around spilling all his emotions, so this would simply have to be something Adam just didn’t mention. And was it really that different? Adam had known for a long time that he cared about Michael, cared about him very much, so really how hard could it be? Now that he had had time to think, time to process, it was all going to be okay. Adam could do this.</p><p>*</p><p>Adam couldn’t do this. When Michael was there, Adam was hyper-aware of everything. Every word, every gesture. The quiet ease they had found was gone. He had never been too good at lying, and he especially wasn’t good at lying to Michael, who at this point had known him for what felt like years. Adam hated the silences that were now present even when Michael was there. They were not like the silences of his isolation, which had been like gaping black holes in their emptiness, these silences were filled to the brim, it made Adam restless. He was unable to focus, unable to pretend that everything was fine. The worst part of it was that however uncomfortable it was when Michael was there, being alone was even worse. </p><p>Adam knew Michael had noticed something was off. He had no idea what to do about it; there were only so many times he could say he was working on some “human stuff.” Adam could also tell it was weighing on Michael, and he wanted to kick himself every single time he saw the tense set of Michael’s jaw. Now, in addition to dealing with whatever fresh hell Lucifer was up to in the Cage, and processing Raphael’s death, Adam had taken the one good thing Michael had in hell and made it weird. Great.</p><p>Adam decided that enough was enough. He would have to see what he could do for Michael. He could not fix his feelings, no matter how much he wished that was an option, but he had a suspicion that there was something he could do. Michael had claimed there wasn’t, right after Lucifer’s attack, but Adam had never been able to thoroughly shake the feeling that he had been lying. It was time to press the issue, this could not go on. </p><p>“We have to do something,” Adam said as soon as Michael appeared in his kitchen. He looked almost as bad as he had when he had first appeared. Adam couldn’t watch Michael get more stretched and worn. He would not let Michael destroy himself. Not for his sake. </p><p>“I can’t stay long,” Michael started with his customary greeting. </p><p>“Michael, you can’t keep this up forever, you look like shit,” Adam said, walking closer and turning off the CD player on the kitchen counter. The gloves were off now. </p><p>Michael chose not to answer, instead he crossed his arms and took a few steps back. </p><p>“I’m serious,” Adam said, he would not let Michael worm his way out this time. </p><p>“Don’t worry about it, kid, I have everything under control,” Michael snapped.</p><p>“Yeah, because this is what in control looks like.” Adam rolled his eyes. “You were lying when you said there was nothing I could do, weren’t you? Right after I saw- saw the Cage, you lied.” It was best not to beat around the bush. “I let it slide then, but no more. Michael, if there is any way I can help, you need to tell me.” Adam tried to keep his voice neutral. </p><p>Michael held himself tighter. “You’re one to talk about lying,” he said flatly. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Something is wrong, kid, and you’re not telling me what it is, so I can’t help you.” Michael’s gaze was drilling into Adam. He feared for a moment that Michael would break his promise and take an unauthorized peek inside Adam’s head. </p><p>“That’s different. It’s personal it’s- it’s a human thing,” Adam said, but even he was tired of the same worn excuse. </p><p>Michael scoffed. “You have explained plenty of human things to me before. Surely this is something more significant than the fictional lives of adolescent genetically manipulated warrior reptiles-”</p><p>“-teenage mutant ninja turtles-”</p><p>-”So just tell me what’s wrong kid, I want to help, I thought-” Michael paused. “I thought we were in this together, you’re- you’re all I have kid, I can’t-” Another pause, Michael was staring at him. It reminded Adam of the look Michael had given him the night he’d found out Rapahel had died. He didn’t like it at all. “-I can’t lose you, kid.” </p><p>Adam opened his mouth, ”I-,” he started, but what could he say to that? He could barely think, with Michael looking at him like that. He felt <em>the words</em> rising onto the tip of his tongue. Maybe if he just said them out loud just once, maybe then everything would be alright. He could feel them ringing in the silence between them but Adam could not bring himself to say them. The way Michael was looking at him was precisely why he couldn’t do it. He was looking at Adam with so much <em>devotion</em>. Under that gaze, Adam felt all the fear of Michael doing <em>anything</em> for him. Michael’s own feelings and needs would not matter to him. So Adam couldn’t risk it.</p><p>“I-” he repeated. “I need time, Michael,” he finally settled on. He was avoiding the issue but what else could he do? “It’s something I need time with. Can you just please give me some time?” Adam had no idea how he was going to fix anything with more time, but at least it was something. </p><p>Michael looked away from Adam, irritation rippling across his face. </p><p>“But Michael, you <em>need</em> to tell me if there is anything I can do to help you. I can’t watch you do this to yourself. My stuff… It’s about me. But this,” Adam said, gesturing to Michael’s faded appearance. “is about both of us, our survival. You’re all I have too, and you can’t go crazy on me, remember?” </p><p>Michael closed his eyes, his arms still crossed, the corner’s of his mouth tight. He remained silent. </p><p>“I can’t do it, I can’t watch you do this to yourself, and I <em>can’t</em> face Lucifer again. Michael, please, at least tell me what the options are.” Adam said, softening his tone.</p><p>Michael slowly turned his head to look at Adam, and his shoulders dropped. “Fine, fine, I’ll tell you. But that doesn’t mean we’re doing it,” Michael said, pointing his finger for emphasis.</p><p>Adam lifted his hands in an appeasing motion, he had gained his point. Michael inhaled before he began. </p><p>“This is all in theory now, kid,” Michael said, fixing a stern look at him. Adam just nodded. “It is taking a lot out of me to keep my brother away. I’m not as strong as I once was. We are out of the reach of Heaven, and it is taking its toll. Now, in theory,-” Michael emphasized the last words. “- I could borrow some energy from your soul. Souls are an extremely potent source of power. It would be a symbiosis of sorts. I would get powered up by your soul and in turn I could protect your soul from anything that would try to harm it.”</p><p>Adam looked at Michael’s face as he thought about it. It sounded right to him somehow. He liked the idea of symbiosis. He liked the idea of being able to give something into this- this partnership. </p><p>“And this would be borrowing, you wouldn’t be, like, draining my soul?” Adam asked, there had to be a reason for Michael’s reluctance. </p><p>Michael’s brows furrowed deeper. “I would never do anything like that to you,” he said with indignation. Adam had to look away at that. “Your soul would be protected by my grace and drawing power from it would do it no harm,” Michael said sternly.</p><p>“Okay, so what’s the catch then?” Adam asked, confused, it sounded like a perfect solution. </p><p>“It’s-” Michael stopped, most likely trying to find the best English equivalent to the Enochian concept he was thinking about. “- intimate. We’d be linked. That is the best word for it, I suppose. I’d be bare to you and you’d be bare to me.” </p><p>“Yes, and?” Adam asked, forcing himself not to overthink Michael’s words. </p><p>“Adam, this is serious, it is about your soul,” Michael huffed. </p><p>“I am being serious,” Adam assured him. “And I don’t see what the problem is really. I trust you. We’re stuck together, remember? You <em>know</em> me, Michael, what more do you need? Do I need to stand outside your window with a boombox or something?”</p><p>Michael squinted. “What?” </p><p>Adam shook his head, not daring to look at Michael for a moment. “Nevermind, it’s a movie reference.” </p><p>Michael took a deep breath. “The linking, it wouldn’t only be intimate, it would be invasive. In some cases, angels can do only a light tap, but here, and in order to fight off Lucifer? We’d need to do a deeper link than that. That type of link was only used by- by-” Michael shook his head.</p><p>“By?” Adam prompted as Michael seemed to have no intention of continuing the thought. </p><p>“I told you about the Nephilim, didn’t I?”  </p><p>“Yeah, you- oh, so wait, this is a sex bond?!” Adam could not believe where this conversation had gone.</p><p>“No,” Michael said sharply. </p><p>Well, good to know where he stood with that.</p><p>“The bond and human reproduction have nothing in common. It is just that this type of linking has only been used with humans by those types of angels.”</p><p>Adam tried very hard not to think too much about Michael and reproduction. “Okay then” Adam really wasn’t sure what to say next. So the problem was forming the bond with a human then? That made sense, though it did hurt. Adam had known that Michael did not have the highest opinion of humans, but he had thought that Michael had been learning and that he’d at least come to value Adam, but he would not sink to the level of his rebellious brethren even if it was to save himself.</p><p>“Michael, I get that this thing is not something you want, and I am sorry for it. I know it is unfair. But Michael, please, this can’t go on. I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore. You have to let me help, you have to. Even if it means, well, debasing yourself to form a bond with a human,” Adam felt as if he was going to choke on the last few words.</p><p>“I-” Michael hesitated, he looked taken aback by the emotion in Adam’s voice. “I wouldn’t mind it. Forming the link with you. But Adam, the link goes two ways, there is no way for me to respect your boundaries as I have tried to do so far. There is no such thing as privacy when it comes to linking.”</p><p>“Ah,” was all Adam could say to that. He sure as hell had no idea what to say to Michael admitting that he <em>wouldn’t mind</em> sharing an intimate angel bond with him. But he could see the problem now. His secret would be out. </p><p>He was suddenly filled with an ice-cold dread.  Because not doing the linking because of Adam’s <em>feelings</em> wasn’t really an option, now was it? He thought about it, for the tiniest moment, telling Michael he didn’t want to do the linking and continuing as they were, feelings safe and hidden, but Adam knew Michael could not do it. He would pretend he could and harm himself in the process and Adam couldn’t bear that. So Adam decided, his own feelings he would deal with, he could deal with whatever came with Michael finding out. He could not survive watching Michael hurt just to protect him. </p><p>“Doesn’t matter, we’re doing it,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. </p><p>Michael’s mouth twitched in annoyance. “Weren’t you just asking for more time?”</p><p>“Yes, but that’s different. That was about me, and this is about us. Don’t think you’re the only one allowed to make sacrifices here.” Adam fumed. </p><p>Michael didn’t seem to like that at all. “I said I would tell you, not that we would do it.” </p><p>“Why not? I am willing to deal with my own shit Michael, I would rather do that with you than let this thing go on one minute longer. So what is your actual issue?” Adam crossed his arms and lifted his chin, he would not give up. </p><p>Michael paused. He did not look at Adam as he spoke. “You’d have to <em>see</em> me.” </p><p>“See you?” Adam repeated. </p><p>“Not as a projection but partly as I truly am,” Michael said as if it explained what the problem was.</p><p>“And that’s bad because?”</p><p>"Seeing Lucifer has clearly affected you, I know angels aren’t… pleasant for human eyes,” Michael said tersely.</p><p>“Okay,” was all Adam said. So that was what Michael was worried about. Adam did his best not to roll his eyes. Of all things, how was Michael worried about that? He took a step closer, moving into Michael’s space.</p><p>“Michael, no matter what you look like, you could never be like <em>that,</em>” Adam knew Michael could never be <em>wrong</em> like the creature he had seen.  Adam had always been somewhat aware that Michael was not what he saw. He was not really human or even remotely human-shaped. And Adam had fallen for him anyway because he was an idiot.  </p><p>Before he could overthink it, Adam reached out, placed his hand on Michael’s cheek, making sure he had direct eye contact. Michel turned to look at him, his face was blank. </p><p>Adam tried to gather his thoughts while looking at Michael. He could feel the heat of him under his palm. “Michael, I promise you, no matter what you look like, I will not fear you.”</p><p>Michael’s blank face showed cracks. Just for a moment, Michael closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Adam was transfixed. </p><p>Suddenly Michael shifted. Adam knew what that meant already. </p><p>“Don’t think I’m dropping this,” Adam said, letting his hand fall. Michael was already gone. </p><p>*</p><p>What Adam needed next was a plan. It was very likely that Michael would find out. What should he do? Adam tried his best to move past the mortification and hurt of rejected feelings quickly, there was nothing he could do about those. What he could do was figure out ways to do damage control on Michael’s reaction. He could, he had to, handle his own hurt, but he did not want to hurt Michael. Should Adam warn him beforehand? No matter how much he tried, he could not see himself having that conversation. He didn’t think he could. There was a limit to what he could handle. </p><p>Besides, there was no way Adam could know for sure what Michael would find out, and there was a possibility, however small it was, that Michael wouldn’t. So could he just not say anything then? That wasn’t an option either, that would leave Michael alone with his own interpretations, which could at worst lead to the Nuclear Option. Maybe Adam would just have to insist that they talk afterwards? Maybe talking afterwards would be easier too, Adam would most likely know better where Michael stood after he had poked around his head a bit. </p><p>Adam told himself that leaving the talking till after was not a chickening out. </p><p>*</p><p>The next time Michael appeared, Adam was on his couch, sorting through his boardgames. He pushed all of them aside as Michael crashed to the end of the couch. He had been preparing and this was not a conversation to be had over Monopoly.  “Michael, we’re doing the linking thing,” Adam said in as steady a voice as he could muster. He felt a terrible pang in his chest as he saw Michael. It looked like he was hanging on by a thread. </p><p>Michael opened his mouth to argue, but Adam went on. “Hear me out at least.” </p><p>Michael let out a tired sigh, which Adam took as his cue to continue.</p><p>“Don’t say you can keep doing this because you can’t, we both know that,” Adam said, daring Michael to argue. He didn’t, which was very telling in itself.  “So, we’re doing this,” Adam declared. “And yes, I know it’s not ideal, I know you don’t like it, but we have to. I can’t- I can’t lose you either.” </p><p>Michael was quiet. He was looking at Adam, clearly searching for something. “Michael, you have to know, that- that no matter what you <em>are</em> or anything, I won’t turn my back on you, I can handle it, I swear, I l-” Adam managed to stop himself. “But,” he continued, turning his eyes to his own hands. “there are some things that you’re going to- maybe going to see, and I need you to- to promise me that after.. after we’re done, that you’ll talk to me and tell me what you think, okay? So I can explain what- what needs to be explained.”</p><p>There was silence. It stretched in the air like an elastic band. Adam dragged his eyes back to Michael’s face. He almost jumped when he saw the intensity with which Michael was looking at him. “Does this relate to the… stuff… you’ve been going through?” he asked, his head tilting slightly.</p><p>“Uh, yeah,” Adam said, his voice muffled. </p><p>“And you can’t just explain it now?”</p><p>“I rather wouldn’t.” </p><p>Michael frowned at that. “I see,” he said after a beat. Adam felt a huge pang in his chest when he looked at Michael. He looked hurt. Adam was hit with just how much Michael had changed. Looking at the big picture, it wasn’t that long ago that Michael had been dismissive of humans, and now here he was, actually displeased that Adam would not explain a human concept to him, Michael wanted to learn, to understand him. Adam tried his best to keep his head clear and his thoughts in order, no matter how much he wanted to grin like a maniac. </p><p>“But I promise we’ll talk after, so we can be on the same page,” Adam tried to appease Michael. Now his short-lived happiness faded into nervousness. He did not know what to expect from the “link”.</p><p>“You’re sure?” Michael asked, eyeing him. Adam lifted his chin defiantly.</p><p>“Yep,” Adam said, voice too tense for the casualness he had aimed for. </p><p>There was a silence in which Michael just stared at him clearly dissatisfied.</p><p>“Michael, we can keep fighting about this however long you want, I’m not backing down,” Adam said with a look that had usually gotten Kate Milligan to throw in the towel.</p><p>Michael sighed. It worked on archangels too, good to know. Michael stood up. </p><p>“Still sure?” Michael asked, looking down at him.</p><p>Adam rolled his eyes. “Quit stalling.” </p><p>Michael frowned. “Try to remain calm, you’ll be okay,” he said as he disappeared.</p><p>Adam tried not to tense up as he felt himself being pulled out of the memoryscape. He tried to push the images of the Cage and of Lucifer further back. It was not like the other times he had left the memoryscape, he was not roughly torn out like before. This time he was tucked out more smoothly as the living room went hazy around him. </p><p>Adam felt heat around him again, but it was different. The heat did not burn as much as it had formerly. It felt warm, not scorching. Adam was surrounded by white emptiness. It was impossible to judge what was up and what was down, it just was. Adam felt a surge of panic as he realized he was not in a body, he didn’t have limbs<em>.</em> </p><p><em>It’s alright,</em> came a voice from all around him. Adam calmed down a little. Michael was here somewhere, even though Adam could not see him.</p><p><em>Where are you? </em>Adam said somehow, even though he didn’t have a mouth.</p><p>The void around him rippled. <em>I’m around you</em>.</p><p>So this was Michael. Adam looked at the white void. It was sizzling and alive around him. Not what he had pictured at all. <em>Is this what you look like?</em> </p><p><em>No, I’m just surrounding you with my grace. </em>Adam could sense the void tightening around him. Michael was tensing up. </p><p><em>Hey, it’s going to be fine,</em> Adam tried to tell both himself and Michael. He was pretty sure Michael could tell he was nervous. </p><p>The void shifted again, Adam could now feel something ghosting against him. <em>You can still back down, </em>Michael said. The <em>last chance</em> went unsaid. </p><p>Adam was nervous, but now that he was here, he didn’t want to back down. In all his worry about everything, he had forgotten to consider that no matter what Michael was about to learn about him, Adam would learn something about Michael. They had gotten closer over time, especially considering their starting point, but there was still so much Adam didn’t know.</p><p><em>I’m not chickening out now</em>, Adam tried to put as much determination behind the words as he could. </p><p>If a white void could sigh, Adam was pretty sure Michael would have done it. <em>Get ready, </em>he said instead.</p><p>Adam had been expecting something like his possession where he’d been pushed and pressed. Or perhaps the exact opposite of that to be pulled and stretched. Linking wasn’t like either of those things. Adam felt an electric <em>alive</em> pressure gliding against him. It surrounded Adam, but he wasn’t being molded or moved; he was enveloped by <em>Michael</em>. <em>Michael</em> reached for <em>Adam</em> and slotted into place. It felt more like a zipper being closed, a connection that was all surrounding, both a give and a take, and it went deep into his very core.</p><p>Power was roaring around Adam, inside Adam. He could feel Michael, the burning fire of him. And he could also see him. Adam had no words for what he could see. Michael was...the only way Adam could comprehend him was in contrast to Lucifer. Where Lucifer had felt <em>wrong</em>, Michael filled Adam with an overwhelming sense of <em>awe</em>. Where Lucifer was a freezing dark void, Michael was a scorching presence. Where Adam couldn’t bear looking at Lucifer, he could not look away from Michael. </p><p>Adam understood that angels were meant to be feared, he could understand someone seeing Michael and being filled with primal terror, but it was different for him. Because he <em>knew </em>it was Michael. There was something familiar about the being in front of him. This was who he had seen multiple times hiding behind a human face and eyes. And there was no way Adam could fear him. Quite the opposite, Adam looked at <em>Michael,</em> and he was filled with a sense of calm and over bursting affection. </p><p>This was the thing he loved. </p><p>It was easy to know it, to feel it. It was easy to look upon the vast expanse of Michael and love it and not be hurt when it would not love him back, because who would expect a thing like Michael to love something like Adam. People didn’t expect the night sky filled with millions of stars to be moved by the human gazing at it, why should Adam expect anything different? So it was easy, almost painless, to let his love finally ignite and burn and overflow towards the creature. His love felt safely insignificant. To a being like that, it would not matter, it was like trying to warm up the entire universe with only one's own body heat, utterly pointless, but Adam would do it nonetheless. Just for a moment Adam felt at peace with it all.</p><p>And then Adam was hit with a hailstorm of emotions that were not his own. They pierced him, burning.</p><p>Adam felt Michael’s emotions rummage through him. Michael was a being made for loyalty and duty and it showed in the all-consuming devotion that was his love for his Father. It shined bright even after all the years in the Cage. But there was something strange about it, an undercurrent of fear was hidden inside it. Michael’s devotion was unquestioning and steady, but underneath there was a knowledge of the fragility of the return. Michael had always been afraid of that love being taken away, he’d seen it happen to Lucifer. In that fear, Adam could also feel the bitter hurt of Lucifer’s betrayal, of the hurt that still loved, bitterly unwillingly, but still undeniably loved. Michael’s loyalty to his other brothers was almost as absolute as his loyalty to God. There was more tenderness there too, though now it was all laced with bitter hurt. Gabriel had left, Raphael was gone forever.</p><p>It was overwhelming. Michael had a forever of emotions and memories all rippling around Adam. Michael’s feelings were all immense, there was nothing gentle about them.  Michael was a being of absolutes. Adam felt as if he was being torn all around by all the different currents flowing through him. Adam’s discomfort rippled towards the creature and then it all came to a halt. Adam was wrapped in a massive singular wave. It was warm and steady, it burned with just as much as Michael’s other emotions, but it did not tear through Adam like a bolt of lightning, it warmed him softly like the morning sun. It was love once again. Just like the others, it was steady, unyielding, and somehow solitary, not expecting anything from anyone else to sustain it. </p><p>Adam was now surrounded in its warm protection, it wrapped around him like a blanket. It felt wrong to Adam that Michael should be willing to give so much love and not even expect anything back. It made Adam ache, it made his own emotions bubble and overflow. And then the warm cocoon around him tighter and warmer, and it finally hit Adam, that this love was for <em>him. </em>All of it the fierce protection, the loyalty, the joy, the hurt, the burn<em>.</em> It was all for him. Adam sunk further into the twirl of emotions he let them wash over him. He reached around him for <em>Michael</em>, just to gain some contact, to help him understand how Michael felt, his surprise, his <em>joy.</em></p><p><em>Adam,</em> said Michael. The words were pressed right into Adam. <em>We can stop now. I have enough power. </em></p><p>Adam had forgotten entirely what they were doing this for. He was still spinning with the fact that Michael, actually, no joke, no sort of, no kind of, <em>loved</em> him back.</p><p><em>I’m putting you back now. </em>Michael started to untangle them. It felt <em>wrong. </em>Adam wanted to chase after him as Michael carefully meticulously retreated until Adam was just <em>Adam</em> again. </p><p>*</p><p>It felt weird to blink again as Adam opened his eyes. Michael had laid him onto the couch once again. Michael was sitting next to him, staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He didn’t look like he usually did. </p><p>“Michael?” Adam asked, raising himself to a sitting position. There was no doubt it was Michael, Adam had just recognized him as a multidimensional limitless creature, it was easy to find him in the set of the shoulder or the expression of the eyes. But had never before taken any other face. There was something distinctly familiar in the face Michael was wearing now, it was nagging at the back of Adam’s head. </p><p>“Will this do?” Michael asked, his voice intense. </p><p>“Do for what?” </p><p>Michael cupped Adam’s cheek with his left hand and shifted closer, their knees were only inches apart. </p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Adam heard himself say. A wide smile overtook Michael’s face, and it clicked for Adam. He almost choked on his own laughter as he realized Michael was wearing the face of a pop singer Adam had once mentioned having a crush on while he had acquainted Michael with his CD collection.  He couldn’t believe Michael even remembered that. </p><p>He felt a new wave of fondness. Michael must have seen it on his face as his smile slid into a softer curve, his eyes shining, Adam had no idea how to meet such a look, but he didn’t want ever to look away from it. Michael looked happier than Adam had ever seen him. </p><p>“So, you wanted to talk?” Michael said into the space between them. </p><p>“Huh?” Adam tried to form a coherent thought. </p><p>“Before this, you said we needed to talk afterwards,” Michael reminded. </p><p>“Right, right,” talking had been pretty far from Adam’s mind. “Well, uh, to be honest, this didn’t go as I expected, I thought that- that I would have to explain human emotions for you.”</p><p>“Why?” Michael tilted his head in confusion. </p><p>“Well, I didn’t know you would <em>feel </em>for me,” Adam said, heat creeping up his cheeks. He did not know how to put into words the sheer amount of emotions Michael had.</p><p>“Ah, I see,” Michael said with a stiff voice. “Let me assure you, even though we don’t have soulmarks that doesn’t mean-” Adam cut Michael off by letting out an undignified yelp as he almost fell off the couch. There had been so many other things to worry about, he had forgotten about soulmarks entirely. Michael had seen his mark, of course, he had seen the mark. </p><p>“What?” Michael asked with a small huff. His hands were now fisted in his lap.</p><p>All Adam could do was stare at him wide-eyed. “My mark,” he finally managed. “You saw it?”</p><p>Michael nodded softly. “I had been able to respect your privacy on the matter before but, as I warned you beforehand-”</p><p>“And you can read it?”</p><p>Now Michael just looked confused. </p><p>“My mark, it’s written in Enochian,” Adam said as he took off his wristband. He hoped his memory of the mark was correct. “I’ve never been able to read it.” </p><p>He pushed his wrist towards Michael. Michael took it, gently holding Adam’s hand in both of his, staring at the black symbols on Adam’s wrist. </p><p>“You don’t know what it says?” Michael asked, his voice quiet.</p><p>“No,” Adam felt something heavy at the pit of his stomach. </p><p>Michael looked up, his eyes wide and searching. “Then why do you love me? I was under the impression that humans do love their soulmates, but if you didn’t know…”</p><p>Adam felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. Michael thought Adam loved him because of the mark? </p><p>Adam pulled Michael’s face between his hands and moved closer until they were only inches apart. “Michael, you listen to me now,” his own voice sounded heavy and rough. “I love you because of <em>you</em>, not some stupid mark. I love you because you are so brave and so selfless and so kind and a million other reasons. Most importantly, I love you because I choose to. No matter what name was on that mark, I would still love you, you hear me? My love is not conditioned on- on fate, on that mark.” Adam knew his face must be red, he felt out of breath, but he needed Michael to understand. His love wasn’t born out of fate, it was born out of <em>Michael.</em></p><p>A soft “Ah,” was all Michael said. He had fallen completely still as he did in those moments when he forgot his human appearance. Adam could see the being Michael was just underneath the motionless face. The night full of stars was admiring him back. Adam had no idea what to do with it. </p><p>“It is your name though, isn’t it?” Adam asked after a while, his mouth felt dry, the words heavy. Michael snapped back into focus. “Yes,” he said, turning to look at the mark on the wrist next to his cheek. Michael blinked, shifting, hesitantly he reached forward his lips pressing a featherlight kiss on Adam’s palm. It sent sparks all the way to Adam’s toes. </p><p>Adam was in love with his soulmate. He had unintentionally chosen to love his soulmate. His soulmate who didn’t have a mark at all, who was actually choosing to love him, just like he had always wanted. If Adam hadn’t been so happy, he would have been mad. </p><p>“So is there still something you wanted to talk about or…” Michael raised his eyes back to Adam’s face. Adam could suddenly think of a million better things to do right then than talk. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...So that was that</p><p>I am going to be honest, I am terrified of posting this chapter, it was by far the most difficult to write and really tough one to edit as well. That's why I want to give a special thank to everyone who interacted with chapter 4! The positivity that chapter got is what made me motivated to get this one done, so thank you all so much!!! I hope you all liked this chapter :)</p><p> If anyone wants to come to talk to me about midam <strike>or fic ideas as this fic is ending soon</strike> I'll just leave my <a href="https://tuometarr.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> here.</p><p> I'm having a busy week so I will try to get the next chapter out by next Tuesday, but honestly, next Friday seems more realistic.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter 6 is here, sorry it took so long!! <strike>Even though it is the shortest chapter</strike></p><p> </p><p>I don't have much to say here besides a huge thank you to my dear friends Anna and <a href="https://almostwritingdragon.tumblr.com">@almostwritingdragon</a> who keep getting me through posting :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In some ways the linking with Michael and what had followed had changed everything, in others, things were simply returning to how they used to be. Michael returned to the memoryscape and some of their activities were the same they had always been, talking, playing games and whatnot, but other things were entirely new, excitingly so. </p><p>There was no way to tell what Michael had seen in Adam’s memories during the linking, but Adam could form an educated guess from the fact that Michael would not leave his side at all. If Adam went to his room to get something, Michael followed, Adam slid from the couch to the floor and Michael slid right next to him, shoulder to shoulder. It seemed to be Michael’s new mission to be as close to Adam as he possibly could at any given time. And Adam didn’t really mind. He didn’t mind at all. All the time Adam had spent thinking of Michael as something unreachable, and now he was always there almost always literally within an arm's reach. </p><p>And Adam did often reach for him. That was one of the things that had changed. As at the beginning of any relationship, at first, there was a certain kind of thrill that came with even the simplest of touches. Just putting his hand on top of Michael’s as they talked was enough to make Adam smile. Every touch felt revolutionary, and yet there was something oddly casual about it, it simply felt right every single time. </p><p>After such a long time of tension and strain, it felt unreal to be suddenly at ease again. Michael was no longer as on edge. He was still a bit alert, and even more intense with his need to keep Adam safe, but he was more calmed now, more secure in his power. Michael had assured Adam that there was no way Lucifer would dare to try anything now and even if he did Michael <em>would not let him.</em> </p><p>Adam knew now just how intensely Michael’s protectiveness was, how raw all his emotions were. With Michael, there were no slight preferences, there was either loving something, hating it, or having no opinion at all, with little room in between. Given this, it was easy to see why Michael would have such difficulty forming opinions, because if he liked something he loved it, and there was no going back to neutrality after that no matter how much Michael would have wanted to. That was clear with Lucifer and to a different extent with the sorrow Michael carried from Raphael’s loss.  Michael was handling it better than Adam had expected he would. He had felt it through the link. Michael was still hurt, but he was not destroyed, he could learn to bear the parts of the pain that would never fade. </p><p>Adam would do what he could to help him. Every time he thought about it, he was filled with the urge to pull Michael closer and never let go. Over time Adam became more used to indulging this impulse. Before, touching had been so rare that, at first, Adam had had to remind himself that he was allowed to do it now. He had been holding back so long that it had felt bold to break out of the habit.</p><p>Michael didn’t seem to have any problems with the change. Everything about it was new to him, and in some things, he did look for Adam to take the lead, but Michael also appeared to have some vague ideas about human romance he was using. He moved closer into Adam’s space and initiate contact, which he had never done before. Michael was also very direct with his affection, which was no surprise but it did take some getting used to. Adam and Kristin had both stumbled through awkward confessions into casual “I love you”s but it was quite different to hear Michael talk very matter of factly about his unyielding and eternal feelings. </p><p>Even after having felt all that Michael had felt, it was exhilarating to hear it put into words. Adam never knew what to do with himself when Michael did so. Most times he wanted to look away from and was also transfixed by the look that Michael had. It was a peculiar mix of softness and steel. And it was the same on every face that Michael wore.  He had been switching up his appearance quite often. He had taken the shape of some celebrities Adam had shown him and also shapes of his former vessels or other humans Michael had been in contact with. </p><p>No matter what face Michael had,  Adam could always see him underneath it all. It was satisfying to have this proof of really knowing Michael when Adam could easily see the creature behind all the human faces, no matter the shape of it. He could find hints of the being he’d seen during the linking, hints of <em>Michael. </em>It was perhaps weird that the person he was in love with it was not a human at all, but Adam chose not to linger on it. He loved Michael as simple and complicated as that was. Michael was even Adam’s soulmate as simple and complicated as <em>that</em> was. </p><p>Adam was no longer as indifferent about soulmarks as he had once been. It was hard to call them wrong when he was in love with his soulmate. But he did feel better about the whole thing because he had fallen for Michael without knowing Michael to be his soulmate. Adam had not liked soulmarks because they essentially ordered people to love one another, but now, he was more of a believer in the fact that soulmarks pointed out people you’d fall for anyway. Still, Adam was satisfied that Michael had no mark, rather contradictory, it made Adam feel more secure in his own feelings. Adam was also glad Michael hadn’t known about his mark before. He didn’t know how he would have felt about Michael’s feelings if he had. How he could have never been sure they weren’t born out of obligation, which Adam shuddered to think about it. </p><p>Now that he did know about it, Michael seemed to love Adam’s mark. He loved to see it, to touch it, to kiss it, to know it was there. Adam didn’t know whether this was because Michael still held onto some ideal of a Plan of a meant to be, or if he was just a slightly possessive bastard or both. Whatever the case was Adam would often find Michael tucking at his wrist just to turn it towards him just so he could see it. He’d trace the symbols on Adam’s wrist with a feather-light touch and a smile so soft it was both hard to look at and impossible to look away from. Adam didn’t even know what to do with himself when Michael looked like that. He was glad that there was no real need to breathe in the memoryscape because he couldn’t have done it.</p><p>Michael could just look at Adam’s mark for hours. It became a pastime for him. They’d sit just sit somewhere curled to each other Michael holding Adam’s wrist and <em>staring. </em>Adam usually talked through these times too. Michael usually didn’t respond but he was listening all the same. Adam felt warm all over as he saw the gentle smile spread to Michael’s face, how at peace he looked. Sometimes Adam had to cut himself off because his mind could not form the next sentence. </p><p>*</p><p>“I hope my memory hasn’t made spelling mistakes,” Adam joked one day to the serene silence that had fallen between them. They were sitting on the porch of the cabin, Michael was leaning to the wall Adam’s head on his shoulder, his hands on Michael’s lap. Michael’s thumb was gently stroking the symbols. </p><p>“It’s fine,” Michael said, sounding distant. </p><p>“Wait, it’s not right?” Adam shifted to face Michael more directly. “But how do you know it’s your name then?” he asked as the panic hit him. </p><p>“I saw my mark on your bare soul, Adam,” Michael reminded him.</p><p>“Right, yeah,” Adam said his voice muffled. “But doesn’t it bother you?” If Adam saw his name on a soulmark misspelled it would drive him crazy. </p><p>Michael turned to look at him, his soft smile shifted into an amused one. “Not really, it’s… endearing to see how you viewed Enochian as a stranger to it.”</p><p>“So it looks like a child misspelled words?” Adam said feeling a bit embarrassed.</p><p>Michael did not answer him, which meant that he was right. </p><p>“Take me to look at it so I can get it right,” Adam huffed. </p><p>“I’m not taking you to the Cage,” Michael said his voice tight. “I am strong, kid, but that doesn’t mean it is safe for you.”</p><p>Adam knew it would take a lot for Michael to forgo his safety so he let the subject drop for now. </p><p>“You can’t read it anyway and I don’t mind,” Michael said still smiling.</p><p>“But I know that it’s wrong and it’s going to bug me.”</p><p>“Well, it doesn’t “bug” me, I like it,” Michael said sounding so much like a pouting child it made Adam smile. “As I have said this is all new to me, all special, and you- you’ve seen me in a way no one has before. And I like that in here even my name is different,” he continued eyes softening as he looked from Adam to the mark. “ In here that mark was made by you.”</p><p>“Michael…” Adam started but he had no idea how to continue. He was once again faced with how much responsibility there was being someone Michael cared about, someone he loved. Michael was built for loyalty and devotion, he would do anything, be anything, for those he deemed worthy of it. Adam was sure some people would enjoy wielding such power over someone, but it did scare him. All he wanted was for Michael to be happy, and to be happy in a way he wanted to be, not in a way even Adam wanted him to be.  </p><p>“Of course, I want to see the actual mark on your wrist, but I like this as well,” Michael turned to smile at Adam. </p><p>“Why don’t you?” Adam asked.</p><p>“Why don’t I what?” </p><p>“Go look at the real one?”</p><p>Michael frowned. “I would have to leave,” he said his hand slipping to hold Adam’s tightly.</p><p>“I can handle myself for five minutes,” Adam said rolling his eyes. “I’ve done it before.”</p><p>“I know that. I just-” Michael’s tone was heavy. “I felt it, during the linking,” Michael continued, looking at Adam’s hand on his lap, mouth pressed into a taut line. “I felt the-” Michael fell quiet for a beat. “I had no idea before, of my mistake. I had known that humans were heard anima- social creatures, but I had no idea it would- it would be like that. And I am so sorry, Adam, I <em>hurt</em> you, and I won’t do it again.”</p><p>“I’m not going to lie to you and say what happened was okay,” Adam said slowly.  “And that I’m over it. But I do forgive you. And I know you’d never hurt me on purpose, would you?” </p><p>Michael turned to look at Adam’s face. “Of course not.” </p><p>“And you’ll do anything in your power not to hurt me on accident in the future?” </p><p>Michael was looking at him sharply. “Of course I will.”</p><p>Adam smiled at him. “And how are you going to do that given that you don’t know what is hazardous to a human?”</p><p>Michael frowned. </p><p>Adam rolled his eyes. “You’re going to ask me about stuff, right?”</p><p>“...Right” Michael eyed him suspiciously, he seemed to have realized he was being led.</p><p>“And you’re going to believe me when I say I’ll be fine for five minutes, right?”</p><p>Michael stilled next to him. “Do you <em>want</em> me to leave?” </p><p>“No, Michael, but I don’t want you to stay because you <em>have to</em>. I want you to be here because you want to be here, and if you want to take a look at the mark on my real body I want you to be able to do that too, I want you to do things you want to do.”</p><p>Michael’s face contorted as he tried to process such a thought. Adam wished from the bottom of his heart that this wasn’t a new concept for Michael. He had come a long way from the person he had once been, but there was still so far to go. </p><p>“So you would like to see the mark?” Adam persisted. </p><p>“It’s not important,” Michael said with a sigh.</p><p>Adam was suddenly painfully reminded of how solitary every single one of Michael’s feelings had been, all of them had been meant to be given to others while being given nothing in return. The memory of it twisted inside Adam’s chest.  He had to change up his approach. </p><p>“Michael…” he started but he had no idea what to say. “You- You want me to be happy, right?”</p><p>Michael tilted his head in confusion. “Are you- are you not happy?” his tone was grave. </p><p>“Yes! Yes, I am,” Adam quickly countered. “What I mean is you want me to be happy and do the things I want to do, right?”</p><p>“Within the limits of your safety,” Michael said cautiously. They had just been talking about going to the Cage so Adam could see where he was coming from.</p><p>“And why do you want me to be happy?” </p><p>“Because I love you, and I care about your wellbeing,” Michael said as if it were the simplest thing. </p><p>Adam smiled again. “But you wouldn’t want me to be happy just for your sake, would you, you’d want me to be happy for my sake, right?” he asked. </p><p>“Kid, are you not happy?” Michael was looking at him sharply, the line of his jaw set.</p><p>“I am happy, Michael, very happy, trust me,” Adam assured him. “Just answer the question. </p><p>“Yes, I want you to be happy for yourself,” Michael said after a beat.</p><p> “And you do know that I love you too?” Was Adam’s next question. This question made Michael relax. </p><p>“Yes,” he said with a light breath. “I felt it.” Michael’s eyes were distant with those words, all the tension easing from his body. </p><p>Adam nodded. “So you can understand why I’d want you to do things that make you happy, not just for my sake? Because I love you just like you love me.” </p><p>Michael fell silent. He was looking at Adam’s face as if the secrets of the universe had been hidden into the curve of his mouth or the slope of his brow. Adam let him stare, though he was not sure if Michael could find what he was looking for. </p><p>“I had not considered that,” Michael said finally, he had turned his eyes away from Adam, looking at their joined hands.  </p><p>Adam could feel his heart shatter. He could feel anger bubbling inside his chest almost rising into words. Adam was angry at the world, angry at God. It wasn’t fair that Michael had never <em>considered</em> being happy for himself. It hurt Adam just to think about the long existence Michael had spent serving someone, who didn’t even care enough to save him from the Cage, much less ever ask if he was even happy.  </p><p>“You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Adam said when Michael remained unmoving. Adam was not going to be Michael’s new God, he was not going to tell him what to do or how to be happy. “I just wanted you to understand, Michael, that your happiness matters, not just for my sake, but because you <em>deserve</em> to be happy.” He squeezed Michael’s hand as tightly as he could. </p><p>Michael turned to look at him again, his face unreadable. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, you always do,” he murmured. “And you do know that you make me happy, kid, don’t you?” he continued, his tone carrying the full meaning of those words. </p><p>Adam smiled. “I do,” he answered. </p><p>Michael nodded with satisfaction and twisted their joined hands until he could see the symbols on Adam’s wrist. “I suppose, I could- I would like to see your mark if you’re sure you’ll be okay?” </p><p>Adam rolled his eyes. “So go do it then, I can handle a couple of minutes here,” he said gesturing to the still stunning view of the cabin. </p><p>“I’ll be right back,” Michael said the look in his eyes was heavy. </p><p>“Take your time,” Adam said, happy that Michael was doing this but preparing himself mentally for the quiet that was to come. </p><p>With one final look, Michael disappeared. Adam did feel his absence, after such a long time it felt like an actual gaping hole. Adam calmed himself. It did help that he was still wrapped in Michael’s memory, in here he was a presence still. </p><p>Michael took longer than Adam had thought. It was hard to measure time, but surely he should have been back by now, if everything was alright, if he was merely going to look at Adam’s wrist. Even if Lucifer tried something, but Michael had assured Adam he was strong enough now. There would be no problem. </p><p>Adam felt a knot of anxiety twist inside him. He took a deep breath of the warm summer air. He should try to remain calm, if he lost his shit now, Michael would never be comfortable leaving again. Adam took another breath and closed his eyes. He was fine, and maybe Michael had gotten so enamored by the actual mark that he was there staring at it. After all, if Michael could spend hours just staring at a face memory of the mark, the real mark had to be at least as appealing to him. </p><p>Adam had almost convinced himself that everything was fine when Michael appeared. </p><p>“Well, how was-” Adam started but as he turned to look at Michael the words died at his throat. Michael wasn’t moving. He had stilled again like he had when the Cage had weakened. </p><p>Adam felt panic blooming in his chest. “Michael?” he said jumping to his feet. “Michael, what’s wrong? Was the mark…?” Adam trailed off. He wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. Adam didn’t care what was on his wrist, but it had mattered to Michael. If the mark had somehow been different, would it change things, even after all this time? Adam wanted to believe it wouldn’t matter anymore, but now as he was looking at Michael he wasn't sure. </p><p>“Mark?” Michael sounded far away. He blinked, shifting back to wherever his thoughts had taken him. </p><p>“The soulmark?” Adam said his concern growing, what had Lucifer done?</p><p>“Oh, yes,” Michael said picking up Adam’s wrist and sliding his thumb over the mark. “It looks good on you, kid,” he continued closing his eyes. Michael still sounded off in a way that made Adam very nervous, but some of the weight lifted with that. </p><p>“Michael, what’s wrong, what did Lucifer do?”</p><p>Michael stilled again. “Lucifer will never do anything again,” he said in a flat tone. </p><p>“...Okay, I’m going to need a bit more than that,” Adam said his panic returning in force.</p><p>“I went to see your mark and he was gone.”</p><p>“What do you mean gone?”</p><p>“Gone, I searched the Cage but he’d been freed.”</p><p>“What?!” Adam said in alarm, his free arm rising to Michael’s shoulder. Adam wanted to shake him, this was serious. “Lucifer is free? The demons got him out?”</p><p>“It wasn’t demons,” Michael said, his eyes focusing on Adam’s face for the first time. “I sensed some things, some cracks where he had been called through.” Michael paused. “I sensed humans and an angel.”</p><p>“An angel?” Adam frowned that didn’t make sense.</p><p>“The Winchesters and Castiel.”</p><p>Adam felt a blackhole open in his chest. Sam and Dean had freed Lucifer before helping him? He couldn’t believe it. No matter how much Adam had stopped thinking about them as any brothers of his it was still a betrayal. Because any human freeing<em> Lucifer</em>, the Devil, before Adam would have been a betrayal. </p><p>“Well let’s hope they can keep him in check.” he heard himself say. It was a joke. Adam was at a loss. He had no idea what else he was supposed to say to that. Sam and Dean had freed Lucifer. He had slowly come to accept that being locked into the Cage had been the price to pay to save the world, but now Lucifer was free and Adam was still in the Cage. Sam and Dean had chosen Lucifer over him. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter anymore, Lucifer is dead,” Michael said his voice still flat. </p><p>“What?” Adam gripped Michael’s shoulder tighter. No matter how long Michael had spent hating what his brother had become, he had also loved him. Adam had felt it. No matter how much time had passed they had once been everything to one another. “Michael…” he trailed off. What was he supposed to say? Would Michael want condolences? For his part, Adam was not sorry to hear that Lucifer was gone, not after everything he had put Michael through. </p><p>“I didn’t even notice,” Michael said and Adam felt a pang as his voice faltered. “After- after we linked I was strong enough to block everything, my brother, everything that was happening on Earth, after Rapha- after... I didn’t want to know. I wanted to protect you, protect us. So I made us unreachable and hid and now- now I missed Lucifer escaping and they’re- they’re all dead now, all gone. Raphael. Gabriel. Lucifer. They’re all dead, I can <em>feel </em>it. They’re gone. I can feel the absence. It is there. Before they Were, I did not mind the emptiness, but now, I know the difference, I could always feel them, before, there was a place where they once were and now they’re- they’re not.” The words kept spilling and spilling out of Michael with no end until he cut himself off. </p><p>The silence that followed was full. Once again Adam was at a loss with what to do. How could he help with something like this? But he couldn’t just not do anything, not with Michael in that much pain. Without thinking about it too much Adam opted for the strategy he had used before. He hugged Michael. It was different this time. Now, there was no yanking or pulling. Now Adam was familiar with how they fit together, it was easy to just slide into place. Adam didn’t have to hesitate or second guess. Michael slumped against him. </p><p>“You’re all I have now.” The words were quiet whispered against Adam’s skin. Michael had said the same thing when he had found out about Raphael. That time it had been a steady declaration, now it was a soft murmur. Yet it felt heavier, more final, this time. Adam felt the words pressing into him, making a home in his chest. </p><p>People always talked about soulmates like they were supposed to be each other’s whole world, and it was so romantic. Those people, Adam thought, had never been someone’s everything. Adam loved Michael, loved him with his whole being, but that had never meant that he wanted to be Michael’s whole <em>everything</em>. And no matter how much he loved Michael, it was also scary that he was Adam’s everything too. His own brothers had officially abandoned Adam completely, forgotten him, they had come all the way to the Cage and gotten <em>Lucifer</em> out. And now it seemed Lucifer and Michael’s remaining brother Gabriel had both died, there was no one left for either of them. </p><p>“I’m here,” he said yet again. “We’re going to survive this,” Adam continued as Michael’s grip around him tightened. “It’s okay to cry.” Adam’s tone was low. He was talking to both Michael and himself.</p><p>*</p><p>Somehow, things went forward. Adam did his best to stop himself from going numb as he tried to handle this final betrayal of his so-called brothers. There had to be a reason, he told himself. Whatever type of people Sam and Dean were they weren’t evil. There must have been something that made them free Lucifer instead, maybe Lucifer had tricked them. Whatever the case was, Adam was at least glad that Lucifer was dead. Michael might mourn him, but at least Earth was safe. </p><p>Michael wasn’t the same as last time. He didn’t close off as he had. Before he had had Lucifer as a threat to distract him, to give him a goal. Now there was nothing like that. Now they were stuck in the Cage together, and Adam was as safe as he could possibly be. The only distractions available were those Adam could give him. And Adam did try. It was important that Michael did not drown in his grief. So they played cards, games, they sang, and did pretty much everything Adam could think of, he even got Michael to teach him some Enochian. By now Adam was a pro at distractions. </p><p>The Enochian lessons were his favorite. Before Adam hadn’t wanted to focus on it because of his mark, now it added a motive, because Michael still refused to tell how his name was actually spelled. Adam was sure he could weasel it out of him, or even push his way back into his body if he really wanted to, but the little shift of Michael’s mouth and the way his eyes softened as he looked at Adam’s incorrect mark, made him a bit hesitant to even learn it. What was the harm really? Besides he didn’t have the energy to worry about it during lessons when he was trying to learn a language where the expressions of time and place were complicated by the fact that it was mostly spoken by multidimensional beings with the capability to time travel. </p><p>Michael seemed to enjoy the lessons too, for the most part. Sometimes he would begin a story he couldn’t finish, there were times when he could not even say his brothers' names. But usually, Enochian lessons offered Michael a safe context to talk about Heaven in a way that did not hurt too much, he had a rope he could pull on before he sank too deep into his memories. </p><p>Not all days were great, however. There were days Michael would feel the weight of everything he had lost too heavily. There were days Adam felt it too, days when his mom, his friends, his <em>life</em> would press on him impossible to bear. Michael tended to withdraw into himself those days. He would not leave, though Adam said he could if he ever needed to, but he tended to pull away and get more space. Adam did give him space but he never went far. He would always stay in the room, somewhere Michael could see him, see he was safe, and come closer if he wanted to. Sometimes he did sometimes he didn’t. Adam would sometimes fill the silence. He would talk to Michael, going through his memories or listing his very obscure opinions no one had ever cared for before, sometimes Adam tried out his Enochian. From the first word it was easy to see if this was a good move or not, Michael would either flinch at the language of his brothers or cling to every sound for comfort.</p><p> When Adam was sad, Michael stuck to him like glue. He would keep touching Adam, reminding him he wasn’t alone. Michael wouldn’t speak, he would find one of the albums Adam liked and turn the volume up or he would simply pull Adam close and sing to him. Michael did have an ear for melodies and he had learned a couple of Adam’s favorite songs, or when Michael himself could bear it, he would sing in Enochian like he had done with his brothers. These were Adam’s favorite. </p><p>And then there were days they were both angry. Angry that they were still there, after everything. Adam could not believe that people who had once called him family had freed Lucifer from the Cage but not him. Adam could not understand it, how would it be easier to deal with Lucifer than Michael? The Winchesters had never liked Michael, but Lucifer was <em>Lucifer. </em>But mostly Adam had no energy to be angry. It didn’t get him anywhere. </p><p>Michael was furious with the Winchesters. To him, who had no family left now, Sam and Dean choosing to abandon theirs was rage-inducing. Sometimes the emotions were too large for words, sometimes they were not and Adam learned a lot of Enochian insults. Adam felt touched by Michael’s anger on his behalf, if he had to guess it mirrored the feelings Adam now held for God, which was a strange thing to think about. Michael was angry at the Winchesters but he was never angry at his brothers, at his Father. Michael’s loyalty to his Father held steady still. He had not completely let go of the hope that his Father would free them. As gently as he could Adam tried to help him do so. The longer Michael hoped the more it would hurt. </p><p>Adam had slowly accepted the crushing reality that they were never getting out of the Cage. No one was coming for them. And he was mostly okay with that these days. He had Michael, that was enough. Would he have liked to meet Michael under different circumstances? Sure. But it was hard to imagine another circumstance that would have allowed them to get to know each other as they had, and Adam chose to see the positive, it was the only way to survive. But even with Michael by his side, it was hard to think that this would be the rest of his life. </p><p> But Adam moved on the best he could. There were times he was truly happy in the Cage, and those would have to do. He could only hope they would do for Michael as well. Michael seemed to have accepted his current situation. He did not go into the Cage anymore, he did not try to reach the outside world. Adam knew that he was afraid of losing even more. From what he had said Heaven’s forces were shrinking, there weren’t many angels left anymore. So Michael didn’t want to face the next horror that was to come, while he was in here unable to do anything. Adam could not exactly blame him for it.  </p><p>Once, Michael seemed to have sensed something from the outside, but he let it pass with a shrug. When Adam questioned him about it, Michael just said that it couldn’t be what he thought, that it did not matter. But it clearly did. Michael became distracted and seemed to sink into his thoughts more and more.</p><p>“Go check it out, I know it bothers you,” Adam insisted. </p><p>Michael opened his mouth, clearly to argue about leaving Adam alone. Adam looked at him expectantly raising his eyebrows. Michael just sighed, but he wasn’t annoyed, his lips curled into that little smile that meant he found Adam amusing. </p><p>Michael lifted Adam’s hand to his face and pressed a small kiss on Adam’s soulmark. “Be right back,” he said and disappeared. </p><p>This time Michael did not take long. He manifested back into the same spot after what had felt like a few seconds. </p><p>He was staring at Adam, his eyes wide. “The Cage is open.” </p><p>“What?” Adam said, he must have misheard. </p><p>“The Cage, it has been opened,” Michael repeated. </p><p>“What?! How?” Adam said before he even understood his own words. </p><p>“I don’t-I don’t know,” Michael said.</p><p>Adam could not believe it. The Cage was open, they could get out. Out, into the real world. This could not be real.  But there was no denying Michael’s shining eyes, the smile that was splitting his face. </p><p> Adam let out a breathy laugh. “Let’s go then.”</p><p>Michael nodded. “I wanted to warn you, just in case the flight is unsteady. Hell is not easy to fly in. I’ll pull you out once we’re on Earth.”</p><p>Adam watched Michael disappear again and tried to gather his racing thoughts. The Cage was open. He paced through his living room unable to hold still. He was getting out. Out of the memories, he looked around the house, with just a tinge of nostalgia. It would be an adjustment again. </p><p>After what felt both like a few minutes and a century, Adam felt the memoryscape fade around him. There was darkness, the feeling of Michael around him, and then, he could feel he could see. They were standing in an old cemetery. Adam’s lungs breathed in real actual air, and he looked up at the blue sky. At the same time, it felt unreal and impossible and the most real sensation Adam had felt since Michael had first possessed him. The ground under him was real, the wind ghosting his skin was real. Adam let out a laugh and husky sound coming out of his dry throat startled him. </p><p>He could feel Michael inside his body burning bright. He was happy too, but also cautious, something had let them out. Michael did not feel his Father around so he did not want to linger. </p><p>Adam felt his joy shatter. Was Michael going to press him down again? With only a few seconds of freedom in him, Adam felt ill at the idea of going back to the memoryscape now. </p><p><em>You’re not going back there</em>, Michael said quickly. He was reading Adam’s mind. </p><p><em>This is weird,</em> Adam thought and apparently Michael heard that too, as he was suddenly standing next to Adam on the grass, wearing Adam’s face again. </p><p>“Better?” he asked. </p><p>Adam looked quickly around. </p><p>“No one else can see me, or hear either of us when we talk,” Michael assured him. </p><p>“Oh,” Adam said relieved. “Yeah, this works.”</p><p>Michael smiled. “You don’t have to worry, kid, I’m not putting you back to sleep, you just have to release the controls for me. We’ll just share,” Michael assured him. Adam felt warmth spreading inside him. They would do this together. </p><p>“If you show me how,” Adam said, he had no idea what releasing the controls meant. </p><p>“Just relax,” Michael said and disappeared from Adam’s side. </p><p>Adam could feel him inside their body again. Michael was nudging Adam to <em>move</em>, and Adam tried to follow his lead, then he felt a nudge to sort of move sideways and found himself surrounded by Michael, no longer in control, but still seeing and hearing what was going on.</p><p><em>You good, kid?</em> Michael asked. </p><p><em>Yeah</em>, Adam said, trying to get used to the sensation. </p><p><em>We should leave,</em> Michael said. </p><p><em>Where to?</em> Adam asked. He hadn’t even begun to think about what to do next. </p><p><em>What do you want to do?</em> Michael asked.</p><p>Adam had no idea, so he said the first thing that came into his head. <em>I could eat.</em> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And they're out:D This and ch7 were just going to be one chapter, but then I realized I had to kill of Michael's entire family... So there is one more to go! In the mean time please tell me what you guys thought of this one :)</p><p> I honestly don't know what I am going to do with myself once this fic is over D: This has been such an experience for me thank you to everyone who has kept reading or left kudos and comments &lt;3</p><p>If anyone has any other angel cliches for me to write please tell me here or on <a href="https://tuometarr.tumblr.com">tumblr</a>!</p><p>The final chapter should be out next Wednesday or Saturday the latest.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter 7! The final one! </p><p>I do have a few things to say:</p><p>1.A final reminder that while I have seen 15x08 more times than I care to admit, I still have no idea what is going on in canon, and it may be apparent in this chapter.</p><p>2.A lot of this chapter has its events and dialogue lifted from 15x08.</p><p>3. I don’t know what I can even say to Anna and <a href="https://almostwritingdragon.tumblr.com">@almostwritingdragon</a>, after everything they have done for me and for this fic. Thank you for coming on this journey with me, my friends.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It didn't truly hit Adam until he was standing on a sidewalk next to a diner. They were <em>out.</em> He was in the real world, surrounded by other <em>real</em> people. The man passing them pushing a stroller was a human being living a normal life. Everything was as vivid and buzzing and as alive as Michael’s memories had been except these weren’t past moments frozen in loops, time was truly passing as Adam stood there filling his lungs with the city air. It felt impossible to be standing there. His head was spinning.</p><p>A woman passed them and flashing a quick polite smile, Adam’s mouth twitched as he copied the gesture. He had spent such a long time outside his own body that even using his facial muscles felt strange. He didn’t know how to be a human anymore. As he could taste the blazing energy of Michael in every breath he took, normal life seemed like a far-away thought. It comforted Adam, as odd as it was. He wasn’t alone. </p><p><em>Kid?</em> came Michael’s voice, with a tinge of worry.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah?</em>
</p><p><em>Aren’t we going to go in?</em> Michael asked. </p><p>Adam realized they had probably been standing in front of the diner a suspicious amount of time. He took one final deep breath and told his stiff legs to move. His hands shook a bit as he touched the solid plastic of the door handle. </p><p>*</p><p>Adam was very tongue-tied when he spoke to the waitress taking his order. It was hard to use his mouth to form words. It was hard to believe he was talking to someone who wasn’t Michael. It was weird to look into a face and see no hint of the being hiding underneath it. Adam had automatically started to look for hints of it before he realized that there was nothing to be found, that the lady asking him what kind of fries he wanted was not an infinite celestial being in disguise. She was human, she had the tics and mannerisms of a human. Tics and mannerisms Adam wasn’t sure he fully possessed anymore. He tried not to focus on that, instead turning his thoughts onto the feast that was ahead of him. </p><p>Adam had had the forethought to check how much money they were carrying and then happily spend it all on a pizza and a burger and <em>french fries</em>. His mouth was watering at the thought. It was no wonder, as Adam checked the date from the newspaper, it had been a decade since he had last eaten. His stomach twisted at the thought, but there was no pang of hunger. It was a good thing Michael could keep him alive without food or he would have been dead long ago. </p><p>Looking around the diner they had ended up in, it was not hard to notice that time had passed. The diner might have had the same decor for at least two decades but the people were different. Everyone was dressed differently and acting differently too. Adam caught snippets of conversations full of words he could not understand, people kept looking down at these flat little boxes that to his curiosity and alarm seemed to be phones. He tried to observe it all without making it too obvious that he was staring. Michael, who had appeared on the other side of the booth, paid the place little attention, only giving it a once-over before his eyes returned to Adam. He was smiling that smile that always made Adam almost unable to look at him. </p><p>One thing that had not changed, Adam noted dryly, was the fact that people still covered their marks. Adam’s bare wrist had already received a few glances, a girl at the door had clearly been eyeing the symbols with poorly hidden curiosity. Adam’s wrist band had apparently been left in the Cage, and Michael didn’t seem to be too sorry about it. </p><p>Every single time someone’s eyes stayed a bit too long on his wrist, Adam could see Michael’s smile taking a sharper edge. The exposed mark didn’t bother Adam as much as it probably should have. He quickly came to realize that there was a huge difference between having a strange mark his classmates whispered about behind his back and having a strange mark his angel soulmate liked to stare at.  </p><p>The waitress barely gave Adam’s bare wrist a look when she brought the burger over. Adam smiled at her but his eyes remained on the burger.  He almost feared the burger would slip through his fingers when he picked it up. The bun felt warm and soft beneath his fingers. It could not be real. He took a bite. It was real. Flavors like Adam could not remember burst on his tongue. It was amazing. </p><p>“You know that stuff will kill you, right?” Michael cocked his head looking at Adam’s reaction.</p><p>“Worth it,” Adam mumbled, his mouth still full. “Michael, I haven't seen a burger in 10 years.”</p><p>Michael picked up a french fry and let out an amused huff. “Go for it, kid.”</p><p>“You know, I know I don't need to eat. It just tastes so damn good,” Adam said between bites. He hadn’t realized just how much he had missed food. He had eaten sometimes in the memoryscape, but even he had been able to tell it wasn’t right. The taste had been exactly what he remembered it to be, which became a problem the more he forgot. His memory hadn’t done burgers justice. </p><p>“I wouldn't know,” Michael smiled but there was something tight in his voice. “I don't know much about any of this.” He turned to look at the crowd surrounding them, his smile slipped into a frown. Adam swallowed slowly as he noticed the lost look on Michael’s face. If he felt like a fish out of water being back on earth, he couldn’t even imagine what it must feel like for Michael. Adam could cling to the familiarity of burgers and pizzas and the fact that he knew at least mostly how society functioned, Michael had none of that. Everything he had known was gone, his brothers were gone, Heaven as he had known it was gone. Michael had never spent that much time on Earth, he was a stranger to it. </p><p>“You'll be my guide.” Michael turned back to face Adam, some of his tension easing. </p><p>Adam smiled back. He would do what he could to make this transition easier for both of them even though, having been gone for so long, he really shouldn’t be anyone’s guide. But Michael trusted him, needed him, and Adam would not fail him. They would do this together. As the world had moved on, they were all each other had even out of the Cage, at least Adam thought so. But then Adam remembered Heaven. Would Michael want to return? He was a creature of duty after all, and between duty and love, Adam could not be sure which one he’d go for. </p><p>Adam distracted himself with the pizza’s arrival.</p><p>He had to remain calm, the last thing he wanted to do was guilt trip Michael into staying. He would not be any kind of burden to Michael in their freedom. Now that they were out of the Cage Michael was free to choose. Michael could leave him. Adam would survive it, he told himself. He wouldn’t do it well, but he would survive. Adam would not become the person that made Michael do things he didn’t want to do. But did Michael <em>want </em>to go to Heaven, or did he feel like he should? Michael couldn’t <em>want </em>to leave Adam, not after everything. That at least Adam could take comfort in. </p><p>Adam picked up the oregano and willed his voice to be steady. “So, what about you? You gonna go back to Heaven?”  The words were casual, but Adam couldn’t bring himself to look at Michael as he said them. He was offering Michael an out if he wanted it. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Michael took it. He’d at least want to know <em>why</em> Michael was leaving. Adam would not let him just return, Michael was so much more than just a Good Son. </p><p>“Oh, I don't know. My brothers are dead. My father never returned. In so many ways, I'm alone.” Michael said looking at the table. The words laced with that stretching blankness Michael used when he didn’t want to sound hurt. Adam wanted to reach for him, but then he realized that Michael wasn’t fully solid anymore. Instead, he reached inside with his soul, pressing more directly against Michael’s grace. He was here.</p><p>As terrible as hearing Michael use that tone was, Adam was relieved. He was happy. Michael was staying.  “Yeah. Same here.” Adam said lifting his eyes to meet Michael’s. “It's not like I have family waiting to see me.” It’s an offer again, spoken more indirectly this time. It was harder to say the words here, in a room full of people. What was there left to say, really? Michael knew how he felt. </p><p>“You have the Winchesters, your brothers,” Michael said tilting his head. </p><p>Adam recognized the intent behind the words. He did not like hearing Sam or Dean being called his brothers, but he didn’t linger on it.  Michael was offering him an out. Adam wanted to roll his eyes. “I met them once. And they let me rot in hell,” he said lifting his chin. Adam was not leaving, certainly not for the Winchesters.</p><p>“Family,” Michael hummed. </p><p>Adam thought of John and Sam and Dean, and that concept of family which had made them all make promises they would not keep, how Adam had been” family” when it had been convenient, and then not really when it came down to it. There was this fake obligation to pretend to care that could not last. That was not what he and Michael had. </p><p>“Family sucks,” Adam declared with a bitter undertone. </p><p>Michael didn’t respond to that, and Adam turned his attention back to his pizza. He felt lighter now. He wished he could hold Michael’s hand as he had done in the memoryscape. It would take some getting used to, sharing a physical body. But there were benefits as well, Adam could feel Michael, the expanse of him. There was still something electric about feeling his soul just pressed against Michael’s grace. He was definitely not alone. </p><p>So what next then? Adam mulled it over in his head while he ate. He was probably legally missing if not declared dead. There was no way to go back home given that he hadn’t really aged at all. The thought of returning to Windom also made Adam’s chest tight. He didn’t want to see the house for real, to see how the world had moved on without him. So maybe he should try to move on too. </p><p>Michael did not seem too impressed by the idea of Adam taking some sort of a job, but they would need money, and Adam didn’t trust Michael’s ability to snap things into existence with something like bank accounts. The conversation was abruptly cut short when  Adam could feel a hand on his shoulder and looked up at a young girl. As Michael tensed, Adam’s smile slipped away. Something was wrong.  Michael pushed Adam to safety, taking control.</p><p>From behind Michael, Adam could see the true face of the thing, and it made him grimace. “Hello, Michael,” the thing said. It was grating for Adam to see the movement of the human face and the true face at the same time. </p><p>“Lilith,” Michael grumbled with contempt in his voice. “You're dead.” he continued. Adam could feel Michael’s mind whirling in confusion. Lilith shouldn't be alive, she had died long ago. And she certainly shouldn’t be approaching them. </p><p>“Was.” Lilith corrected sounding satisfied. “Now I'm back, baby. And I've been sent to fetch you,” she continued sliding down to the empty side of the booth. </p><p>“I'm not accustomed to being fetched.” Michael tensed, how did she dare to speak to him? “Who sent you?”</p><p>“You have to ask?” Your daddy.” Lilith leaned in sounding amused. Michael didn’t back down. He stilled. Lilith couldn’t be implying that… -”God. Yeah,” she continued. “He'd like a word.”</p><p>“You're lying,” Adam could feel Michael’s anger and disgust bubbling just under the surface. It was incomprehensible to him, how Lilith would dare to come here and tell such obvious lies. </p><p>Lilith talked on, and Michael got more and more confused. Was God really back? Why would He send <em>her</em>? Michael would certainly not listen to her. Lilith could sense it too, an undercurrent of desperation coloring her voice.</p><p>“Michael,” she said sternly and grabbed their wrist. Their right wrist. “ I can't fail him.” she continued with meaning. Neither Michael nor Adam heard her. Lilith’s fingers were pressing right onto Adam’s <em>mark</em>. Adam curled away from the contact. It had been a long time since anyone had laid hands on Adam’s body, Adam’s mark. And now it was <em>Lilith.</em> </p><p>Rage sizzled in Michael’s grace like a wildfire. His first reflex, feeling Lilith’s touch, had been to reach for the power ruminating just under the surface. It would have taken no effort to smite this entire town along with Lilith, Adam could feel it, as Michael’s grace wrapped tighter around his soul. But as Michael reached out for him, feeling Adam’s soul just next to him he also seemed to notice the other human souls around them. Michael reined himself in before <em>burning </em>Lilith out of existence. It was one single lightning bolt instead of a thunderstorm. </p><p>There was a bright flash as Lilith was turned to ash. But as they looked around after the blast, Adam was thankful to see that nothing else had suffered damage. Every other person in the diner was alive, frozen still with shock. There was silence filled with many held breaths as the other patrons tried to grasp for understanding. Adam saw the fear in their wide eyes. Michael looked around as if just now registering that all of them had been able to see that. Adam could feel his uncertainty, Michael had never bothered to leave witnesses before. </p><p><em>Can you erase their memories? </em>he suggested to Michael, who was clearly at a loss with what to do about the frightened crowd. </p><p>“Remember nothing,” Michael mumbled and snapped his fingers. And all went back to normal as the memory was wiped away. </p><p>Michael pushed himself back onto the seat, still disturbed. </p><p><em>Michael?</em> Adam asked.</p><p><em>I don’t know what is going on,</em> Michael said pushing the cake Lilith had touched farther away. <em>Someone opened the Cage, I assumed it was my Father that my Father had returned, but why would he send </em>Lilith<em> to get me? Why not one of my brothers? I don’t understand.</em></p><p><em>I don’t know,</em> Adam searched for what more to say. <em>We’ll figure out what’s going on. We’ve been gone for a long time, things have changed, maybe your Father has too.</em></p><p>Michael simply huffed at that. No matter how long it had been he still did not take criticism of his Father well. So Adam tried to be gentle about it, but now there was no escaping the situation. He wouldn’t let Michael just return to his father as if nothing had happened. Michael deserved better, and if no one else was going to Adam would make sure he got it.</p><p><em>We should go,</em> Michael said. <em>There could be more lying demons around. </em>Lilith had caught them off guard and it bothered him. </p><p>They jumped around a bit to make sure nothing was following them.<em> Where to next, kid?</em> Michael asked once satisfied. </p><p>And so Adam said the next thing that came to his mind. He wanted to see the Pyramids as they were. </p><p>*</p><p>It was there, standing in the warm sunshine, as Adam was looking at the structures now touched by time, where they heard Castiel reaching out, praying. It was actually funny to see how indignant Michael was about Castiel of all angels still being alive. It didn’t help Michael’s mood that Castiel confirmed that God was around and declared him to be an enemy.</p><p><em>We should at least hear what he has to say, </em>Adam said after a moment of consideration. No matter how many times Michael called him an insignificant pest, Castiel had pulled off some major maneuvers. It wouldn’t be smart just to ignore him. <em>He has been around all this time, and even if he lies it will be useful to know where he stands. </em>They needed to find out what was going on, he knew it and Michael knew it.</p><p>Michael still didn’t like it, he would not be fetched by Lilith or by Castiel.</p><p><em>Plus, he is most likely still with Sam and Dean and we both know that those assholes aren’t going to quit until we at least hear them out, so better to just get it over with. </em>He tried again. Adam didn’t know how to feel about possibly meeting the Winchesters after everything. But to get information and just maybe helping to keep Michael away from God, he would go. </p><p>It was weird to hear a mental sigh. Michael knew Adam was right. </p><p><em>Just let me do the talking, okay kid? I don’t want them around you,</em> Michael insisted. His tone was covered with steel. Lilith had managed to lay a hand on Adam, Michael was still on-edge about it. Adam realized that even out of the Cage, there were dangers, and as long as there were dangers Michael would want to be a bit stupid and protective. Well, it wasn’t like he was that anxious for family time with Sam and Dean. </p><p>It was a terrible idea, Adam knew that already. Michael was not going into this willing to listen. But at least he would go.</p><p>*</p><p>Castiel was waiting in an empty warehouse. “Thank you,” he started. “Thank you for coming. Do you remember me?” </p><p>“You called "ass-butt" and set me on fire. And then you helped send me to Hell.” Michael’s tone was already hostile. <em>Remember what we are here for</em>, Adam called out. They were there for information, and to stop Castiel for reaching out again, not to fight. Though as Adam looked at Castiel through Michael’s eyes and felt the power ebbing and flowing barely underneath, he knew that Michael would not back down if Castiel made the wrong move. </p><p>“I did,” Castiel said solemnly. No regret. That did not help things. </p><p>“And now what? You’ve come to tell me that God, my Father, creator of all things, is my enemy?” Michael said with an incredulous tone.  “Or maybe you just came to beg forgiveness,” he continued, Michael was gearing up, Adam could feel it. He wrapped himself tighter around Adam’s soul. More protection from the upcoming angel slap fest.  </p><p>“Oh, I didn't come to beg,” Castiel said and flipped a lighter, lighting a circle of holy oil. Michael had not been quick enough to fly away, too caught up in the anger Castiel’s words had induced. </p><p>They were trapped. Adam could feel Michael panic as his power suddenly cut off and he was once again isolated from everything. And it was by <em>holy oil and fire</em>. Michael had not forgotten how it felt to be set aflame. <em>Michael,</em> he called, just to calm him, to remind him that he wasn’t alone, they were not in the Cage. They needed to remain calm. Michael was still looking at the flames, he could feel their searing heat, near their skin, near <em>Adam’s</em> skin. <em>Michael,</em> Adam called again. Michael’s panic was now piercing through him. </p><p>Michael was pulled from his spiral by the entrance of Sam and Dean. They seemed to have no reaction to seeing Michael in Adam’s body. Sam and Dean didn’t know Adam was still in there, as far as they knew they were looking at Adam’s <em>corpse</em> and there was not even a flicker of emotion. Michael’s panic was forgotten in a wave of rage as he looked at them. If he had been out of the circle, the Winchesters would have been dead.  </p><p>Dean lifted up a pair of handcuffs for them to see. They meant nothing to Adam, but Michael’s reaction told enough, the handcuffs were meant to block his power. Adam felt his own anger ignite. They had been lured here, and now they were going to <em>trap</em> Michael, knowing what he had been through the last decade. This had all been a trap, there had been no idea of peaceful negotiation, no idea to help Michael after all this time. If Adam had been out of the circle, Dean would have had a bloody nose. </p><p>“Castiel, what have you done?” Michael said, glaring at his brethren. Castiel didn’t even flinch. </p><p>*</p><p>Adam itched to take control and sink his fist into Dean’s face as he cuffed them, but Michael kept him veiled from notice, safe. From the corner of his eye, Adam saw Castiel noticing his soulmark, reading it. He went still, eyes flickering to the face Michael was trying to keep calm and passive. Castiel opened his mouth to say something but then turned away, shaking his head. </p><p>Even Adam could feel the cuffs closing up, suppressing Michael’s powers. It felt suffocating like they were breathing through a straw. He felt a flicker of fear in Michael as he latched all his grace on to Adam’s soul. They were vulnerable now. Vulnerable and in the hands of the Winchesters. </p><p>Adam let himself be cocooned by Michael’s grace. They were in this together. He would not let them hurt Michael anymore than Michael would let them hurt him. Adam focused and reached for <em>Michael</em>, like he had felt Michael do during the linking. He didn’t even need to search, Michael was ready to pull Adam in. Their combined power pushed through, making the cuffs a little less unbearable. Power hummed in their connection, constant and stable. </p><p>Castiel must have sensed something as he eyed Michael suspiciously. Adam could feel how much Michael wished to just snap his fingers and make them all explode. But he wasn’t sure there was enough power yet, and he didn’t know where the key to the handcuffs was. </p><p>So Michael let them be taken. They were led to a large room with tables and bookshelves. It was too large to be Bobby’s house. Even with the handcuffs on him, Michael sensed that the place was full of magical items and heavily warded. </p><p>The ensuing conversation went about as well as could be expected, which was to say it was a total shit show. Once they got past the inevitable posturing, neither Michael nor the Winchesters and Castiel were willing to listen. Michael was confused about his Father's actions but that did not mean he was willing to trust any of them. There had not been even a mention of Adam, which had Michael seething. It did hurt, and with their connection, Adam could not hide just how much.  He had known that Sam and Dean did not give a rats ass about him, but it was different to actually see it. Adam was kind of curious as to what Sam and Dean would say if confronted with what they had done. </p><p> “You're asking me to trust you- you, who doomed me, you, who let Lucifer walk free while your own brother sat in hell.” Michael spat out angrily. </p><p>Both Sam and Dean tensed. There was a pause of silence, and then Sam spoke softly: “Doing what we do, we've had to get used to losing people. Probably too used to it. With Adam, we said goodbye because we thought we had to. We were wrong.” </p><p>That was it? Not enough, not nearly enough. </p><p><em>I want to talk to them,</em> Adam said.</p><p><em>I’ll do the talking, </em>Michael protested. </p><p><em>I want them to have to say that to my face</em>, Adam countered bitterness lacing his thoughts. He wanted to hurt them, if not physically, then emotionally. He wanted to force Sam and Dean to look at him.</p><p>Michael relented. </p><p>“Well, don't tell me. Tell him,” Michael said and watched Sam’s face twist in confusion. </p><p>Adam pushed himself forward. He could now feel the cool metal against the skin of his wrists, the hard chair he was sitting on. Michael hovered just behind him, ready to pounce if needed. “Hey, Sam. Dean.” Adam took delight in how casual he managed to sound. Here he was, the brother they had forgotten. </p><p>“Adam?” Sam whispered in disbelief. </p><p>“Ha!” Adam said with a chuckle, Sam was looking at him in horror, it was probably hitting him just how much they had failed. </p><p>“Wait, Mic- Michael lets you talk? I mean, he lets you be?” Dean was looking at him as if Adam couldn’t be real.</p><p>“Uh, yeah.” Adam nodded. “In the Cage, we came to an agreement. We only had each other,” It was simplifying a lot of things but Adam didn’t think he and his brothers were at the braid-each-other’s-hair-and-talk-about-soulmates stage.  </p><p>“Adam, look, I know we bailed on you, okay, and there is nothing that we can say to fix that,” Dean said, his face tight. </p><p>Adam sighed, they weren’t even going to try, were they? “How about, uh "I'm sorry"?” There was no point talking to the Winchesters, there was nothing they could do to fix the past and they didn’t even seem that eager to try. It was stupid that Adam was still hurt by it. </p><p>As soon as Adam felt the first pang in his chest, Michael was stepping forward, shielding him, pushing Adam away from the raw hurt. Sending waves of comfort through their bond. </p><p>Adam didn’t resist being pulled back, there was nothing left to say. He was done with Sam and Dean. He tried his best to be done, and just focus on the conversation happening as if those weren’t his half-brothers who had left him in Hell. The conversation was not going well. Michael, now even angrier on Adam’s behalf, was not willing to listen to the Winchesters badmouthing his father, and they weren’t exactly offering up winning arguments. The only thing Michael seemingly took from the conversation was the fact that his Father was indeed back and he had opened the Cage, the rest was disregarded as bitter lies.  </p><p>Adam watched as Michael just got more and more riled up. He chose to pull Michael back before things escalated.  “Hey. It's Adam,” he interrupted before Michael started a physical fight. “I'd give it a rest. He's not listening.”</p><p>Sam, Dean, and Castiel all seemed disturbed by the ease with which they had changed places. Or were they surprised that Michael didn’t take kindly to being kidnapped? Adam only smiled. Were they really surprised that Michael wasn’t being cooperative after the shit they had pulled?</p><p>Sam cleared his throat. “Right, well, Adam.” There was a silence. Adam felt bad for Sam in a way. He would be at a loss for words too if he had been rescued from hell twice while Sam had been left there for a decade.</p><p> “I don’t- uh, I know what we did, it can’t…” more silence. Sam didn’t seem to be able to take his eyes off him. “At least take this,” he finally managed, offering a leather band similar to the one he was wearing. “So you can be more comfortable,” he continued. Adam tensed up at Michael’s instinctive reaction of <em>burning</em> Sam for daring to suggest that Adam should cover up his mark. </p><p><em>Relax, he is being considerate,</em> Adam said to him, and shook his head at Sam. </p><p>“No thanks,” he said out loud. “We don’t need it,” he continued at Sam’s frown. </p><p>“I’m sorry, <em>we</em>?” Dean asked, lifting his eyebrows. He turned to Castiel for a confirmation. “<em>We</em>?”</p><p>Adam frowned, looking at Dean. It had been ten years, surely Dean had sorted things out by now. But one look at Dean’s face and Castiel’s averted eyes told a different story. </p><p>Adam rolled his eyes, of course, Dean could not get his shit together. “Yes, <em>we</em>.” Adam stretched his lips into a smile. “So, thanks Sam, but no need <em>here</em>.” Adam was still looking at Dean. He knew it was childish, but at least he had something Sam and Dean didn’t. He could also feel the satisfaction emanating from Michael. “They can choose us, with or without marks,” his tone dropped into something more serious. Dean had no right to presume Michael could not love. Adam knew now just how wrong Dean had been, just how full of love angels were. He lifted his chin, as Dean’s nostrils flared and his mouth fell silently open. “Now why don’t you all leave <em>us</em> be, he’s not going to listen to anything you say anyway,” Adam continued when it became clear that Dean was beyond words. </p><p>“Yeah that’s- yeah let’s do that,” Sam said trying really hard not to look at Adam’s wrist now. Dean was still gaping at Adam as his brother pulled him from the room. Castiel was walking ahead, shoulders tense.  </p><p>Adam tried to get his thoughts in order while Michael let his anger simmer down.  As far as he could see it, something was off with God. He was already biased against God, but even ignoring that there was the fact that it was <em>Lilith</em> that had been sent to fetch Michael. Sam and Dean were assholes, but as much as Adam hated to admit it, they also had a knack for knowing what was going on. They wouldn’t have done something like this without a reason, they certainly wouldn’t be asking Michael’s help if there was any other choice.  </p><p>So while it went sorely against the grain, there was no ignoring their information. Convincing Michael of that was another matter entirely. He still didn’t like it when Adam spoke ill of his Father,  but he would listen at least. Whatever Sam and Dean said was doomed to make Michael believe the exact opposite out of sheer stubbornness.  </p><p>
  <em>Michael, we need to talk about this</em>
</p><p>Michael appeared again, looking at Adam expectantly. His shoulders were tense, irritation still on his face, Adam knew it was going to be difficult. But if there was a chance Michael could see some of the flaws of his father, Adam had to try.  </p><p>“So, I've been thinking. Maybe they're not lying,” Adam started. </p><p>That did not go over well, Michael did not want to entertain the possibility of his Father’s flaws. But Adam tried his best to get through to him. They had spent almost a decade talking, Adam knew how to avoid the blow up the Winchesters had gotten. The connection also helped, they could each feel each other’s sincerity. Michael knew Adam only wanted to help. It hurt watching Michael work so hard to still, still, defend his Father. Adam could understand why Michael was scared of questioning his Father, Lucifer had lost everything doing it, he remembered the fear shadowing Michael’s love for his Father, as it was now clear on his face. But unfortunately, there was no time to be gentle about it. </p><p>Their conversation was cut short when they heard footsteps approaching. </p><p><em>Let me, it’s Castiel. </em>Michael said when he took control. Adam moved back readily. He didn’t hold out much hope but maybe, just maybe, another angel could better explain God’s change. </p><p>“Adam?” Castiel called when he stepped in. </p><p>“Not this time,” Michael said, turning to face him.  “I'll spare you the effort. I'm not gonna betray my Father and everything I've believed in.” </p><p>“Why not? You know, he betrayed you.” Castiel said, he sounded tired. Adam suspected he knew very well there was no removing Michael’s faith in his Father like this. “You know, Michael, I never really liked you. Even when I was just another angel, I thought you were too haughty, too- To paraphrase a friend, you had an entire oak tree shoved up your ass.” Castiel continued, walking in. Adam cringed at the words. Why were they all like this? How did they think talking like that was going to get them anywhere except at the other end of Michael’s murderous stare?” </p><p>“But now? I'm looking at you, and I- I just pity you. Because you were never God's favorite. You were just a little part of his story, a tiny part of his story. You weren't even a star. At least Lucifer knew that God can't be trusted. But I guess he was always the smart one.” Apparently Castiel was not done. Michael was twitching, his anger rising with each word.  Castiel really shouldn’t have mentioned Lucifer. </p><p>Adam could feel it coming when Michael grabbed Castiel and shoved him headfirst into the table. Adam had never in his life been in a real fight, but Michael was a warrior. He did not flinch away from the sound of Castiel thumping against the table the way Adam did. He had no problem pulling Castiel over the table onto the floor. Adam was scrambling while Michael calmly pulled Castiel between his handcuffed arms and began to choke him. Castiel was clawing at Michael’s hands gasping for breath.</p><p>Michael showed no intention of easing his grip. He was going to take Castiel out, kill him if he could.</p><p><em>Michael, Michael,</em> Adam called frantically. He knew what it was like to have his lungs explode in pain, what it was like to die. He didn’t want to- he couldn’t-</p><p>Adam’s calls seemed to distract Michael just enough to give Castiel an opening, one he immediately used. “See the truth for yourself,” Castiel croaked out both of his hands pressing the sides of Michael’s head. </p><p>Something was being forced in. Adam could see it as clearly as Michael. It overtook them, there was no room for anything else. They could see everything, everything God had done. It had all been for the story, for fun, for entertainment. Michael had loved his father, given everything, done everything for him, and it hadn’t mattered at all, as soon as he was no longer “driving the plot” he had been left in the Cage, forgotten. Just another useless piece, not worth attention.</p><p>The blow hit them hard, Adam could feel Michael crumbling under it. He had never mattered, everything he had done, all useless. He had been a <em>pawn. </em>He had been made to fight Lucifer, his brother, for entertainment. His Father had enjoyed watching it all play out. All that they had suffered. God had never cared for any of them, not Raphael, not Gabriel, not Lucifer, not him, the one who had always been loyal. God had been everything to Michael, and he had been what? Just one version of Michael around, something that could be left behind. Adam felt the raw blistering burn of betrayal as it torched them both. And then Michael cut him off suddenly, pulling into himself, curling into his pain alone. Leaving Adam spinning.</p><p>Michael was yelling, cursing, pushing Castiel away. He felt overpowering inside their body, pressing Adam down. But this time Adam refused to be small. He focused himself on being a solid presence, one Michael could feel. Adam could not hold him, as he had done in the memoryscape, but he did what he could. <em>I’m here,</em> he was declaring once again. Adam wanted nothing more than to wrap himself around Michael to give him something he could grasp while everything crashed down around him. So Adam latched on to whatever he could hold, and kept himself there. He held on as Michael lost the last of his family, lost his faith. </p><p>*</p><p>Michael seemed to realize Adam’s presence in degrees. At first, it was probably unconscious, the way Michael searched for him, but Michael began to encase Adam in his grace. He was no longer pressing Adam down but easing around him. </p><p><em>Michael,</em> Adam called out. There was no response, Michael was too raw for words, but he did seem to hold Adam tighter. Adam opened himself up more, reached for more, reached for <em>Michael.</em> He didn’t want Michael to be alone with his feelings now, so if Michael let him, he would be there with him bearing it all. Michael reached for <em>Adam.</em> Adam was immediately caught in the scorching all-consuming hurt that currently ravaged inside Michael. He could see the all expanding creature around him coming apart at the seams with it. There was no way for Adam to hold him together but he did try. He threw all that he felt for Michael, the love and the care and the worry out there, and hoped that it helped, hoped it would be something he could cling on to. It must have been a thread as thin as a spider’s web rather than a rope, but Adam threw it out there anyway for Michael to grasp. </p><p>And Michael did appear to be more focused, more solid, as he centered around Adam. <em>I’m here</em> Adam said again. Even if no one else was, he was there. Even though Michael’s wild storm of emotions was pulling and tearing him, he would be there. Michael seemed to gain even more focus as he realized Adam was hurting. He pulled away abruptly cutting Adam off again. </p><p>When they came to in the bunker, it was shaking as Castiel’s vision had shattered Michael’s control. Despite the handcuffs, his power flowed. Dean and Castiel burst in, looking justifiably worried. Michael did not even look at them, but the shaking did stop. Michael had gained control, made a decision. With a thought, he formed a note with instructions. </p><p>“God lied to me. I gave everything for him. I loved him. Why? I'm not even the only Michael.” The words seemed to slip out of him though they were not meant for Dean Winchester or Castiel. </p><p>“So, yes, I will help you.” Michael got up, gathering himself. As always with Michael, there was no neutral middle ground, from mindless devotion to revenge he went. “What was done in the darkness can be done to God, if he's as weak as you say. And I know how.” Michael put the note he had made on the table. He slid it over with a steady hand. </p><p>“That's the spell,” Michael said simply as if he hadn’t just committed his first act of rebellion. Adam was sad with everything that had had to happen to bring Michael to this point, but he was also proud of Michael for finally standing up for himself. </p><p>“And the ingredients?” Castiel asked looking down at the note. </p><p>Michael listed down what was needed. </p><p>“We've got that,” Dean said, sounding confident. He looked less so when Michael told them the last needed element. </p><p>Michael gathered his determination, reaching for Adam again. As he snapped his fingers, the power surged. Adam could feel the pull in their connection as Michael ripped a hole in reality, opening the door to purgatory.</p><p>Adam couldn’t help but be just a little smug about both Dean and Castiel’s faces at this demonstration of power, Michael was satisfied enough to use the word “please,” when asking to get the handcuffs off him. Dean opened them a bit awkwardly, looking at their face instead of their wrists. </p><p>As his powers rushed back to him, Michael took a good long look at Adam’s wrists making sure there was no damage. Dean and Castiel were eyeing each other tensely, even Adam didn’t want to find out what would happen if they had hurt his mark. </p><p>Michael let his hands fall to his sides. The tension in the room shifted. </p><p>“You coming with us?” Dean asked, clearing his throat. </p><p>Adam could barely begin the idea that no matter how much he would personally loathe it, it would probably be smart to work together, before Michael answered “No,” and turned to leave.</p><p><em>I am not spending our freedom running after the Winchesters. I am not spending any more of my time on my F- on Him either, There are a lot of things I want to do with you. </em>Michael’s voice softened at the end. Adam didn’t need to search far into their bond before he found a wave of affection mirroring his own. </p><p>“Before you go can I talk to him?” Dean’s voice came from behind them. </p><p><em>Adam?</em> Michael questioned as he stopped.</p><p>He was done with the Winchesters, Adam reminded himself. But there was something in Dean’s tone that he could not ignore. Dean was on a dangerous path, this could be the last time they spoke. Adam moved forward. </p><p>“Yeah?” he said, turning towards Dean. </p><p>“Adam, I want you to know we are sorry. What happened to you… You're a good man. You didn't deserve that,” There was regret on Dean’s face as he spoke, his jaw tense. Adam looked at him and thought of the things Castiel had made them see. How after all these years, after stopping the end of the world many times over, none of them still had any peace. How the fight just kept wearing them down, until they had had to sacrifice every part of themselves. Adam had suffered, and he would never be okay with what Sam and Dean had done, but they wouldn’t be either. </p><p>He smiled but it was painful. “Since when do we get what we deserve?” he asked. Adam looked over at Castiel trying to see the angel behind the face. He looked tired and worn like the Winchesters. These were the people fighting God.  “Good luck,” he said and walked away. </p><p>*</p><p>They still didn’t know what they wanted to do. They were both now strangers to the world around them. Nothing was tying them down anywhere, and after years of captivity, the freedom felt incomprehensible. Michael had offered to bring his mother back like he had promised all those years ago. A part of Adam wanted to say yes immediately, a part of him hesitated. He had changed. And he wasn’t sure he was ready to face his mother yet, to truly see part of the life he had lost. Michael assured him they had time. Whenever Adam was ready, he could have all the time he wanted with his mom. </p><p>“Is she happy? In Heaven?” Adam asked.</p><p>“She’s with her memories of you, how could she no be?” Michael answered, his eyes softening.</p><p>So Adam focused on learning how to be a person in the real world again. Not that he returned to the everyday of a normal person. He still wasn’t used to the idea that they could do pretty much <em>anything</em>, they went to the Grand Canyon, the Eiffel tower, to the Moon. Adam had been extremely tempted to carve a message on the moon’s surface but he figured his footprint would be even more unsettling. </p><p>Adam had been kind of nervous, how they would work out in the real world especially since Michael was going through so many changes, but after all these years, they knew how to figure things out. Adam really loved that he could be there with Michael on his journey of firsts. First time watching a movie, first time going swimming, first time petting a dog. There was a lot out there in the world neither of them had ever experienced, and dying and being stuck in Hell did bring things into perspective. Adam learned to care about some things and not about others. He cherished every sunrise he saw and he didn’t care that every time someone saw his mark they did a double-take. </p><p>But Michael seemed to have thoughts about it, as one day he stopped them in front of a Tattoo parlor. “We should get your name,” he said standing next to Adam looking at the colorful designs on display.</p><p>“What?” Adam blanked for a moment, getting name tattoos was a big cultural taboo.</p><p>“Your name, to your left wrist. I have thought about it and it is not right that you’re the only one with a name. I want- I want yours too.” And Michael was looking at him so intensely that Adam almost said yes without a thought. </p><p>“Michael, I uh- thank you for wanting that. I -I don’t really care if you have my name on you or not, I actually kind of prefer that you don’t, it-” Adam stalled. He was really happy people around them could not hear him. “I, well, I never really liked the fate part of soulmarks, but this wasn’t fate, this was us. This was you choosing me.” Adam’s tone dipped lower.</p><p>When he could lift his eyes to face Michael, he found Michael staring at him, searching. Adam hoped his face offered the answers Michael was looking for. It did seem like it, judging from the way Michael’s eyes lit up. “I did choose you,” he said in a low tone that made Adam shiver. </p><p>Adam felt a wave of love wash over him, almost like during their first linking. “We could get you a ring,” his mouth blurted out without a single thought passing through his mind. Adam’s brain screeched into a halt. He was mentally kicking himself. <em>That’s how you propose, really?</em></p><p>“A ring?” Michael inquired, his brow furrowing.</p><p>Adam sighed. He really should have thought about this. Now that he had said it, a ring sounded like a great idea. But he wished he’d put some more effort into asking. Well, there was no going back now.</p><p>“Adam?” Michael asked. Adam shook himself out of his thoughts and opened his mouth to explain. How would one explain what he had just asked? This was where having your partner share your head came in handy. Adam opened his thoughts, letting Michael get a grasp of the significance of a ring.  </p><p>“Ah,” Michael let out a breath, the smile that was both unbearable and addicting spread onto his face. “A ring sounds great, kid.”</p><p>*</p><p>They got a ring out of celestial metal. Michael declared all metals on earth to be too fragile and easily touched by time. “But the ring has to last,” he argued when Adam tried to take them into a jewelry store. “And gold and silver? Those remain in good condition for just a few decades, there would be no point in a ring like that.” Adam could admit he was pretty easily defeated by that argument.</p><p>So Michael managed to track down one of the few still alive angels who had experience molding celestial metals. The ring was a simple one, the guy was clearly more used to making angel blades and other weapons, but Michael hadn’t exactly left him a lot of room to argue, if the only living archangel wanted a ring, he got it. Adam felt for the poor guy as he flew away immediately after finishing the task.</p><p>Adam loved the ring. He finally understood why Michael was so enthralled by his mark. The ring made him smile every time he glanced at it, it became normal to fiddle with it. It was comforting just to feel the weight of it on his finger. Adam would take the ring off sometimes, just to have Michael push for control. Adam always let him. It never got old to feel Michael slide the ring back on.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THE END</p><p>...I have no idea what to say here. This project has become a big part of my life since I started it last spring. Back then it offered me a nice escape from all the things that were happening and all the time I spent by myself. Now as I leave it behind, I can only hope it has offered or will offer a nice escape for those who need it.</p><p>I want to say a big thank you to every person who interacted with this work, it has brought me so much joy and it keeps blowing my mind that other people like something I made. So thank you, everyone, who has supported me, it means more to me than I can put into words.</p><p>That being said, I would love to hear what you thought of this ending or this story in general :) I’m going to plug my <a href="https://tuometarr.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> one last time just in case anyone wants to talk to me there.</p><p> Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go have a crisis about this being over.</p>
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